Very young kids at siblings homebirth.

[sjuffs]

I am 7 weeks with my third and want to plan for a Home birth. My son will be 3 and 2 months and my daughter will be 20 months. I have always had this dream and wanted to have the baby and after wards my whole family climb into bed and get to know our new family member if everything goes smoothly. I was talking with my midwife who kind of said yes to home birth since my first was by Cesarean but she said that the kids would need to go somewhere and so I told her that I wanted them at the house and we would just alter things as they need to happen when the time comes. She said I would need one person to look after each kid which is fine. She then also said that my youngest shouldn't be there and might not like seeing her Mom in pain and seeing blood. I have my views on it but I wanted to see what other people think about young kids the birth. For all I know it could be at night and they sleep the whole time anyway whats your ladies opinions.

[devon]

All I can do is let you know my situation.

I have 2 DS's: One who will be 4.5 and one who will be 26 months when I give birth to baby #3 (so a bit older but also the same age as your kiddo). They will be there if they want to be. My midwife also requires a care person be there for them as well. We'll have someone there in the case that they don't want to be there, but we're planning on them being there. My midwife has said that kids are amazing in how they respond to birth, and if many of them have been talked to about it, read books, etc, it can be amazing to see how they react. It might be tough for some but for others, not at all.

She has had patients with kids younger than yours be at the birth. She even said that she had a patient with an 18 month old. The mom started yelling loud during contractions, but the child saw how the mom relaxed between contractions, and started singing and humming with the mom during contractions just naturally, on her own. The mom got in tune with the child and started doing the same. Another time, my midwife had a little kid start stroking the mom and comforting the mom in a very soothing nature, all on his own.

One thing to consider - it is their home, somewhere they are comfortable with. You don't even know how much screaming/blood there will be (I have had no screaming/very little blood at mine) and many times there isn't a lot at a home birth.

Also - my last son was born unplanned at home. My oldest son at the time was 28 months and woke up right when I realized I was crowning and having a home birth. He stayed in his room (actually, stood at the gate that blocked the door of his room) and listened to all that was going on. Didn't seem that scared and thought it was really neat that the baby was here - in his bathtub! He then got really excited when the fire truck, ambulence, etc came. We obviously weren't planning this so didn't have a care taker for him and he was fine with it all and talked about it for a long time. He's very excited for this planned homebirth now that he understands things more!

[shanahan]

we are planning to have my son at our hb - he will be about 21 months then. We will have someone designated to help care for him, and if he gets upset or seems cooped up, they will just leave. My mw was totally on board w/having him there - and I have heard positive stories about little ones at hb....

[Daniel's Kitty]

Our most recent birth was attended by a curious big brother and the middle brother woke up shortly after the birth. So we had a three year old there who is very connected to his baby brother. It wasn't planned so we had no people for them and I called the people who were going to take them to let them know. The midwife did lose her spot that she could see the birth from to a three year old though. We didn't prepare them for birth so it may have been different if I was noisy.

It was a great family experience for us

[ColoradoMama]

My oldest has been at all three of her siblings births - for the first she was 27 months (she did need a lot of attention), then four, then almost 7. My oldest son was not at one birth and then was there for the second. He was 23 months when his sister was born - my dad took him out for the day, but he was there within minutes after the birth. He was very much a "velcro baby," and I think it would not have been good for him to have been there. He was home for his brother's birth - he was 4 1/2. He chose to come and go during my labor and chose to be downstairs for the actual birth. My youngest daughter was at home for her younger brother's birth - she was 33 months - although she chose to stay downstairs during the whole thing.

So, long story short - I guess it'll depend on the personalities of your children - and you know that better than anyone!

[momto4kids]

I think alot depends on your kids' personalities & just preparing them for the birth. For my last 2 births we have read books & watched some birth videos as well. The movies were to prepare them for the noise that I would make during the birth....this worked great for my group.

For my 1st HB, the youngest was 3 ~ she did great......for the 2nd HB th youngest was 21mos ~ it was 11:30 @ night so we let her sleep through the actual birth & she woke up the next morning to find us snuggled in bed together. She ran in & was happy that her new brother was here.

