Not coping with caseplan change well

[DTmama1]

Just venting mostly. I'd shared that our foster kids caseplan was changed last week. They were supposed to have the TPR hearing tomorrow, instead they went off to unsupervised visit today.

I am having such a hard time staying positive right now.

Thursday was their regularly schedule visit, I was told Wednesday night that the fullday visits weren't starting for another week, would be supervised for about 2 weeks and then go to unsupervised. I sent kids off to school with their note saying they would be picked up for visit, had to call school and change it to riding bus home when transporter called me at 1pm saying they werent having visit, it would be today instead. One kid came in off the bus crying, both compeltely out of sorts Thursday, Friday, and Saturday after this threw them off.

And the paternal grandma of one of the kids is the one who picked all three of them up for visit today.... how is this even allowed?

All I want to do is detach from the kids, to be mean and grumpy and find reasons not to like them or want them.... it would be easier than my heart hurting like this. What is worst is we have 6 months left at least. I know I should want to treasure every moment, give them the best foundation I can to help them through a future unsteady homelife, but if its going to be ending I just wish I could get it over with now!

One of two things is going to happen now that they are starting unsupervised visits and getting the kids hopes up for going home again. Either mom will screw up and break their hearts even more than she would have before, because they had started to get adjusted to how things were here and now they will think they can go home or mom will keep her act together and I"ll have a broken heart.

I know that it isnt all about me, this is about the kids, foster adoption is finding a family for a child, not a child for a family, but I use this forum to get my selfishness out so that I can go on supporting reunification and be positive about all these changes for the kids.

And can I just say... THIS SUCKS!

[Sierra]

You're right. It sucks. It does. And your feelings are totally normal.

Thinking of you,
Sierra

[Polliwog]

(((Hugs.))) I tend to forget how screwy the system can be since I've had great experiences so far. I'm so sorry this is happening to your kids, and you.

My fd's case is "supposed" to be pretty open and shut. These stories are good reminders that the worst can, and does, happen.

[JoyFilled]

Our kids are temporary. And thier mom has highs and lows. It's really hard when things change. If I knew that eventually they could go home then I would be supportive of that. It's the getting their hope up or "lying" to them that I don't like.

[mariaz]

I know your heart is hurting and you're right that it's not fair to these kids to twist their hope all around with this sudden change in the plan.

Can't you talk with your worker about how you don't feel comforatble with the grandmother picking the kids up? This seems like such a screwy way for DSS to be handling this whole process.

I'll be thinking about your family and hoping for the best for everyone!

[Thandiwe]

I'm so, so, so very sorry for your pain. We truly are in the same spot right now. This not knowing, the not wanting to love the child(ren) that are with you everyday...how do you survive? How do you deal with the mundane, the everyday, when it feels like such huge walls are soon going to be crashing down around you?

I just wanted to say my heart breaks for you. There is no way to prepare for this pain; there is nothing anyone could have said to warn anyone of this hell. Vent away....you're a strong woman for being there for them when their world falls apart and picking the pieces up when the unexpected happens.

[DTmama1]

Thanks everyone. Today is a bit better day. Apparently visit was uneventful yesterday according to their therapist, so now we're just back to the daily grind. The next meeting for the case is the mid-November, so I guess we'll just have to get into the routine and geton with life as it is for now at least.

I'm not thrilled with grandma doing the transporting but will deal with it, pick my battles you know. He had lived with gma before coming here, so she isn't a new introduction to the case, it just seems strange that she is doing it when she is no relation to two of the three kids.