Babysitters

[mizznicole]

Hi, not sure where to post this!

Anyhow, we're an "attachment-style" family. I have a 9 month old who is super attached to me as a rule. I stay at home with him and we have not been apart for more than an hour. He still is breastfeeding, especially during the night, and is still waking up at night to nurse every 2 hours.

My question is, from an "attachment" standpoint, when is it okay to leave baby with a trusted caregiver? I know many moms have to do this out of necessity already. I know that up to this point my baby gets a lot of anxiety if I leave. (Twice I tried to workout when DH got home from work. DS was a mess by the time I got home. So I don't workout...)

I'm sure it's something you just have to feel out. But I'd like to hear your experiences. You know, it might be nice to go to a bar & hear some music in a year or so!!!

Thanks!

[Mama Mko]

It's definitely different for everyone. Some people are comfortable leaving their babies right away. Others wait much longer. For me it depends on the child. With my first child, I was comfortable leaving him with a close and trusted friend for 6 hours while I went to a wedding when he was 15 months old. He didn't have any problems because he was with someone he knew well.

With my second child I have yet to leave him with anyone but Daddy. He is almost 15 months old. I haven't really had a reason to leave him with anyone and at this point he is more Mama-attached than Alexander was, so I don't see myself leaving him with anyone at this time. I also don't have any strong desire to do things on my own when Daddy isn't available to watch the kids, so it really isn't an issue.

Good luck finding what works for you and your babe.

[GooeyRN]

You can work on getting the baby used to the sitter. Then it would not be traumatic. DS is 10 months, and I havent left him yet. When the time comes, I plan on getting him used to the sitter first. DD (3) was sat by her grandparents a few times and she was fine.

[Bkwyrm]

I hired a local graduate student as a sitter when Fish was about eight months old. We spent a few weeks with Fish getting used to Jo, the sitter. After that, Fish was happy to hang out with her sitter while I did things like go to the dentist and the chiropractor. Fish is 17 months old now, and cheerfully waves bye-bye to me when Jo arrives. She also cries when Jo leaves - she's very attached to her sitter. We use Jo one afternoon a week, sometimes two afternoons a week, and the occasional weekend night.
My husband works a lot, our families aren't local, and most of my friends are either cheerfully childfree or have their own kids to watch. Finding a reliable sitter who didn't believe in CIO or controlled crying was our best option, and it's worked really well for us.

[H & J's Mom]

This was such a hard thing for me with both of my children. Even though I know an hour or two with Nanny and Grampy is fun for everyone I had a hard time explaining it to my heart.

I have a few yearly parties coming up that DH would like to go to with me this year rather than stay home with DS (almost 2) so I'm kind of stressing a little myself. I only really feel comfortable with my parents watching him but it will be a late night soooo ... thinking I might leave him overnight at their house

The first time we left DD overnight with Nanny & Grampy she was at least 3yo. Everyone told me number two would be much easier but I'm just not feeling it. One thing that does east my mind A LOT is that DD (she’s 10.5) will be with him.

I think if you feel comfortable with it then it's the right time. I have friends who would leave their LOs for the entire day/night at just weeks old and not bat an eye. There is definitely room in the middle I'm sure ... you just have to figure out what you and your LO are comfortable with.

I think it is great for my kids by the way, it’s just the over thinking it that gets me worked up. Everyone always ends up having a great night in the end (which us mommas need now and then).