Anyone not feeling really bonded?

[joshs_girl]

It's funny - I seem to swing from extremes. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with love I can't help but cry and other times, I'm like, who is this strange being that won't stop crying?

For BTDT mamas, is it normal to not feel 100% attached to the baby right from the start?

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by joshs_girl

It's funny - I seem to swing from extremes. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with love I can't help but cry and other times, I'm like, who is this strange being that won't stop crying?

For BTDT mamas, is it normal to not feel 100% attached to the baby right from the start?

Definitely normal. I think especially with the first baby this is true because it's such a HUGE life change and it is often overwhelming. Don't beat yourself up mama.

[trayls]

This is the first time I've been online since delivering on Friday. Things ended up a little traumatic and I think its causing me to question -- does this baby know me? If someone stepped in and replaced me, would he know or care? I don't know .... its weird. I don't know that we are connected yet.

[VeganCupcake]

I have felt this way, swinging back and forth. I think it's normal for it to be a bit of a process to get bonded--it doesn't all necessarily happen right away. I guess we're building a relationship and that takes time.

During labor, I remember crying and saying, "But I don't know this baby! I don't know what to say to him/her!" (My doula was encouraging me to talk to the baby at the time.) It was a very emotional experience, and I still feel a bit like I don't fully know my baby. But I think it's ok--maybe it's like we're "dating" now and we're going to completely fall in love pretty soon.

[Quaniliaz]

Originally Posted by VeganCupcake

it's like we're "dating" now and we're going to completely fall in love pretty soon.

I think this is right on. It is totally normal to not fall head over heals in love with your baby right off the bat - and I'm not sure that there is much falling involved at all. Rather, it can be just a slow process - in a few months you'll look back and realize that it happened, but you aren't sure how or when. Just take care of yourself mama - it is especially hard when you have baby that cries a lot or is having problems nursing (and therefore cries a lot....). That's exactly what it was like for me the first time around....

[cristina47454]

I was thinking something along these lines last night. Baby is 2 1/2 weeks old, and although there have been times when I think she "knows" me, I wonder when that will change into "Oh, it's mommy! Everything is ok in the world". It's pretty much a crapshoot at this point whether I can comfort her better than grandma, grandpa, daddy...(other than by putting a boob in her mouth). And this is baby #3 for me!

[whalemilk]

Yep that's normal. I kept looking at this baby the first couple weeks and thinking about how well I know my 2 yo and how I don't know this kid! Who IS she??? I love my 2 yo so much, can I love this one just as much without taking anything away? But as time goes by, those feelings subside. I think it's perfectly normal.

[Alcyone]

This perfectly describes it for me. I swing back and forth, but it does seem like I'm getting more lovey moments and fewer who-on-earth moments as time goes on.

[boobyfeeder]

It's perfectly normal, especially with the first one. With DD2, I felt so seperate from her, it took awhile to bond with her. However, this baby and I share a special bond b/c of the weird pregnancy I had, so I felt we were already bonded at birth and I fell instantly in love with her. Moreso than with my other two. I felt an instant connection, perhaps b/c I know she is my last and our family is complete. The other two it took some time to bond and really feel like Mommy, but when it happens, it happens completely.

[chaoticzenmom]

It's normal. It took me a long time to attach to my 2nd child. She was a slow to warm up baby from the start and didn't really like to be touched, so it was hard for me to hold her for very long. Now that she's 6, I can't get enough of her

[HinesMaMa]

Totally normal. With my first I felt like an emotional robot. I was trying to adjust to motherhood so hard that I initially acted more like a care-giver in the beginning as opposed to an instinctual mom. (I even kept notes of her nap and feeding times) I was so in love with her but I didn't know how to convey that to her in those first weeks since I didn't realize how unresponsive newborns are, but it of course worked itself out over time. Then with my second, I wondered and worried if I would love him as much as my first since I was sooooo enthralled with her. It was an adjustment but it fell into place as it should. With #3 and #4, I was totally mentally, physically prepared for them since I guess I am somewhat of a "mommy connosieur" now...lol.

[funfunkyfantastic]

It's taken me a while. But, I know i'm falling for this little girl. Yesterday we had a real bonding moment. I was holding her and had her a few inches from my face, just staring into her eyes... and she was looking back at me with an adoring look on her face. I think we really connected there.

[treehugginhippie]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

It's normal. It took me a long time to attach to my 2nd child. She was a slow to warm up baby from the start and didn't really like to be touched, so it was hard for me to hold her for very long. Now that she's 6, I can't get enough of her

I'm really glad to have read this. I'm really feeling lost with how different my new baby is compared to my 1st or even most of the other babies my friends have.

[cellarstella]

The major AP practices of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and slinging are great mother-to-baby bonding tools. In the beginning, the bond is very much mother-to-baby, and the baby-to-mother bond happens over time. This is a great physiological process that allows babies to bond to adoptive parents. If you keep in mind that now is the time for you to get to know your baby and your baby will get to know you much slower, I think it's easier to let others comfort your baby when you are tapped out. Maintaining a physical and emotional connection with your baby is much more about you, and will help you become the mommy you want to be. Your baby will ultimately benefit, and definitely will recognize and respond to you in a special way very soon, and not just be a eating/pooping/sleeping machine forever!

I didn't get much of the "quiet alert" time with DD1 because she was very rarely both quiet and alert , but with this one I have gotten some and it is fun to talk softly to her and look into her eyes and watch her expression change in response.

Simply being a steward to her health and well-being is a bonding experience to me. Just knowing that I've been blessed with this little being who can't do much right now and needs me keeps me inspired to maintain that connection, even if it's boring at times.