We had 2 people here to take care of my kids (we have a large family ) & the kids were happy being in their own home.

For our upcoming birth we are planning again to have all the kids there ~ if it happens to be @ night we will let the little one sleep through since he will be 21 mos, but he will be welcomed to be in the room with the rest of the kids if things work out. If not, someone will be here to meet his needs.....

I think part of having our kids present is being flexible

[Om Girl]

I don't have experience (yet) as we're due around Thanksgiving, but our DD (32mo) will be present. We've started preparing her by making lots of noises and explaining our feelings and why sometimes people act the way they do. I also have a person lined up just for her so that she can come/go from the house as she feels comfortable.

[Romana]

It depends on the individual child. My 24 mo did great, and as far as I could tell, enjoyed the experience. She wasn't worried by the noise I made; she found it funny. When I was crying she handed me tissues and threw some in the birth tub (oh, she was having fun). After ds was born, she wanted to meet him right away. Honestly, it was a great experience for us all. OTOH, a few months later she developed a real sense of empathy and is now worried when someone has an "owie" or is crying. I might not have her at a birth now, because she might get upset and worried for me. At the time, she hadn't reached that stage of emotional development, so it was all just interesting/funny and not worrying or scary.

She has a very close bond with her little brother and we made the right choice for us for that birth.

I honestly think it's very individual and somewhat unpredictable, which is why you really do need a person there for each child who can take them away and/or take care of them if/when necessary.

The birth was very unpleasant for me as it was extremely painful (well beyond normal). For this reason also, because I can't predict how bad the birth will be for me and how I'll be coping, for future births (if any) we just have to reassess and, as another person said, plan to be flexible.

[munkeesmama]

While I have not homebirthed, I am torn on having my kids there for this birth. Not for them, but for me. I'm not sure if I can handle it. My kids are 5,3,2. They watch birth's on youtube, are never bothered, think it's cool ,and are completely excited about this baby being born at home and they really want to be there. I was recommend if you want them there, have somebody there for them, and as always reserve the right (and ability) to have them go somewhere else if your feelings change or they are scared by it.

[larkish]

I feel like I would be open to DS being there... but I'm not sure I would want whoever is caring for him (possibly a girlfriend or SIL). I just want my privacy. If he could just come in right before without that care person I would be better with that.

[sewingmama]

When my second child was born (at home), my first child was not quite 3, and she was there. She wandered in and out during labor, but she watched the entire birth (and not from up by my head either -- she got more of a graphic view than I did), and she was fine. We had done a lot of talking about birth, noise, blood, etc., and she had been to all my MW appointments with me. She would have been really hurt, I think, if we had deliberately excluded her, especially from a homebirth. I think it really depends on the child, and on the mother, too. My DD is generally not freaked out by stuff, and she happily accepted explanations like, "labor is really hard work, so Mommy might make some noise," and "the blood doesn't mean there's an owie -- it's healthy blood that's keeping the baby healthy." And I was pretty calm during my first labor, so I expected that again -- if I thought I'd be doing a lot of frantic screaming or swearing at my DH or something, I might think again about having a young child there.

This time, my kids are 6 1/2 and 3 1/2, and they're both planning to be at the birth. DS might not have handled a birth well at not quite 3, but several months has made a big difference, and I think he will be fine with it, especially with his big sister there to reassure him (and us too, but she's really taken it upon herself to explain everything to him). I showed them a bunch of birth videos online, and we've read Welcome with Love about a billion times, and they've seemed fine, so I think it will go just fine.

[zjande]

My last birth was a planned UC. Just my immediate family was there- my husband, 24 month old, 9 yr old & 16 yr old. My 2 oldest had already been at my 24 month old's birth so they were old pros but I was definitely concerned about my 24 mo old. We watched many, many birth videos during my pregnancy & I pretty much drilled into his head "mamas have to be noisy when the baby comes out" so he (hopefully) wouldn't be shocked during my labor. And you know what? He did absolutely fine! He didn't even have a moment of fear. He was even copying his dada by putting wet washcloths on my neck. I was pretty darn loud, too, but he seemed to understand that it was time for "the baby to come out".

