October Dating Thread!!! - Page 6

[kokonutmama]

jrayn, I agree with PP. He's not ready for you. There are men who are.

[caspian's mama]

marissa - if it's meant to be it'll come back around. sucks to have to be patient and pluck forward in the meantime, tho.

Originally Posted by Seie

I was totally ready to start dating and have fun - and then I fall in love first date I get.. (or am I just totally starving for affection after leaving a really really unhealthy abusive relationship? hmmm..)

maybe you are. ain't no shame. i certainly am. our relationship wasn't abusive but it was DOA back in may. and we still won't be fully moved out till the end of the month so we've had zero physical contact between 2 former lovers. if you start feeling desperate about it, like freaking if you can't @#$%! at least once a day , maybe take a step back and reexamine your true needs. otherwise, fill up yer lovin cup, mama!

Originally Posted by JenniferH

(I'm trying to stay within the UA here)

i don't think talking about les menages, per se, is a violation. if it feels chill, go with it! and congratulations for at least being openminded enough to consider it.

oh, and nice quote. creepy how true it is! i think she's a crappy actress but maybe she's not a half bad person. she might make a half decent prez, in relation to many.

[caspian's mama]

oh yeah, and this:

Originally Posted by mmace

jrayn - listen to Oh The Irony, she is giving you *wonderful* advice.

[mmace]

marissa - if it's meant to be it'll come back around. sucks to have to be patient and pluck forward in the meantime, tho.

Thanks - that's what I keep telling myself. It would just be nice to know whether I'm supposed to be patient or kick myself in the butt on this one. I just want to feel a sense of peace about our relationship - whether it's over or not - I'm just so tired and *not* peaceful.

[mimim]

Originally Posted by jrayn

gest daughter is teething so the night went horribly, she woke up and cried all through the night, nursed pretty much constantly which is becoming regular every time we spend the night together which is not something she does when he isn't around... actually both daughter's become possessed when he is around... Anyways, I thought he came to some good conclusion, he was uber affectionate when he was woke up by the baby, morning time was very pleasant, lots of kissing and hugging.... Then late morning I get a phone call from him while he is at work, he said he was thinking about me all morning....... I was thinking this was good but then he said he wants to take a break for 2 weeks..........

Have you considered why this is? Maybe your daughters aren't completely comfortable with the situtation either?

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Holland73

I lived in Amsterdam for 4 years. Ds was conceived, born and lived there until he was 18 months.

Great place to visit!!!!

Why Amsterdam? How long will you be able to stay?

bf is taking his son for his 18th Bday so I guess that is why we are going there. I cannot WAIT!!!!!!!!!

Passport went off without a hitch and it should be in my hands within 2 weeks

I almost can't believe I have attracted someone who treats me so well I guess it has paid off working on my own self esteem because I only used to attract ***holes, AND I felt really bad about myself.

[Seie]

My date went well kind of. He is a really good guy- veeeery sweet.. We get along really well, have talked all day yesterday and saturday. We can laugh together at silly things - I havent laughed that much in a long time. I actually could see us together. But there is that shadow of my situation hanging over everything. We did talk about it, and he went all gloomy and said - that yes, when he was thinking ahead he did feel it was very difficult and that maybe it was better we end it now, before we get too involved He is a kind of person who has been travelling a lot and wants to travel more - I dont think he is anywhere near wanting to go into a relationship with the sort of responsibility that comes with three kids - and I do understand. Had I been in his shoes I would probably feel the same.

But it is really sad - I did suggest we take it one day at a time, but he sais he cant stop thinking ahead..

I dont know if we will meet again - at least not next week as he is doing something else. The insecurity sucks - not knowing if I will see him again is pretty awful - dont think I can do that a whole lot of times in a row, so sooner or later I will need some sort of "do we or dont we try this out" from him.. ahh well.. I dont know whether to laugh or cry really..

[emma_goldman]

I just caught up on what is going on with all the mamas here...

so much wisdom here.

