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My toddler and an uncomfortable child care situation - Page 2  

post #21 of 31
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet2 View Post
I'm kind of anal and my DD is younger than yours, but I will check on her during my workout.

I'm fortunate in that DD has no separation anxiety and is happy as a clam to be in childcare. We have different issues, a multi-age room with choking hazards.

I like pp's suggestions to not expect 1.5hours and to work toward that. Also, talking about it with your DD and giving her some ideas on how to cope so she can process her feelings on the issue.

Lastly, why not check in on her during your workout and give her some challenges for the next check in? 'How tall of a tower can you build before I come back' kind of thing. That engages her, she knows you're coming back, and you know she's not standing in the same spot.

V
Well I'm actually going to fitness classes, so it would be kind of weird to pop in and out of it. Also I have only been leaving her for an hour usually since the classes are already an hour so I don't waste time changing into workout clothes - I get there already dressed.


I guess I should clarify that they have a policy that they come and get you when your child is really upset. They did this the first time I dropped her off and I immediately came and got her. They didn't come and get me any of the other times, so that is sort of progress. She's very understanding of this all, and she's basically moved from the first time when she was alarmed to be in a strange place without mommy to more of a "I know I'm stuck here for an hour, I know mommy will come back and get me, but I also don't like this situation so I'm going to sit here and not do anything."

She recites all of the things that I tell her back to me when she's thinking about it during the day. She reiterates "Mommy always comes back, she never leaves me. Mommy needs to do her exercise. My teacher will help me feel better." etc etc... but I guess she hasn't yet got over this shocking transition into being "left behind" and so she is still protesting.

I think I'll set my guilt aside next week and try to go 4 days in a row and see if it gets better or worse.
post #22 of 31
The first time I left one of my children at the Y ChildWatch, she was 9 months old. I was gone for 25 mintues & came back to find her in exactly the same spot, w/ the same toy in front of her, and two boys throwing things over her head. We d/n return for two years. They *still* had the same ladies "working" in there (I called them Blue-haired Betty & Diabetic Debbie...that's not nice, but neither were they.) Enough comment cards from enough members forced the Y Director to reconsider their employment.

Now we have (mostly) WONDERFUL ppl, ranging in age from 18 to 70. I find that if I engage in conversation w/ them, they will engage my daughter. There are three or four ppl whom I really like, but, more importantly, that my daughter (almost 3) *loves*. I just asked for the schedule; they typically have it posted. (And not in a creepy, stalker-type way, but a friendly "Hey, Ms. Peggy, how often are you here?")

Anyone who works w/ kids (and let's not insult all gym daycare ppl by assuming it's just a job for them) should understand that most kids need consistency. I also have zero problem walking out if it's not looking like she's going to have the right kind/amount of attention paid to her. And I tell them to come & get me if she starts crying. (Hey, I have the rest of my life to workout.) Really, that's not fair to her, the other kids, or the ppl who work there.

I understand that you paid for this as part of your membership, but I assume that you also must have realized that there were two different child rooms b/f you signed the contract. Speak with the ChildWatch director, and, if that doesn't work, talk to the gym director. They are typically really nice ppl who want to do right by you.

Oh, and sometimes we talk about stopping for a bagel afterwards...is that bribery??? Maybe, but everyone's happy at the end of the day!
post #23 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiriamF View Post
I think I'll set my guilt aside next week and try to go 4 days in a row and see if it gets better or worse.
Good for you! A fit mama is a healthy mama. And we all know that a healthy mama is better in the long run.
post #24 of 31
I would ask what days the good childcare provider(the one who you mentioned was engaging, etc.) usually works and go during those days/times. There are some gym childcare providers that I would never leave my daughter with.
post #25 of 31
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lesmac View Post

I understand that you paid for this as part of your membership, but I assume that you also must have realized that there were two different child rooms b/f you signed the contract. Speak with the ChildWatch director, and, if that doesn't work, talk to the gym director. They are typically really nice ppl who want to do right by you.

Oh, and sometimes we talk about stopping for a bagel afterwards...is that bribery??? Maybe, but everyone's happy at the end of the day!
I should again reiterate that my daughter only cried the first time, and they immediately came and got me. They have a strict policy that they won't let your child cry or disrupt the other kids - supposedly. Apparently sitting in place for an hour refusing to do anything doesn't count as being upset.

Since the first time, whenever my DD is about to cry, she just whimpers, "I'm not crying". It's a control issue.

