Attn: Those With 2-Year Olds

[mochimama]

I know there's a lot of us with 2 yo dcs right now and I'm hoping for some advice.
My dd is driving me crazy right now and I'm wondering if it's my hormones that are just making me incapable of having much patience or if there is something else going on (I'm voting for hormones which is why I didn't post this elsewhere).
Dd is 2 years and almost 4 months. She's an excellent talker. She goes to preschool 4 days a week for 3 hours a day. There are 8 children in there at a time and range in age from 2 to 5. Each day there is at least one other 2-year old girl in there with her (although they are a few months older). There is also a posse of three 5-year old boys. I've seen on a couple of occasions that she's tried to interact with them, but they are pretty exclusive. She started there about three months ago and it was a rough start. She now seems pretty used to it, although she does get frustrated and sometimes hits and pushes the other kids (especially the other 2-year olds).
She also has eczema and we have been doing an elimination diet to clear up her patches for also a couple of months. Recently we introduced something new that really made her break out and she has been scratching like mad and very irritated.
She also has her molars coming in (two are through the surface).
She is also sick off and on due to being around the other kids all the time. She had a fever last weekend.
Finally, because I am hugely pregnant these days (hey, aren't we all ), I haven't been doing as much picking her up, nursing, etc. Dh has been doing all the nightime caretaking of her itchies (we cosleep) while I try to sleep.
AND I'm hormonal!
Anyway, lately she's been so whiny and irritated by any little thing. For example, not being able to reach something or barely hitting her head on something put her into hysterics. She whines "mommy mommy mommy" and she doesn't even call me mommy. To her it's just a whining sound (I guess she got it from the other kids). She also hits dh and me and throws things and runs away screaming. It's been unbearable the last few weeks. We try so hard to get her to explain what's going on, but despite her ability to talk well, she clams up.
So, is it preschool, the eczema, my pregnancy, or my hormones, or all four causing this? Or is it just normal 2-year old behavior that we have to get through?
I have got to find the source of this and fix it before the baby comes!
On a side note, we are stopping preschool at the end of this month when I stop working.
Any advice appreciated!

[kitkat5505]

My youngest is the same age and going through the exact same stuff- whiney, throws and hits. He is not in preschool and no eczema, so my guess would be the pregnancy, hormones, and just regular 2yr old behavior :P I vaguely remember my older boy going through a similar phase, so I really hope it will pass on it's own, because I just don't have the patience for it right now. I'm trying to not get so frustrated with him, because that just makes it worse, but with the hormones and being tired it's hard to be patient.

[two bricks shy]

Ohhh man momma. I can certainly relate. My 2 year and almost 3 month old has been doing some similar behaviors, esp WRT the whining, the tantrums, the meltdowns that seem to come out of no where.

I really think much of my problem is hormonal/tired/cranky. I also think DD is at a stage where she is just testing all the time and I am beginning to believe she is frustrated because Mommy simply can't do all the fun things she could do before her belly got all big. I'm trying to be understanding of that last part, because frankly it upsets me too.

Our big thing that seems to be the most effective is enforcement of our house rules. There are times when I really just don't even have the energy to deal with it, but the consistency is helping. I've also been letting DH take over more when he's at home. She's been enjoying her special Papa time and I've been enjoying a little "me" time.

I don't know if that really helps or not, but you are certainly not alone.

[selena_ski]

so it is either an age thing or a end of pregnancy/toddler thing. Mine is the same way, whinny, demanding, clingy... etc

[alleybcat]

I just spent my whole midwife appointment talking about my 2 y 4 month son. I think that he knows things are changing and is reacting to that. I also think that he is a little bored as we use to be very active and spend alot more time at home now. I feel really really bad about both of those.

I also have so little patience with him because I am tired and uncomfortable. These next 6 weeks are going to be a struggle!