I just want to remind the mamas who are feeling negative stuff:

only recently I was stuck on someone who wasn't into me (it was so painful!) and now I've turned my attention to someone who I've known for a long time who is totally crazy for me and my son and we've been having an amazing time.

It's probably out there and available to all of us -at least that is my hope. Hang in there and make sure you're enjoying self-lovin', in every sense.

[peachymomma]

OK so superficial issue I had wasn't a problem.

[caspian's mama]

seie

Originally Posted by BelovedK

I almost can't believe I have attracted someone who treats me so well I guess it has paid off working on my own self esteem because I only used to attract ***holes, AND I felt really bad about myself.

i don't think i realized before quite how bad i felt about myself. so i kept attracting them and couldn't figure out why. not anymore! i felt like a princess (albeit hairy, stoned, crunchy princess ) several times over my weekend. it was an outstanding feeling, all the richer because i *know* i really deserve it.

Originally Posted by emma_goldman

Hang in there and make sure you're enjoying self-lovin', in every sense.

[~kitnkaboodle~]

I would like to join this group I feel like I could get some support here. I have been dating this wonderful guy named andy since I was 6 months pregnant so a little over 3 months now and he has been really great. He's as excited as I am for Corbyn to come. He's helped me set up corbyn's nursery and he's been with me for the most part of my last trimester. Him and I just started getting intimate about a month ago and he's planning on being there while in labour. Which to me is just amazing. I can't believe that a guy would be so willing to be there for a woman who is newly pregnant.

We don't live together although we see each other twice a week and we talk on msn on a daily basis due to the fact that he has no phone right now. He's got a stable job and stuff and we are trying to take things slow. We have talked about what we expect out of this relationship and our expectations in general.

My problem lies here though. I sometimes get annoyed with him because he seems far too nice to me. I am not used to such a positive healthy relationship and I don't know how to deal with it. All I have ever had really are abusive relationships. Corbyn's bio-dad(or should I say sperm donor) beat me up so bad in January that he almost killed me. I found out after leaving corbyn's sperm donor that I was pregnant with him. I mean I love the fact that Andy is there for me no matter what but I guess I am just really afraid to get hurt. We don't argue about things we actually sit down and discuss things rationally and respectfully. And also respect each other's ideas. We have alot of fun together and he makes me laugh and smile so much. Am I crazy to get annoyed? Am I abnormal in some way or is this just a feeling that will wane when I get used to positive attention?

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Corbynsmama

I would like to join this group I feel like I could get some support here. I have been dating this wonderful guy named andy since I was 6 months pregnant so a little over 3 months now and he has been really great. He's as excited as I am for Corbyn to come. He's helped me set up corbyn's nursery and he's been with me for the most part of my last trimester. Him and I just started getting intimate about a month ago and he's planning on being there while in labour. Which to me is just amazing. I can't believe that a guy would be so willing to be there for a woman who is newly pregnant.

We don't live together although we see each other twice a week and we talk on msn on a daily basis due to the fact that he has no phone right now. He's got a stable job and stuff and we are trying to take things slow. We have talked about what we expect out of this relationship and our expectations in general.

My problem lies here though. I sometimes get annoyed with him because he seems far too nice to me. I am not used to such a positive healthy relationship and I don't know how to deal with it. All I have ever had really are abusive relationships. Corbyn's bio-dad(or should I say sperm donor) beat me up so bad in January that he almost killed me. I found out after leaving corbyn's sperm donor that I was pregnant with him. I mean I love the fact that Andy is there for me no matter what but I guess I am just really afraid to get hurt. We don't argue about things we actually sit down and discuss things rationally and respectfully. And also respect each other's ideas. We have alot of fun together and he makes me laugh and smile so much. Am I crazy to get annoyed? Am I abnormal in some way or is this just a feeling that will wane when I get used to positive attention?

