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~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #12 Sept-Oct-Nov*~

post #1 of 87
Thread Starter 
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=939145 Link to the old thread.

Where's all the submissive mamas? Let's get this thread rolling!
post #2 of 87
Thanks! I was in absentia for awhile, since my babes are all so old, I felt less and less inspiration to come here to MDC, but now I am back cooking another one. Dh didn't want any more children, but he seems happy about this one as long as it is alone and healthy. We should find out in 2 weeks whether I have more than one in there. I don't even think about the other possibility.

Here is a great quote I found on one of my favorite blogs:
Quote:
But what else makes a godly woman?

A godly woman is (this is from my journal this week):

-Quick to listen, slow to speak, and when she does speak, it is words of wisdom, exhortation, and love.
-An eye and an ear for others, full of care and compassion
-Calm, peaceful, free of worry or stress, calming to others
-Still (she knows that He is God)
-Fruit bearing (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control)
-Never hurried--even when hurried! Serene, relaxed
-Flexible according to God's leading and promptings
-Puts other's plans, comforts, and desires first
-Modest in dress, behavior, and conversation
-Meek, humble, serving, and the first to ask forgiveness
-Biblical priorities are clear and in order
-Is home, focused on husband, children
-Has rest, trust, and faith in the Lord
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MrsE/
post #3 of 87
naking... :
post #4 of 87
Subbing. :
post #5 of 87
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by laralou View Post
Thanks! I was in absentia for awhile, since my babes are all so old, I felt less and less inspiration to come here to MDC, but now I am back cooking another one. Dh didn't want any more children, but he seems happy about this one as long as it is alone and healthy. We should find out in 2 weeks whether I have more than one in there. I don't even think about the other possibility.

Here is a great quote I found on one of my favorite blogs:

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MrsE/
I like the quote!
post #6 of 87
wifely submission...its what the instruction manual tells us works. it works for me... but so many women think it means that theyre below the husband or his slave or something...and we wonder why theres a divorce epidemic!
post #7 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3lilpunkins View Post
wifely submission...its what the instruction manual tells us works. it works for me... but so many women think it means that theyre below the husband or his slave or something...and we wonder why theres a divorce epidemic!
I think that's cause there's more opportunity to divorce, though. If it were easier back in the 1950's, I wonder how many people would have divorced.
post #8 of 87
post #9 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmeyrick View Post
I think that's cause there's more opportunity to divorce, though. If it were easier back in the 1950's, I wonder how many people would have divorced.
I think a lot of it also has to do with how society's attitudes towards everything has changed. When something breaks, people don't try to fix it. They go by another one! So when their marriage is broken they just throw it away. KWIM? That and I think people have been dazzled by the idea that love is just a feeling, not a verb. People don't seem to understand that you can create and grow love by serving your spouse.

I'm Holly btw. 22 yo, expecting #1 in December. Trying to be a better wife. I'll be subbing to this thread.
post #10 of 87
subbing =)
post #11 of 87
Hi!

I'm trying to be a biblically submissive wife to a husband who won't lead.

I'm open to suggestions.
post #12 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
Hi!

I'm trying to be a biblically submissive wife to a husband who won't lead.

I'm open to suggestions.
I'm right there with you.
post #13 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
Hi!

I'm trying to be a biblically submissive wife to a husband who won't lead.

I'm open to suggestions.
What do you mean by won't lead? Is he passive and wanting you to make all the decisions or is he not saved and won't lead spiritually? Trying to understand.
post #14 of 87
I'm here. Happy to say things have been going pretty well lately. Dh and I are both learning about how to do marriage well.
post #15 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
Hi!

I'm trying to be a biblically submissive wife to a husband who won't lead.

I'm open to suggestions.
Actually, he is leading even if it is by his passiveness. Being the leader in the home isn't something a man has to try to do, it is his God given position. How they choose to lead is up to them. Does that make sense? I'll try to find an article that explains it better...
post #16 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama_Leah View Post
Actually, he is leading even if it is by his passiveness. Being the leader in the home isn't something a man has to try to do, it is his God given position. How they choose to lead is up to them. Does that make sense? I'll try to find an article that explains it better...
hmmm well I think that is debatable. if he is shirking his responsibility b/c he doesn't want it then it's not leading in the sense of what it's supposed to be

that would be like saying an abusive mother is still a mother b/c they gave birth. ok yes technically... but not really.

it's sticky though. I don't believe there is one perfect answer on how to handle it. pray for sure... beyond that I think it depends on the situation. it is VERY hard to be a submissive wife to a husband who doesn't want your submission. it often puts you at odds with God but the nature of it. wanting to submit but having a husband who doesn't want it. well you could say "if he doesn't want it then I am submitting by not making him want it". but it's just not that cut and dry at all!