[buckysprplmonkey]

There is a series of books out there that I recommend to anyone with children of any age. They are by Louise Bates Ames and they are simplye titled, "Your one year old," "You Two year old," "Your three year old," etc. They are fantastic. They talk about coping techniques for each age, what's within the realm of normal (while keeping it general enough that they aren't pidgeonholing certain ages), etc. I always pick up the one for the age I'm struggling with (so far 4 and 7 have been the worst with DD1, DD2 was the worst as an infant) and the next age. That way I can see what's normal now (and always breathe a sigh of relief that it's not my fault they are nuts) and what to look forward to (and breathe a sigh of relief that the age-whatever age it is-will end someday).

Anyway, one of the key points is that children go through periods of equalibrium and disequalibrium as they grow and change. They'll go through a period of disequalibrium in the time before or while they are grasping a new concept or skill, then they'll even out for a while. 2.5 seems a common age for the disequalibrium.

I don't know if that helps at all. I'm sure the hormones contribute too. My 2.5 yo has been a little nuts lately too, but the 8 year old is nutser, so she's the one I just can't deal with lately. I should get out the 8 year old book. . .

[darkblue0729]

s mama! My DD isn't quite 2 yet, but has been exhibiting many of the behaviors mentioned. She doesn't do preschool or have eczema, so I think it is not only a stage, but a reaction to the pregnancy, etc. She persists in re-testing every boundry and every rule every day and has been doing the hysterical fits when she barely bumps her head or pretends to fall. She has been getting a bit slappy and demanding and having little tantrums when she doesn't get her way...and yeah, it is tough stuff mama! I cry sometimes at night because I feel like I am not patient enough with her and it makes me question how I will be able to manage when her sister is born, but I really believe it will all work out (maybe wishful thinking, lol) Just know you're not alone mama! I think it is just a stage we have to get through...good luck!!

[brenda-sw]

All of the above, none of the above...WHO KNOWS! My DD is 26 months and a great communicator. Yesterday we had a terrific day, today she whined and whined and cried and cried....she gets LOTS of sleep and eats great so I don;t think she is tired or hungry. She has been rubbing on her gums a bit so it could be teeth....DH has been working late so she has not gotten to see him too much this week so it could be that OR she is TWO and this is her pattern!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK GOODNESS DH got home at a reasonable hour tonight and could help w/ dinner and bath bec. I am about to LOOSE it!!!!

{{HUGS}}}

this too shall pass
Brenda

[mochimama]

Thanks so much for your replies
So it seems to be unanimous--it's all to be expected with a 2.5 yo! I think I wanted to blame it on the eczema and preschool, because those are things I might be able to control a little bit. Unpredictable 2 yo behavior is NOT!
But yes, this too shall pass..according to buckys, though, things can be tough even at 8--and I thought I'd be home free at that 3rd birthday!
Thanks for the book suggestions, buckys, I think I saw you recommend them on another thread, too. I will check them out.
I was in a moment of panic last night, so I appreciate your thoughts and hugs everyone. It'll be so nice to run around after her unencumbered (although I keep imagining it'll just be me chasing her with a babe in a sling instead of a babe in the womb ).
THANKS!

[Bella Catalina]

We're going through the same thing. I'm leaning towards him (30mths) recognizing that things are changing and him acting out because of that, and also equally the age thing. He's very verbal, yet he's whining more than not recently and testing every limit. I have very little patience, too.

[kayleesmom]

lurking from due in feb taking notes as my 2nd will be 22 months when baby number 3 arives

[ambotchka]

We apparently need a Big Bellies with Toddlers support group!

My DD is 25 mo and varies: sometimes she's an angel and sometimes she's pushing ALL my buttons. Today wasn't too bad, but I did feel bad b/c we didn't go anywhere. I cleaned house all morning, skipped taking her to the library b/c I was just tired, and then took her to the playground after lunch. She's napping right now (I think...or she's being really quiet).