Good luck with everything!

[alegna]

Dd was 3yrs 10 months and was at ds' birth. She was fabulous. None of it bothered her at all. only hard part was she didn't sleep...

-Angela

[2+twins]

I've had all mine at home and my kids have always been home so I can tell you how that went and their ages at the time. When I had my 2nd dc, older dd was 2 years 11 months. I went into labor at night after she was already asleep and had the baby 90 minutes later. She slept through it (not that I made much noise anyway). She did wake up a little while after that (maybe an hour later while dh & I were snuggled in bed with our new dd) and I heard her coming and didn't feel ready to have her meet her new sibling in the middle of the night like that (since she didn't actually see her being born - I had wanted her to, for what it's worth) so I had dh get up and head her off at the pass so to speak and get her settled back in bed. The next morning we introduced her. Anyway, my next birth was with my twins and my older 2 were there for it. I had my good friend come to care for them at my house so they'd have an assigned person (I can't see why it would be necessary to have a person for each). Those births didn't take long either but my friend got them breakfast then helped them bake a birthday cake for the new babies. When I began pushing each time I had her bring them in so they wouldn't miss the births. They did great with it - no fear (and I had prepared them really well with videos, story books, just talking about it, etc.) and seemed very happy and excited. After my 2nd twin was born I did experience pph and my mw had them leave the room. At the time I thought she told me that they were frightened of all the blood so I was like, "oh, okay." But later in talking to everyone about it I learned that she just *feared* they'd be frightened by the blood - they actually weren't at all (I had prepped them for blood). So it was fine. Great, actually. Oh, and they were 5 years 3 months and 2 years 4 months at that time. I just wish my then 2 yo remembered it. Funny how grown up she seemed to me back then while my currently 2 1/2 yo twins seem so young - I'd never think they'd remember if I were to have another baby right now.

[Mamabeakley]

I was at my brothers' homebirths when I was 16 mo and then 5 yo. Obviously I don't remember the one when I was 16 mo, but I did have a caregiver (my grandma) and I do remember the one when I was 5 as a very positive experience.

DS1 was 26 mo when DS2 was born and spent about half my labor sleeping on my feet while I labored not at all quietly. His grandma (my mom) arrived to be with him in time that they were having fun in the other room when DS2 was actually born, but they had been in and out and it was just chance that he wasn't in the room at that moment. He came in in time to help cut the cord. He still remembers it - at least that he was here, that his grandma was here, that Daddy cut the cord, that the midwives were here, stuff like that.

[k13]

I also watched videos and looked at pictures of births with them before hand and tried to prepare them - especially that I'd be making funny noises and might not be able to talk to them but that I would be okay.

It's great for kids and grandparents to team them up if you can. It gave my mom something to do, she doesn't like seeing me in pain anyway. My daughter was not freaked out at all but pretty disinterested and bored with the whole thing. It was good for her to have someone all to herself so partner and I didn't have to worry about it at all. They came in for the actual birth and got to be with us with the baby.

We actually ended up in the hospital with the baby after the birth, and it was good to have the grandfolks to take our daughter with them. She ended up having to stay with them for a week and they brought her to the hospital every day to see us, it was very hard on everyone and having them there was really helpful for us and her both.

I'm definately going to have one grandparent for each daughter this time. They can put them to bed and spend the night and everything so that's a great help. They can also leave and go over to their house if they want to. Of course not everybody has grandparents available or nearby, but I'd definately recommend having some alternative childcare plans because you will probably want your partner to be focused on you as much as possible no matter what happens, and you don't want to be overly stressed about who will take care of your child or if they will be comfortable.

[Lisa85]

I think it's something that will depend on dc's age. I know my nearly 3yo would probably not do ok. My 18 month old would but would obviously need a caregiver.