The extroverted kid and learning to spend time alone

[LuckyMommaToo]

DS is a classic extrovert: always prefers to be with others, recharges by being with others, etc. He just doesn't seem to require down, alone time. But I'm beginning to think that it's a skill I should encourage (just like, if you had an introverted kid, you might gently encourage and support them to join a class or activity). Plus, frankly, I'm ready to explode at him at the end of most days (this is even with him being in pre-K from 8:30-noon).

Anyway, I'm trying to think of ways to begin this. Typically, even when I ask him to play alone, it's a struggle and if he does do it, it's in the room I'm in. I think I'd like him to spend short periods of time in his room.

I'm debating the idea of a jar where, every time he spends a half hour alone in his room, he gets to add a jewel, and after ten? twenty? jewels, he gets a $10 whatever. Just some positive reinforcement. Or maybe it's a straight up bribe!

I'd appreciate any other thoughts you have about this.

thanks,
-e

[CarsonBookworm]

I don't like the idea of bribing.
Why not ask him why he doesn't like to play alone. Then take things from there.

[LynnS6]

I have one introvert and one moderate extrovert. They are both very good at playing by themselves and the BOTH need to play near us.

I can see the value in encouraging independent play for some time. I'm having a hard time seeing the advantage of him learning to play alone away from you. Do you need a break? If so, then I'd set it up as something he can do to help you rather than something he needs to learn to do. (Honestly this is why my kids watch TV. 30 minutes in the basement watching TV and I'm OK again.)

Remember too that if he's a true extrovert, he gets his energy by being with people.

[nathansmum]

My 5yr old ds is also extroverted and just *needs* to be around where we are. He'll play by himself independently (needed to work on that when he was younger), but it's always in the same room or where he can see or easily talk to us. My dd in comparison has taken herself off to her room to play since she could crawl, but ds I could probably count it on 2 hands and less than 15mins at a time! I'm not bothered by it though if he is able to entertain himself even if he's around me. I did need to work on asking him to give me space and not talk to me when I want some down time for a few minutes (still do need to ask him this probably on a daily basis) which he is happy to oblige with if I lay it out and help him understand why. I couldn't imagine it being beneficial for him to made to have solitary time alone as it would just be anxiety causing and he wouldn't be enjoying himself, whereas he'll happily be completely involved in his own thing nearby. I do need to remind him frequently though to also give dd space and allow her to play on her own if she wants.

[Megamum2008]

I understand and agree with the need to get a child used to spending time in his/her own company. Although my own child is still in utero, I have an 11 year-old stepdaughter that has this problem. She has always been the little princess, and is used to being the centre of everyones attention. This is great for some things, like her musical theatre class... not so great for other things. Now that she is getting older, she's in grade 7, we're having a lot of trouble getting her doing things kids of her age are generally ok with by now. She has band this year for instance, and it is torture for her togo into a room by herself to practice. She doesn't want to practice, ever, unless she has someone to keep her company. She won't sit at her desk to do her homework, and it is very difficult to get her to spend any time alone in her bedroom (ie. cleaning it) because she is 'too lonely'. While I appreciate her need to be around other people, I think that this behaviour will be detrimental to her in the long run as she hasn't got the ability to take initiative and do things on her own, she always needs someone there beside her guiding her through every step of everything she does.
So, I don't know about bribing, but I do think that is is good to get the child used to spending some time on their own, being comfortable playing by themselves a bit. Otherwise it can be very hard later, I tell you!