I'm certainly not going to put money above my child. She's the very first priority. If I knew she was bawling her eyes out I would not consider going there at all, regardless of the money I paid. What I do know, based on her personality, is that she could have a blast there IN SPITE of the less than spectacular care givers. This is all so new to her, though, so my best bet, I thought, was to get her into the more mature room - until, I realized after speaking to some moms with the same issue that they weren't making exceptions anymore. I'm still definitely going to ask to speak with whomever is the director and voice my concerns, but if they shoot me down right away, at least I have a few other ideas to try.
post #26 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiriamF View Post
Well, like I stated in my initial post, my daughter could entertain herself with two sticks if necessary. She never has a problem when she is feeling safe and secure. She can do anything. My issue is really more of: the baby room doesn't do a very good job helping her feel safe and happy, they're too busy with babies, etc - and the older room is MUCH more age appropriate for her - and while she doesn't NEED the more complex jigsaw puzzles, books, older kid's toys, etc - it would certainly help her. Furthermore, being around kids who are older and who can talk on her level would also help her feel more settled.

I have only gone five times in two weeks. So it hasn't been that often, but that's because I feel so bad. She truly doesn't like it and they don't seem to be all that fun and exciting to her so I really felt so much guilt taking her even that much.
If the issue is that your DD isn't getting enough personal attention to settle in because the staff are busy with the babies, I'm not sure that the preschool room would solve your problem.

I can see how in a baby and toddler room, where a 2.5 year old would be on the mature end of the scale, the staff might expect your DD to be more independent and focus more of their efforts on the babies. However, in the preschool room they are allowed more children per staff member. Sometimes the older kids are very demanding, active and boisterous, and any younger or quieter kids who are content to sit and not make noise or trouble are just left alone.

The quality of the childcare is probably about the same in both rooms. You need to set aside your guilt and the idea that the grass is greener on the other side of the childcare facility. Focus on this as a separation issue not a gym policy issue. Your DD sounds very tenacious and bright. If she's protesting this, I don't think the protest is going to magically end because baby room has bristle blocks and the preschool room has Lego blocks and paint.

Maybe you could talk to the teachers and find out the days and times when they are the least busy in the baby and toddler room and see if that helps your DD to get more special attention to draw her out. Have you talked to the staff person who is there at drop off to let them know that your DD is struggling with this, what kind of child she normally is, and what tactics are most likely to help her warm up? By all means ask about bringing toys over from the other room, but you can also suggest songs, favourites topics of discussion or toys in the baby room that are likely to engage her.

What about the moms that you talked to who also have kids approaching three? Could you help your DD get to know their kids and try to plan your gym time when other 2.5+ year olds will be there? If these moms go to regular classes maybe you could try and go at the same times. It doesn't need to be a long term plan to execute. Just let them know that your DD would enjoy seeing some familiar faces while she's there. See if they have a bit of a schedule going for the classes they attend, and ask if they'd mind you introducing your DD to their kids.

Would it help if you got there early, stayed with your DD for fifteen minutes and introduced her to the other kids, or the other 2+ kids anyway, as they were dropped off? Would it help if you visited the childcare area together for some playtime without you leaving her to go and workout?

Do you know the name of that one teacher your DD connected with? Could you find out from the gym when she works? Do they have a schedule of who works when so you can prepare your DD for who to expect, even if it only meant that she knew the person's name in advance?

I agree with Kerc, 5 visits over too weeks is not a lot. It's way too early to feel discouraged about this, especially since your DD is only 2.5 and never been dropped off at something like this. When our oldest started preschool the teachers expected the whole first month to be an acclamation period for a lot of kids. I bet you'll see a difference going four days in a row.
post #27 of 31
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChetMC View Post
If the issue is that your DD isn't getting enough personal attention to settle in because the staff are busy with the babies, I'm not sure that the preschool room would solve your problem.

I can see how in a baby and toddler room, where a 2.5 year old would be on the mature end of the scale, the staff might expect your DD to be more independent and focus more of their efforts on the babies. However, in the preschool room they are allowed more children per staff member. Sometimes the older kids are very demanding, active and boisterous, and any younger or quieter kids who are content to sit and not make noise or trouble are just left alone.

The quality of the childcare is probably about the same in both rooms. You need to set aside your guilt and the idea that the grass is greener on the other side of the childcare facility. Focus on this as a separation issue not a gym policy issue. Your DD sounds very tenacious and bright. If she's protesting this, I don't think the protest is going to magically end because baby room has bristle blocks and the preschool room has Lego blocks and paint.