I wanted to say that I have the same issues with not being used to being treated right ... i have been riding with it and allowing myself to feel the annoyed feelings and realizing what they are. It has worked. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in that dilemna

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Belovedk- Thank you so much for letting me know that I am not alone. Sometimes I feel crazy for feeling annoyed at someone who treats me so well because he's being what I would consider too nice. I guess I am used to the jaded feeling and I felt like I deserved the crappy treatment. But it feels better to know I am not the only one who feels like this. I am trying to roll with the punches so to speak and not get annoyed though. I hope it passes with time.

I guess that old saying is true. Sometimes I have to forget how I feel and remember what I deserve.

[lunar forest]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

I wanted to say that I have the same issues with not being used to being treated right ... i have been riding with it and allowing myself to feel the annoyed feelings and realizing what they are. It has worked. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in that dilemna

Yeah that, exactly that. I think it's pretty normal. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for him to start being "real" and stop being nice. But maybe that's not going to happen, maybe it's he really does feel this way and wants to treat me this way. What a strange concept.

[Avani]

I'm someone who spent 9 years with a man who emotionally and physically abused me and i never really saw how wrong it was until i got away from him and spent a year healing from the relationship. It took me two years to really be ok. I have been dating a man for nearly three months now who treats me so well and he has shown me what i truly deserve in a relationship. I have told him that although he is amazing to me that i still falter in self esteem and trust issues but only because of what i am still working through from my past relationship. Being open with him about this has allowed me to work through those things with him and not alone so that as i am processing i can be sure that these issues aren't actually related to who i am but from what happened before. Then once i am aware of the projection it becomes easier to let it all go. He has been really open and helpful in this area. We are still going strong and i am so very much in love with him. He is amazing with all 5 of my kids and he welcomes them in his life. He has a son also so we now have 6 between us. We talk of buying a farm together in the next year which i am so looking forward to. We all deserve amazing men that don't play games and that don't allow us to fully shine as the amazing women that we are. If you don't feel amazing with whoever you are with then you are not with the right man!

[mountain]

Wow, my computer was down & lots happened!

Beloved, you deserve this connection. I'm so excited for you!!! I was smiling reading your posts. You are a shining example of a strong woman who searches for what she wants.

Avani, I think you want to get rid of that "don't"...just a lil editing makes all the difference I wanna shine, dammit! lol

As for me, I'd honestly just given up on finding a partner while I had children. I went through nightmarish shit with the last guy I was with, and was pretty much convinced that men were narcississtic people that sucked energy away from your children. And I'd decided I was just gonna hang with the kids until they were 18 & call it good.

[~kitnkaboodle~]

Mountain good luck. You never know this just may be the one for life. Hopefully it works out.

[mountain]

Thanks Krystal! That's really sweet of you. It does help to have an open mind, and I'm making sure that I'm not locked into any one path---

If there's one thing we've learned: You never know until you know!

[~kitnkaboodle~]

That certainly is true you never really do know until you know

[mountain]

It's funny you post b/c I was reading your post pretty intently and relating. I too am guilty of not being able to "believe" it when men are nice to me...I used to seek out men who just didn't like me *that* much, so I could *make* them like me---weird to look back on. I always liked men who liked their addictions more than me. I wanted to be the *one* who would save them.

With your situation, it looks like you've got a man who is either super sweet beyond measure, or very insecure. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I think it helps to look at things realistically sometimes, yes? I hope, hope, hope he's sweet for you, of course, but keep your eye on the other possibility too.

Why does he have no phone "right now"? That is an interesting thing.

I am a survivor of violence too--it is amazing to get through the process. Accept that it is a process--your trust in other people has been violated because of what someone chose to inflict on you...it's a crazy power thing. Our job is to get through it strong and not let them take more than they already have. You don't want the repercussions to ruin your chance at trusting someone who won't do this to you...it's really freaking hard though. I'm crying as I write this to you because it sucks that people want to hurt others...also I'm PMSing. :LOL

Staying open while staying alert & smart...we can help each other with this. Stay connected.