Wow rubyfriday - sorry things have been so rough for you!!! You sound like a very strong mamma to have gotten through all of that...
I guess after all your very helpful posts I guess I'm thinking that it really all boils down to the state of my relationship. I'd rather have a stable relationship with two kids then be alone with three I guess....not that I don't think I could handle three (whenever we baby sit a third it feels awesome - of course then i get to send that kid home LOL) but then you have to deal with all the upheaval in their lives, etc. Also, I found it harder going from 0 to 1 than 1 to 2 - mainly because when #2 was born, I was getting all ready to be a single mom so I just figured out how to suck it up and do EVERYTHING. DP was no help. But now he's getting better and we've had lots of conversations about me being the "overfunctioning" parent and he's slowly reclaiming his position in the family - which we're all very happy about.
So I guess I will just have to be patient and see how things go for the next year or so. It's hard though because my fear of having a child with problems makes me feel like I should do it RIGHT NOW or not at all, kwim? But maybe one year really won't make a difference, genetically speaking. It might be easier if I already knew I'd terminate if there were significant problems - but I just know I could not do that so it would be a bad position to be in...(I had a good friend go through this already and it was just so, so hard to have to terminate a wanted baby...it just made me feel like maybe I was playing with fire to try to conceive when I was over 40).
I've also thought about just waiting until we are really stable, then if I still have the bug, adopting. But I'd want to adopt a sibling pair I think - and I doubt we could adopt given DH's being in recovery, unfortunately. And I just don't think I'm up for four
Well if it's meant to be, it will be I guess. Everyone's perspectives are so, so interesting!
peace,
robyn
I guess after all your very helpful posts I guess I'm thinking that it really all boils down to the state of my relationship. I'd rather have a stable relationship with two kids then be alone with three I guess....not that I don't think I could handle three (whenever we baby sit a third it feels awesome - of course then i get to send that kid home LOL) but then you have to deal with all the upheaval in their lives, etc. Also, I found it harder going from 0 to 1 than 1 to 2 - mainly because when #2 was born, I was getting all ready to be a single mom so I just figured out how to suck it up and do EVERYTHING. DP was no help. But now he's getting better and we've had lots of conversations about me being the "overfunctioning" parent and he's slowly reclaiming his position in the family - which we're all very happy about.
So I guess I will just have to be patient and see how things go for the next year or so. It's hard though because my fear of having a child with problems makes me feel like I should do it RIGHT NOW or not at all, kwim? But maybe one year really won't make a difference, genetically speaking. It might be easier if I already knew I'd terminate if there were significant problems - but I just know I could not do that so it would be a bad position to be in...(I had a good friend go through this already and it was just so, so hard to have to terminate a wanted baby...it just made me feel like maybe I was playing with fire to try to conceive when I was over 40).
I've also thought about just waiting until we are really stable, then if I still have the bug, adopting. But I'd want to adopt a sibling pair I think - and I doubt we could adopt given DH's being in recovery, unfortunately. And I just don't think I'm up for four
Well if it's meant to be, it will be I guess. Everyone's perspectives are so, so interesting!
peace,
robyn
