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Would this be considered rude? - Page 2

post #21 of 35
We registered at Amazon.com to try to avoid this issue as well. You can get cloth diapers, wooden toys, organic mattresses, slings etc on there.

We also registered at Target, which I was less excited about. However, many of the older folks in my family do not use the internet. I was able to sign up for many organic items and Target even carries cloth diapers nowadays. I did get a bunch of plastic crap that I returned; we bought a video camera instead--we'll get way more mileage out of it and certainly folks will enjoy the movies I post on our website without having the chance to be offended by my descriptions of what they should buy us or not. The only challenge here is driving to a Target, hauling in the crap and dealing with lines. In general, though, I'm really happy with how things worked out.

Good luck!
post #22 of 35
Thread Starter 
Putting registry information on an invitation, however, is very rude. [QUOTE]

Really?? Hmm, I can't think of a shower invite I've seen (baby or wedding) that didn't include the little cards you get from your registry location that says "We're registered here."
post #23 of 35
Originally Posted by OrganicSister View Post
Really?? Hmm, I can't think of a shower invite I've seen (baby or wedding) that didn't include the little cards you get from your registry location that says "We're registered here."
I guess we run in different circles. They're quite frowned upon among the people I know.
post #24 of 35
Miss Manners and so on would say that announcing registry locations, or any other form of requesting specific gifts other than "the gift of your presence" or "in lieu of flowers," is inappropriate. There are many people who do so anyway, and many people who do not find it offensive.

But to follow the strictest etiquitte, you do not request gifts in any form. How it's supposed to work is for other people to inquire if you are registered anywhere (or wanted anything in particular), but they are not required to do so. And if someone doesn't ask for registry information and gets you whatever gift they want, the gift is still accepted graciously.

So basically the idea is to wait for other people to ask your preference. If they don't ask, oh well. You are permitted to do whatever you like with the gift after it is given (but of course you must be gracious on accepting it, and properly thank the giver). Then you're free to find it a new, happy home.

Is it a perfect system? Absolutely not. But it's the one we got. If you're worried about being rude, then making any requests regarding gifts - unless specifically asked to - is rude. If you're not worried about being rude - go for it
post #25 of 35
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
I guess we run in different circles. They're quite frowned upon among the people I know.
Mine too.

I get them a lot, but they are tacky. You are not supposed to put registry information in an invitation. but I had one where someone did that without me knowing, since you obviously don't plan your own shower, you can't always control what's done.

Even more tacky than that, I've been to a number of baby showers where the guests are asked to address their own thank you notes . Sorry, but that is beyond lame. To me, part of giving thanks is taking the time to write a nice note and address it yourself. If I have to do half of it myself, I'd rather not get a note.

The easiest thing to do is just do a registry with stuff that is organic, wooden, etc. Its not that hard and people get the point. Like someone else said, people who don't get it will do their own thing regardless. Its the thought that counts.

I think people try to micromanage gift giving too much. It is a real turn off to people.

That said, I found the article in last month's Mothering about eco showers to be totally offensive this way as well. To me, its fine to have your host use reusable utensils (not paper) and register for eco friendly stuff. But NO ONE likes getting a laundry list of rules about what gifts are allowed and which aren't. Very rude IMO.
post #26 of 35
Also wanted to say that I myself registered on thethingsiwant.com and at a local children's resale shop that also sells new cloth diapers.

I worked at an elementary school close by. I GOT ALL of my cloth diapers from my showers. It was sooo wonderful. My coworkers (mostly traditional types) went crazy for the cloth diapers (Kissaluvs) and went on and on about how cute they were. Teams of teachers got together and bought me 5 and 6 at a time. It was too cool. Not only that, but many of them had not been in the consignment store, and became regular shoppers there to buy clothes for their own kids. :

I didn't preach to anyone about "no plastic" or anything like that, but I certainly had a non traditional registry. It educated a lot of people about more natural family living, and it didn't make people feel offended or criticized.

post #27 of 35
Maybe a copy of their favorite storybook from when they were a child or from their own child's childhood if they are insistent upon buying "something new" for baby? (Most people are going to choose "the classics" in that case)
post #28 of 35
For us, this is baby #1. We do have two registries; one is at BRU the other at thethingsiwant.com (despite its horrible url). A lot of things we put on there are example items. We didn't register for much though, because we don't need much (no crib stuff, bottle stuff, etc.). We did put a note at the top of our registries that reads: We love all things "hand-y:" hand-made, second-hand, hand-picked, or hand-me-down.