Maybe you could talk to the teachers and find out the days and times when they are the least busy in the baby and toddler room and see if that helps your DD to get more special attention to draw her out. Have you talked to the staff person who is there at drop off to let them know that your DD is struggling with this, what kind of child she normally is, and what tactics are most likely to help her warm up? By all means ask about bringing toys over from the other room, but you can also suggest songs, favourites topics of discussion or toys in the baby room that are likely to engage her.

What about the moms that you talked to who also have kids approaching three? Could you help your DD get to know their kids and try to plan your gym time when other 2.5+ year olds will be there? If these moms go to regular classes maybe you could try and go at the same times. It doesn't need to be a long term plan to execute. Just let them know that your DD would enjoy seeing some familiar faces while she's there. See if they have a bit of a schedule going for the classes they attend, and ask if they'd mind you introducing your DD to their kids.

Would it help if you got there early, stayed with your DD for fifteen minutes and introduced her to the other kids, or the other 2+ kids anyway, as they were dropped off? Would it help if you visited the childcare area together for some playtime without you leaving her to go and workout?

Do you know the name of that one teacher your DD connected with? Could you find out from the gym when she works? Do they have a schedule of who works when so you can prepare your DD for who to expect, even if it only meant that she knew the person's name in advance?

I agree with Kerc, 5 visits over too weeks is not a lot. It's way too early to feel discouraged about this, especially since your DD is only 2.5 and never been dropped off at something like this. When our oldest started preschool the teachers expected the whole first month to be an acclamation period for a lot of kids. I bet you'll see a difference going four days in a row.
Actually one of the perks of the older kids rooms is that there's very few kids there. Both rooms are really never very full, except in the mornings, and I can't go in the mornings because I baby sit (except for friday - the one friday I went when I had the morning off the baby room had FOURTEEN kids to TWO adults. Now I've worked in day care for many years - that is a total violation of state law and I have no idea what kind of arrangement they pretend they are to get away with that.) When the baby room had fourteen kids the other one had 4 or 5.

It's not really all about the toys. But in the older kid's room, they have a reading corner and I've seen whatever teacher there reading to them numerous times. I've also seen that they always have crafts/painting projects out too, which my daughter LOVES. The kids don't get lost in the mess like a toddler would in a baby room where mostly babies are attended to. Plus my child acts a lot better when you treat her like an older kid, like telling her to clean up after herself. And she is very energetic. We haven't yet met an older kid that she gets lost with - she plays very well and has a blast keeping up with the older kids.

I will ask about the one teacher that did engage her, but like i mentioned, I baby sit in the mornings, so my times for going are very limited - because they only offer classes before 12 or after 4 so I can really only go after four o'clock most days. We've gone pretty much the same time every time except for friday. I also go early and spend as much times as she needs before I leave, but she really doesn't care about me being there - until I'm gone!

I'm also planning to take my daughter to a family yoga class on one of the days so she has an idea of what it's like for mommy to go exercise.

The idea about meeting other parents with kids the same age is a good one, but again, I have a very hard time meeting people and making friends - and all of these people seem to all know each other and it's impossible for me to figure out how to enter a circle of friends. Plus I've only seen them at this separate activity on Fridays, never when I've dropped off my kids.

I'm glad to hear repeatedly that it takes a lot longer to adjust. I know that from experience with other kids, I was just feeling bad about my own kid being in this place. But it's not that bad and when she becomes comfortable with this place and stops protesting I think she won't have an issue regardless of what room she ends up in.
post #28 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiriamF View Post
Actually one of the perks of the older kids rooms is that there's very few kids there. Both rooms are really never very full, except in the mornings, and I can't go in the mornings because I baby sit (except for friday - the one friday I went when I had the morning off the baby room had FOURTEEN kids to TWO adults. Now I've worked in day care for many years - that is a total violation of state law and I have no idea what kind of arrangement they pretend they are to get away with that.) When the baby room had fourteen kids the other one had 4 or 5.

It's not really all about the toys. But in the older kid's room, they have a reading corner and I've seen whatever teacher there reading to them numerous times. I've also seen that they always have crafts/painting projects out too, which my daughter LOVES. The kids don't get lost in the mess like a toddler would in a baby room where mostly babies are attended to. Plus my child acts a lot better when you treat her like an older kid, like telling her to clean up after herself. And she is very energetic. We haven't yet met an older kid that she gets lost with - she plays very well and has a blast keeping up with the older kids.

