Dealing with emotions after B-I-L's suicide this weekend.

[voicegrrl]

My mother called me today to say that my sisters husband, who she kicked out 3 months ago, walked in front of a train Saturday. He was very, very unstable. He showed up at her house earlier this week with no shoes or anything and he was a mess. She called the police, they did little. Told her that it was his right to be there because they weren't divorced yet. She filed an injunction the next day, same time a neighbor saw him around the house with a hammer looking crazed. My sister basically sent her daughter (not by him) to stay with her Grandma and my sister hid out at friend's houses. Very concerned with her safety. This man put her through 5 years of insanity and for whatever reason she finally had enough this summer to end the marriage. I guess he couldn't find her and killed himself. I hated this man but my feelings are such a mess. I watched for years what he was putting my sister through and I always thought, well she's a grown woman and can make her own choices but my niece didn't deserve to be in the mess. Now it's everyone's mess. A train conductor who tried to stop a train as a crazy man walked down tracks with his arms help up. I can't begin to imagine what that man is dealing with. The other part that is just so awful is the people commenting on the stories online for the local newspaper. They are just saying the most hateful things. I don't know what to feel. I'm grieving something, I just don't know what. I definitely want to cry but I can't and I feel like I can't cry for him because I hated him so much. I've spent the last week so worried that he would kill my sister or something would happen to my niece and now it's all over. I just really needed a place to get these words out of my head. Thank you for letting me have that.

[partymoo]

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[voicegrrl]

Thank you. Your words are very kind and very, very helpful. I really appreciate it.

[ap mom]

Wow- I can't imagine the range of emotions you must be feeling. As pp so eloquently expressed, be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to grieve however you need to. As you try to sort your feelings out in this confusing and tragic situation, I hope you'll feel free to come here again- such wise and compassionate mamas to share with.

[jennifer_lc1]

my cousins gf was very unstable and killed herself with a gun lying beside my cousin as he slept. everyone was not very fond of her, she'd done some bad things to him.. but yet we still grieved and it was helpful.

let yourself cry, you'll feel better. look at him as a person, not your crazy bil, and cry for the loss of life. it helps, truly.

[Sisyphus]

Do as much positive stuff that you can... write a letter to the train conductor and let him know that this man was very disturbed and that it was *not* his fault. It would probably help him to feel some sense of closure and relief that this was a choice your BIL made.

Hugs to you. This is so complicated.