Anyone want a Quirky Kids Tribe?

[LynnS6]

I'm not sure if this is the right spot, but I think this goes under "Parenting" rather than FYT.

Is anyone interested in a quirky kid tribe?

By quirky kids, I mean kids who are on the border between "special needs" and "typical", and/or who seem to have a hard time with the social aspects of being a child. Parenting the "geeks" or "nerds" of the world, would be another way to put it.

As our ds, who is definitely a bit quirky, gets older, the more I see how hard integrating socially is for him. My heart aches for him at times, but I don't really know what to do to help. I don't want to change who he is, because he's a delightful, sensitive child.

[LynnS6]

So, to get things started, I'll give a more detailed description of my quirky kid.

The older our ds gets, the more I realize just how 'quirky' he is. He's got some sensory processing issues, which lowers his tolerance for some stuff that other kids do without thinking. But more than that, his interests, his way of processing information, his tendency toward obsessions, and his need to hang back and watch a lot before taking part make him stand out as 'different'.

An example: Ds' current obsession (has been for the last 2 years) is city buses. He loves to ride the bus. He collects the schedules. He reads the schedules for fun. He knows most of the bus lines in the city and where they go. We were driving yesterday to a party at a friend's house, and he was scanning the road to determine which buses went in the neighborhood. When he saw a bus stop, he said, "The 12 goes here and the 94X. Hmm.. That makes sense because they have similar routes and the both go to the same destination." (He's right. He always is about this sort of thing.) He lives very much in his mind. He's got a great, active imagination and a curious mind.

Why I'm interested in a quirky kids tribe is that his obsessions hardly ever coincide with what any of the kids in his neighborhood/school are doing. He's having a very hard time making social connections. He's often just not interested in playing the kinds of things the other kids are. He's also not into the kind of athletic/rough and tumble kind of play that seems to be more typical of the boys we know and he's adamantly expressed his opposition to joining sports teams or really any after school activity.

Right now, most of the kids he plays with are girls. This is partly by default because most of the kids in the neighborhood who are close to his age are girls. But even at school, he tends to hang out with girls. I'd be fine with that EXCEPT that he's BORED by what most of the girls play. AND as the girls get older and more verbal, he's not able to navigate the verbal jockeying for position that goes on. It seems to me he's playing with the girls by default because he doesn't "get" the boy kind of play (or he's not interested or he's scared by it?).

For example, the other kids in the neighborhood will often teasingly 'steal' each other's stuff, such as their bike helmets or backpacks. Then they'll chase after each other and make a game out of it. Ds doesn't get that it's a game or that the kids are using this as a way of getting to know each other. He just gets upset.

What I want is another 7 year old who's majorly interested in transportation (boy or girl) and willing to play "bus driver" for hours on end!

[DariusMom]

I'd join. The older DS gets (he's now 5.5), the more I see how quirky he is. I've recently been reading The Highly Sensitive Child and it really fits my DS to a T.

He, too, has to sit back a lot, is not rough and tumble at all, and has a Titanic obsession (not the movie . .. any and all trivia relating to the Titanic). I could go on and on . ..

I don't think any of this is "abnormal" to the point of being defined as Special Needs, but he's certainly not an average kid (not trying to debate terminology here).

He went through a heartbreaking period of being excluded. DH and I still suspect that he's giving kids toys to "buy" their friendship, though he's an only with lots of toys (given by friend and family. DH and I try not to give him too much), and is naturally extremely kind and generous (if I do say so myself!), so who knows . ...

Anyway, DH and I really do try to support DS and understand, but sometimes it's tough and sometimes it's heartbreaking.

Bring on the Quirky Kids Tribe!

[*LoveBugMama*]

I`ll join.

My son is 7,5 YO and quite different from most kids his age. He is never just interested in something, he gets OBSESSED. Some obsessions are lifelong it seems, like football and the ocean. Others change over time. He has had obsessions for pregnancy and birth (this one lasted for 3 years), collecting coins, Donald Duck Magazines, outer space and several others. When he is interested in something, he talks about it all the time. Like every waking hour, and sometimes he even wakes up to talk about it at night.