I will ask about the one teacher that did engage her, but like i mentioned, I baby sit in the mornings, so my times for going are very limited - because they only offer classes before 12 or after 4 so I can really only go after four o'clock most days. We've gone pretty much the same time every time except for friday. I also go early and spend as much times as she needs before I leave, but she really doesn't care about me being there - until I'm gone!

I'm also planning to take my daughter to a family yoga class on one of the days so she has an idea of what it's like for mommy to go exercise.

The idea about meeting other parents with kids the same age is a good one, but again, I have a very hard time meeting people and making friends - and all of these people seem to all know each other and it's impossible for me to figure out how to enter a circle of friends. Plus I've only seen them at this separate activity on Fridays, never when I've dropped off my kids.

I'm glad to hear repeatedly that it takes a lot longer to adjust. I know that from experience with other kids, I was just feeling bad about my own kid being in this place. But it's not that bad and when she becomes comfortable with this place and stops protesting I think she won't have an issue regardless of what room she ends up in.
Lots of kids will take more than five short visits in two weeks to warm up to their first drop off care situation. I do think it's very reasonable to give this more time.

However, if your gut is that the preschool room is going to make this vastly easier for your DD it is only a few months. She is your DD, you know her best. You have experience daycare. You're the one who has actually seen these teachers in action. I've known people to put their gym membership on hold on because of a medical or family situation. Would your contract allow you to put your membership on hold until your DD turns three and can go into the other room?

Do you have other gym options with a childcare setup that is more preferable to you? Some contracts will also let you terminate in the first thirty days if you aren't satisfied.
post #29 of 31
Thread Starter 

Good news!

Well I have some good news. We went to the gym for the sixth time yesterday. I did the usual talking up the play room all day long with DD and she did the usual protesting. Before going through, we went and bought her an easel (a gift from my dad who lives overseas) and then bought paint and we kept talking about how we could go home after the gym and put together the new easel and paint. She absolutely loves painting. Another thing I did was go to the gym early and let her swing on the swings for about 20 minutes BEFORE going in - it's one of her favorite activities these days and I thought it would help.

Anyhow when it was time to go in I had to drag her in basically. She had a classic pooh bear with her and was also wearing a pooh bear dress. Well the teacher in the play room picked up on this and immediately started talking to her about pooh bear and my daughter was just pleased enough to respond. I left and when I returned - lo and behold, she wasn't sulking in a corner. I could tell immediately that she'd had a good time, and she was sitting at the table eating her snack and talking to herself as she always does at home. It turns out the teacher has pulled out all things pooh related, and even put on the classic winnie the pooh story book on tape, and my daughter was just pleased as pie. She didn't cry or sulk for a minute!!!

I was ecstatic to say the least, and for a rare moment happy about licensed characters (which we by the way avoid like the plague, and do not have a television - she just knows about pooh from all of my leftover childhood pooh stuff and the classic pooh story books).

So we went again today and the beginning was a totally opposite experience. She went in SCREAMING and protesting and she extremely upset. That had never happened. What a stark contrast and for it to happen the day after she had a lot of fun. But I held my ground and told her I would stay with her until she felt better and to just TRY to have fun. She went and sat herself in a rocking chair with her bear, and I gave her some stories and she finally stopped crying. It only took about 10 minutes, and despite my total and utter fear of arriving late to things, I went ahead and entered the studio where my fitness class was taking place. I was the only person there aside form the instructor so I got my own personal (very strenuous!) workout! When I returned to the child watch, they told me DD didn't cry at all. She wasn't thrilled to be there and spent a lot of the time in the rocking chair, but she eventually got out of it, and started talking to the teacher and finally sat down for a snack!!!

I'm very happy and while this is hard hard work, it is totally worth it to make it work. I am one happy mama when I get my endorphins going! We're not there yet but I eagerly await the day I can just drop her off and not have to think twice about it.

Thanks for everyone's encouragement.
post #30 of 31
It may help if you bring her at a set time everyday so she and the person on staff can get used to each other and the person on staff can help her settle in. This isn't full blown developmental preschool and if you feel that she would beneif from that then you should find another place to put her. Gym childwatches tend to be pretty much just a step above babysitting, they tend to have set rules because they watch lots of kids and need them, and they tend to not be very knowledgable about child development because they don't need to be to get customers.
post #31 of 31
Good for you!!

I would suggest going 10-15 minutes early next time to help her warm up that way you're still on time for class.
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