Expectations for Birth - positive but realistic?

[notaperfectmom]

I'm struggling a little in my preparing for upcoming HBAC.

With my first I did experience 24 hours of labor but never made it to transition so I don't feel that I *really* experienced that part of birth where people say they reach the "I can't handle this anymore" moments. My memory of labor was that it involved pain but nothing that bad.

So now I'm planning my HBAC...I'm doing hypnobirthing this time and I've been reading a lot of positive birth stories etc. I know that hypnobirthing focuses on the positive....but I also don't want to have unrealistic expectations.

My problem is that I feel that I need to ALSO prepare myself for the fact that this birth is going to involve the hard parts of labor that I didn't experience before and that birth is - or is for most people - very hard, often intense and painful work. I don't mean that in a negative way - great things come out of hard work! But I don't want to approach this by being too naive.

How did you prepare for a positive but realistic birth experience?

[BrownRiceBaby]

I've been trying to strike a similar balance between being realistic yet positive, and being naive, but this is my first birth EVER, so I don't know how helpful this will be for you.

I've found that it really helped me to write down my concerns and have either DH or our MW listen to me fully verbalize them and then give me the realistic pep talk.

Example: my own family is not very natural-lifestyle friendly, and I think I have some residual "I can't do this without drug help" feelings about our planned homebirth. I wrote down the reasons I thought I might give up (too much pain, too much hard work that my body is not prepared for, may be overwhelmed by these sensations I've never before experienced) and then when I read them to my MW, she was able to 1) suggest that I try hypnobirthing for pain coping, 2) pointed out that I've been exercising/working out to her satisfaction, and she's been doing this a LOT longer than I have, so she should know, yes? , and 3)that my body was designed to give birth, so while the sensations may be unfamiliar, and even painful, it was all part of The Plan, so I can be confident that my body knows what to do.

That's how I've been dealing with working through negative feelings, without turning into Debbie Downer, and staying positive without becoming a Pure Pollyanna!! I hope that's helpful to you!

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by notaperfectmom

How did you prepare for a positive but realistic birth experience?

I have a birthing script that I do.

As for transition, I've been there three times before. Personally, I never had that "I can't do this anymore feeling." Things got CRAZY intense (and it is VERY intense, I like that word more than extrememly painful).

I either felt like puking, or got mad/annoyed with DH or both. That's what happened here.

And, sure I had contractions...but for me what separated those contractions from the others were that they stayed at peak intensity for longer, and that I got less of a break between them. BUT, what I did on my mind was take one contraction at a time and really enjoy those breaks.

[peainthepod]

I've been writing down little affirmations. Stuff like, "You will have a beautiful birth" and "Relax, breathe, relax, breathe..." and "Open, open, open, open" and "You have nothing to fear". It's corny but I find it's really helping me as I get further along in the birth. Instead of focusing on the pain that might happen, I'm focusing on the positive outcome I want to have. I fully believe that visualizing a positive outcome makes it more likely to occur.

I hope I'm not being too much of a Pollyanna here. The Marie Mongan HypnoBirthing book I have is helping a lot too. Our bodies were made for this and you know what? Pain never killed anyone. Even if I'm totally wrong and it's the most painful experience of my life...it's just one day. The end result is worth it no matter what.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

Personally, I never had that "I can't do this anymore feeling." Things got CRAZY intense (and it is VERY intense, I like that word more than extrememly painful).

:

[MommyofHero]

This will be my first birth, so I really have absolutely no expectations regarding what it will feel like (emotionally and physically.) I am having a home/water birth and practice hypnobirthing as well. All I can know for certain is that it will be an INTENSE experience. And hell, I know I can handle intense. In fact, I welcome it. I chose homebirth mainly because I do not want that option of drugs/painkillers-- I want to feel everything because this is probably the most intensely spiritual/visceral, life-changing event that will ever happen to me, and I'm very lucky to experience it.
In the corner where the birthing tub is going, I put drawings and affirmations all over the wall to help me during the rough spots. The whole concept of hypnobirthing, after all, is taking charge of your mind's perceptions. Everything you BELIEVE in your mind will be manifested physically. So if you BELIEVE that something's wrong or that sensation you feel is the worst pain ever, then that's exactly how you will perceive it. The opposite is true as well. Lately I've been doing a lot of personal experiments with this concept, and it totally works with emotional pain as well. You have to make a choice to either get all worked up and anxious over the pain you are feeling (emotional or physical) or to accept it as a mere sensation.
I get "warnings" and eye rolls from people all the time when they find out I'm doing a natural birth at home and have never given birth. I just respond with an eye roll and say "I'll survive. Many women have."
It's totally realistic to believe that you will be able to handle an unmedicated birth and be happy that you did it

[leila1213]

Originally Posted by notaperfectmom

How did you prepare for a positive but realistic birth experience?

Hypnobirthing! It worked wonderfully for me, but I know not so for everyone. Have you seen the "booster" CDs that Hypnobabies offers? I believe they go much more indepth, and that extra preparation might help reassure you??

I also did not have the feeling that I couldn't take it any longer, but I did get sort of 'impatient' at the end and wanted to get DD out (the OB telling me her heart rate was dropping a little during ctx didn't help either ...

I didn't talk to most people about my plans. I avoided my pregnant L&D nurse cousin's wife like the plague, and just generally stayed tight-lipped about my plans. I also didn't solicit any birth stories from anyone I didn't know to have a very peaceful easy birth.

[BrownRiceBaby]

Originally Posted by leila1213

I didn't talk to most people about my plans. I avoided my pregnant L&D nurse cousin's wife like the plague, and just generally stayed tight-lipped about my plans. I also didn't solicit any birth stories from anyone I didn't know to have a very peaceful easy birth.

This is our policy as well. DH and I each have an aunt as an RN, and my sister is a PT, so we've just NOT told either of our families that we're planning a homebirth. We'll definitely tell them after the fact, but as it is now, we don't have the time OR the energy to let them react (which will definitely involve a LOT of negative feedback from them), and then try to educate them, so we're planning, when it comes up, to say something like "We reviewed our options and did a lot of research, and we decided that a homebirth was the best option for us, so that is what we did". And we're also going to give each of our parents a copy of Gentle Birth Choices, just so they're prepared for the next time around (God willing...).

[HoneyTree]

I was/am in a similar situation mentally. Here's a link to a thread I started in Birthing and Beyond that got, imo, some great responses from other mamas on how they handled this.