it is so EASY when you have a strong leading husband to say to others "be submissive even if he doesn't want it" b/c when your lead doesn't give you directions you're well... a bit lost! you can only GUESS what pleases him. you can only try your best. it will never be fully right until and unless your husband takes up his role. I really get sick of hearing this. seriously sick of hearing this. it ISN'T that easy! you're always in danger of offending either your husband or God or both.
post #17 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by HennyPenny View Post
hmmm well I think that is debatable. if he is shirking his responsibility b/c he doesn't want it then it's not leading in the sense of what it's supposed to be

that would be like saying an abusive mother is still a mother b/c they gave birth. ok yes technically... but not really.

it's sticky though. I don't believe there is one perfect answer on how to handle it. pray for sure... beyond that I think it depends on the situation. it is VERY hard to be a submissive wife to a husband who doesn't want your submission. it often puts you at odds with God but the nature of it. wanting to submit but having a husband who doesn't want it. well you could say "if he doesn't want it then I am submitting by not making him want it". but it's just not that cut and dry at all!

it is so EASY when you have a strong leading husband to say to others "be submissive even if he doesn't want it" b/c when your lead doesn't give you directions you're well... a bit lost! you can only GUESS what pleases him. you can only try your best. it will never be fully right until and unless your husband takes up his role. I really get sick of hearing this. seriously sick of hearing this. it ISN'T that easy! you're always in danger of offending either your husband or God or both.
I don't think God is offended by your seeking ways to please a passive leader. Submission is so much a heart matter, not necessarily action based. I believe God is honored by your desire to submit just as much as He would be if you spent every moment of your day fulfilling your husband's commands.

I'm not sure if your last paragraph was directed towards me...my husband is a fairly responsible leader raised in a household with a very dominate leading father and quietly submissive (covering) mother. However I watched for 18 years as my mother tried to force my quiet, passive father into her idea of what an ideal leader should be.

I'm not saying it is right for a man to leave the wife constantly confused as to how she is to submit. But being the leader is his role, whether he plays it well or not. He is responsible to God for that, not you.
Think of it this way, you are cast in a play as Juliet. Mister is cast as Romeo. You don't really like his version of Romeo, you think it would be better if he said his lines this way, or stood just like this. But you are not Romeo, you need to focus on being the best Juliet even if it means trying to make up for Romeo's lack of acting skills. He is responsible to the director for his performance.
post #18 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by HennyPenny View Post
that would be like saying an abusive mother is still a mother b/c they gave birth. ok yes technically... but not really.
They are still a mother, just a bad one. A husband is always a leader, whether he is leading by abdication or leading through direction. Either way he's leading whether he likes it or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HennyPenny View Post
you can only GUESS what pleases him.
I have been working on asking deliberately what he'd prefer I do in specific situations. My husband is a good leader but he doesn't go around saying "do this THIS way" or "I want THIS for lunch not THAT" and if I take the time to ask him and do things the way he'd rather it communicates love and respect to him and I feel more confident that I'm doing things the way he prefers.

Don't know if that speaks at all to what you're going through or not, but thought I'd share.

While I was subbing anyway...
post #19 of 87
you can try to sum it up in a simple little sentence... but it isn't that easy. if a mother is a mother regardless of how she behaves... for example, her kids will not know how to please her. they can be right in their heart but they will not make their mother pleased. it's the nature of the situation. you can please those which are not living up to their requirements, even if you want to.

that said you need to be right within your heart. you can't always please your husband/mother or who is in leadership of you but you can always AIM to, and you can always TRY to, and you can always love them and you can always always always pray for them.

I'm in no way saying that if I husband doesn't wish to lead that a wife doesn't need to aim to be in submission. that she is also let go of her responsibility. I am saying it isnt that easy and giving someone who is deeply struggling with this a pat answer of "well he's still the leader even if he isn't leading you" isn't helpful in the least. they likely know it, and have prayed and shed many a tear over it.

my dearly loved husband IS a leader. but he wasn't always. and i went through this. and i cried and prayed and God heard my prayers. I wasn't just praying for my sake. but for his and my families. it broke my heart. and to be told "well he's a leader even if you don't think he's leading" was so hurtful. I was not out to undermine his authority in anyway and it hurt being implied that I was. I wish the best for my husband and to see him not be in obedience was so hard. ecp since I had been recently been very convicted of not being in obedience myself and had made the changes.
post #20 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gnatty View Post
My husband is a good leader but he doesn't go around saying "do this THIS way" or "I want THIS for lunch not THAT" and if I take the time to ask him and do things the way he'd rather it communicates love and respect to him and I feel more confident that I'm doing things the way he prefers.
I kind of have this problem with my husband, too but a little different. I would ask him what he wants for dinner..."I don't care..." I finally decided that this falls under the catergory of being a help-meet. He would rather me relieve him of the burden of deciding what he wants for dinner than give me an outline for a specific meal. He does have special requests sometimes but now I just wait for him to tell me. This applies to most areas of our homelife, the children, the house etc. I usually just do things "my way" (unless it is something we have already gone over) and wait for him to tell me different because most of the time he doesn't really care either way and he will let me know if it is something that is really important to him.
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