Our problem has been night waking. The past few nights, she has woken up screaming in terror. I have no idea what's bothering her. She usually tells me everything on her mind, and when I asked if her mouth was hurting, she said no. (She even stopped crying for a second like, "why would THAT make me wake up??") She's been great about getting herself to sleep, but in the night, I have to lie down with her until she's completely passed out, holding her hand for comfort. Weird. I don't know if it's a growing thing, a teething thing, or nightmares.

I love her but gosh-darnit, sometimes I want to ....argh!!!!

[Katielady]

Originally Posted by ambotchka

We apparently need a Big Bellies with Toddlers support group!

Please sign me up.

Jamie is 2 yrs 4 months and is the sweetest little boy, but so much to handle. He literally wakes up (usually next to me in bed, though he starts out in his own), opens his eyes and says "Pyay? Pyay ball? Yight now!" I am resorting to TV more and more to get the breaks I need, which makes me feel awful. Today I started a new campaign of trying to get him to learn to play by himself. He is almost utterly incapable (or unwilling) to play on his own for any length of time and it is exhausting. I figure I'll start out in 5 minute increments. I told him he needed to play with his toys for 5 minutes while I read my book. Of course the first time didn't work at all; he kept bringing different things over to me and asking me to play with him with them, then I'd say, "You play by yourself for five minutes, then I'll play with you." He'd say "no!" and go get a different toy. For the last two minutes he sat next to me and sulked.

I felt badly about it and don't want him to feel rejected, but I don't know what else to do. I can't play with him all day, and I can't take him out as much as I used to either. And I can't let him watch as much TV as he has been either; I wake up at night racked with guilt about it. All I want is for him to be able to play with blocks sometimes while I rest on my side and read a book. I think we can get there, but everything's always such a struggle.

And the tantrums! Today I thought I'd make hot cocoa for him for the first time-- he's allergic to dairy and soy so doesn't usually have chocolate. I came up with the idea of using rice milk, pure cocoa powder, and agave. I was all excited about it and told him what I was doing while I tried getting the proportions just right. He had a massive tantrum because he didn't like the spoon I was using to mix it. Then he didn't like it. Then when I told him I was going to wipe the chocolate off his face, he shouted "No! Dat chocolate tay on my face!!!" and he had a tantrum about THAT. It makes me not want to bother trying anything nice for him. I know he's just acting out because he's 2 and a half and because he's upset about all the changes in our household (ie me being an energy-less blob), but it still frustrates me beyond belief and hurts my feelings too.

[buckysprplmonkey]

Our problem has been night waking. The past few nights, she has woken up screaming in terror.

Weird. My 2.5 y/o has been pulling that stunt lately too. She'd been sleeping so well then just. . . stopped.

[rockportmama]

OMG, I am soooooo right there with y'all! DS is a true joy. And a serious pain. And I don't have the energy/patience to deal well. This week I reinstituted timeouts! We've worked SO HARD to do gentle discipline. I am so disappointed with myself! I'm so stressed out!

Today we were actually out of the house (2nd time this week) at an appt, when DS yells "Pee-pee!" He had a diaper on, so I was pretty sure he'd already gone, but we'd been there for 2 hours already and I had to pee, too. So we truck out to the bathroom and he proceeds to sit on the toilet and refuse to get off! I finally made him get off (him flushing 6 times just made me need to pee more) and he throws a huge screaming/hitting/flailing tantrum while I pee. So as soon as I was done I put him back up on the toilet like he asked and he's still flailing some and falls into the toilet (I hadn't flushed yet). So now he's screaming and the back of his shirt is soaked in pee. Finally he calms down and we go back into the appt, which takes another hour!

I'm hoping against all odds that once the baby comes I'll have my happy nursing hormones back and be able to deal better!

[magpiedee]

We're there, too, with my 25-monther. She has always been a very reasonable and well-behaved child, and we have been able to manage her moods and needs in a way that leaves everybody happy. Until these last 2 weeks, when she has been temperamental, unreasonable, random, whiny, clingy, prone to tantrums, and generally unpleasant. I kept looking for the usual reasons-- illness, teeth, lack of sleep-- but nothing fits. All I can assume is it's "Terrible Two's", plus the fact that the baby is getting quite near.