He is very, very sensitive, and I am pretty sure he has SID. He has no interest in playing, most of the time. He want to use his body all the time, not play games. He can`t sit still at all. He even wants to walk around while eating.

He has trouble understanding other kids. He doesn`t get them. He prefers younger kids or much older ones. He is also very sensitive emotionally. And he as anxiety big time.

Originally Posted by LynnS6

For example, the other kids in the neighborhood will often teasingly 'steal' each other's stuff, such as their bike helmets or backpacks. Then they'll chase after each other and make a game out of it. Ds doesn't get that it's a game or that the kids are using this as a way of getting to know each other. He just gets upset.

This. This is exactly like my son. He just doesn`t get their way of playing. Never has.

But he is an amazing person. Bright, loving and so much fun. A very talented footballplayer, and a sweet, sweet soul.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I'm not sure if this is the right spot, but I think this goes under "Parenting" rather than FYT.

This is a great place for it

[siobhang]

me, me, me!!

Ds1 has been obsessed with, at various times:

Vacccum cleaners, metro buses, metro trains, regular trains, strimmers (aka weed wackers), ride on lawn mowers, power tools of all types - if it has a motor, he is fascinated.

I have a post in the parenting the gifted child thread where I describe is quirkiness in more detail...

[LynnS6]

Great! Glad to have people aboard.

My first question: How do you deal with anxiety? Actually, I'm not sure we're dealing with anxiety, but I suspect so, mostly because ds can't fall asleep at night. He's getting about 8 hrs. of sleep -- 2 hours less than usual.

Tonight he was up and saying he "didn't feel like I usually do". He says school is fine (he's got a couple of girls to eat lunch with, and play with at recess). There is an increased work demand on him, but nothing he can't handle intellectually. The worst writing out spelling words. Spelling isn't the issue, the fine motor stuff is. Home is fine. He can't think of anything bothering him.

So why is he awake?

[jillmamma]

Can I join? DS is PDD-NOS and is currently attending all day school in the PPCD program, but spending some time in the mainstream K class. He eats lunch and does specials (art, music, PE, library) with the K kids and is spending about an hour a day in the K classroom as well. He has had obsessions also. Trains have been one for the past 2 years, and now we are way into ice (as in the movies Ice Age and Happy Feet), icebergs, ice melting, geysers, penguins, brief one with skunks, grass growing, the sun setting and coming up on the other side of the world, etc. I love it as it makes him unique! Typical conversation when he gets off the bus...
Me: "Hi Matthew! I am so glad to see you! I hope you had fun at school today!"
Him: "Mommy, there's a geyser field here!" {makes geyser noises}
Me: "Cool! Look out! Was your friend W at school today?"
Him: "Mommy, is the grass still growing here?"
Me: "Yes, let's go in now."
His imagination is amazing too...I love how he builds "icebergs" with his megablocks, then they fall down when they melt.

The anxiety issue...I think Matthew experiences this sometimes too. He was telling me last night that he was sad at school because they "left me behind". I think it was because the aide was not "right" next to him for a few minutes in the K classroom. He does not seem to be losing sleep over it, but is getting upset at school. I did hug him a lot and explained to him that if he is scared or worried about something he should tell his teacher because they don't want him to be sad and will help him. I can sympathize because I too dealt with the anxiety issue as a child, and I remember laying awake at night worrying about stuff. Sometimes things like was I going to get lost at my new school, was I going to do okay on my test, was I going to make any friends (always hard in a new environment for me), etc. I think the best thing you can do (which I am sure you already do) is to reassure him that you love him no matter what, you are always there for him if he wants to talk about anything, and come up with ideas of things he can do to cope. Like for me, having my mom remind me that I can always ask a teacher if I got lost, and no they won't get me in trouble for being lost did help some. I always wanted to be the "good" kid who was praised by everyone and any criticism got me upset (I still struggle with that to be honest!).

Does your "quirky kid" get any type of therapies? Mine is in OT once a week to help with writing, muscle strengthening, and getting him up to his age level on fine/gross motor skills. He started 9 months ago and was not dressing himself or writing anything, and now he lays out his clothes the night before, and dresses himself down to his shoes, as well as is writing all kinds of letters and numbers! He also gets speech at school to mainly help with him learning the art of conversation.