We are dealing with it through consistency and letting her know our expectations ahead of time. If we try to change a diaper or brush teeth and she acts up, there isn't much recourse. But if we say beforehand, "I'm going to brush your teeth, and if you are good, you may have one story. If you look away or do not let me brush your teeth, NO story," then she is much more prone to cooperate. And, of course, we're having to do 5/3/1 minute warnings at the playground or other fun activities.

We also used to phrase everything as a question to get her talking and involved. "Ready to go upstairs?" used to get the response, "Yes, dat be fun," but now it gets a "NOOOOOOO!!!" So now we've changed it to a non-negotiable action with choices involved, like, "We are going upstairs now. Would you like to walk up the stairs or be carried?" This approach helps so much!

A lot of it, for me, is that it is hard to stay ahead of her psychologically when i'm exhausted, lacking sleep, or having a bad day... ie, pregnant. I am more prone to sloppy parenting on those days, so she falls apart more easily, so I just lose hope and break down crying. I really have to step back, relax, and think through each new issue to find the best solution. Just hollering back at her clearly isn't going to work-- it almost becomes a psychological game. And, no, I don't mean manipulation... I mean preparing her for the world with real consequences while keeping her safe and respecting her feelings and my own.

I never dreamed an easy pregnancy could be this hard... but I've never had a toddler before, either. They really keep you on your toes!

[raek622]

That sounds like my daughter (who is also 2 yrs and almost 4 mos.) This morning, actually, she was miserable. She continually pushed the chair to the counter and climbed up, telling me she was going to "make a mess". When I took her down and tried to distract her she threw a fit. I would come near her to get her dressed and she would scream, cry, kick, hit, run away. Get shoes and socks on? Same thing. Brush her hair? Same thing. It's so frustrating, especially dealing with so many different hormones and just being big and clumsy and tired and sore.

I think she's also starting to realize that things are going to change, because once we both calmed down she just climbed right up on my lap to snuggle and stop crying. She never sits on my lap anymore...

[ambotchka]

We've been having good days and bad days. I think it's more my perception than anything, though; she's fairly consistent. Most of it is my energy level, stress, and a bit of depression because I don't like being pregnant and, to be honest, newborns are a lot of work without much sleep and I don't like that, either. (Love the babe, but not the phase...but maybe this one will be easier!!!)

We're potty training this weekend. No more dipes starting tomorrow. She goes on the potty sometimes and understand everything, but she needs a little incentive (like really wet pants) to give up the diapers.

I hope.

[myra_mcgray]

DS just turned 2 last sunday and is showing many of these same patterns. He whines constantly and will follow me around and hold onto my clothes. Throws temper tantrums, defiant, unhappy, makes me crazy. I think it is age, pregnancy etc...

[KindRedSpirit]

Count us in too.Ds is my buddy, and THANK GOODNESS I have older kids who enjoy entertaining him sometimes!!!!!!!!!We've been on the same hormonal rollercoaster for a few months,one of us in a front car and one in the back,and we console each other and relate and sympathise together.He has not nursed for 4 weeks now, so I guess that's off the table. but he seems less hormonal now....so maybe a little bit of a good thing.He also plays with the baby a lot-building block towers on my belly,walking his fingers around my belly,driving cars,poking,putting his ear up for a snuggle/listen.And if all else fails, he takes a bath.He's become more accepting of my minimal involvement-he can play or we'll read a book, but mom is going to lay down and do it...

Our lifesavers right now are older kids happy to play with him,tv(sad, but true),picture books I have memorized, and recite with my eyes closed and nap rides or playing hide and seek in my covers while I 1/2 doze and he thinks it's that much more anticipation /suspense.....or a play bath.
Of course, now that the universe knows I know, it will all be over tomorrow, and none of this will work!