Also, as our baby is due at the beginning of November, we'll have the baby before Christmas, and my family always asks for holiday lists. We'll just say for the baby that we prefer no batteries and no plastic. I wouldn't get more specific than that. If people ask for brand suggestions, I would give them but not unless asked.

I'm pretty sure that from our blog and from conversations, people know what types of things we would want. Otherwise, giant noisy plastic things will all be returned (and our family gives with receipts). I am sure that we will get unexpected baby gifts from neighbors, co-workers, etc. that are bottles and disposible diapers. Those things I don't know if we'll be able to return, but I'm sure we can donate them somewhere.
post #29 of 35
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Yeah, but a registry can help mitigate the damage when you have so many "consumerists" who want to buy you gifts. Maybe 4 people will go in together to buy you a good carseat instead of each of them buying you a bulky plastic toy you neither want nor need.

At someplace like Target or BRU you're likely to find a few "higher end" items such as a carseat, wooden highchair (maybe with extra washable chair pads to alternate as they get dirty), slings, organic baby clothes/blankets/etc, wooden rattles, even some cheap cloth diapers that are good as burp cloths even if they're not good as diapers.
yeah, that. Even not wanting much, I would definatly register for a few things, big ticket items like car seats etc. That way, people will shop at the place you register, weather they get what you ask for or not, making it easier to return. You will also get to research things like car seats and choose the one that you really want, maybe several people will go in on one really large item, like a pricey car seat, and limit the number of unessisaries you get. Definatly check target. I know our Local target has started carrying lots of organic and natural things. Lots of organic clothing, ca baby and burts bees products, some cloth diapers and slings etc. For my baby shower, several years ago now, I had the hostess add on the invitation that we would be using cloth diapers, so no diapers please. I put this as a note on my registry as well, no one took it badly. I got a lot of "you're nuts" and "that won't last very long" but no diapers Pass the word that you LOVE handmade things and casually mention how nice it would be to have a full freezer when the baby comes (this is what I have been saying when everyone mentions a shower for number 2, not thanks, but I would LOVE food!) Word of mouth can go far. Mothering magazine had some great ideas for alternative showers as well, and how to get your loved ones on board.

Most of all, practice fake "I love its". Can't tell you how many gifts I got and went, ughh, but said "wow" lol.
post #30 of 35
My husband and I are similar to you in your philosophy, but I most definitely did do a registry. It gives people the right general idea. If they're going to buy something, at least it should be something you like, even if you'd have preferred a home-made meal.

My registry is mostly cloth diapers. A little boring, I know. But I tried to pick out cute, colorful diapers so that people would find it a little more fun.

I don't think it's polite to include registry information in an invite either. I wait for people to ask me or to hear it from the grapevine. If they do get something for me that I don't want, I'll send a lovely thank you card and donate or return it.

I've also joked with a lot of people about my "phobia" of my house being taken over by baby stuff. Most people get the drift. I have no doubt I'll find myself telling people, "We have absolutely more baby things than we know what to do with right now, but we would LOVE a casserole or some take-out" if they specifically ask me. Yes, my definition of "more baby things than we know what to do with" is very different from most peoples' but it's true for me!
post #31 of 35
There's this wish list site, too: www.kaboodle.com

I'd mention (every chance you get, if they're like my Mom and MIL!) your wishes to your mom and his, or aunts or whomever. Anyone hosting a shower. In fact, if you have a shower close to your due date, one of the things the hostess can ask for is that everyone brings a freezer meal as part/all of their gift.

For baby's first Christmas the year before last, the whole Made in China/lead paint mess had just broken in the news. This was an easy way for me to reiterate my reasons against huge hulking, noisy, plastic toys. It worked really well. We actually got wooden puzzles and books instead! Since it's still relatively fresh in people's minds, you could mention that as well as the BPA issues as reasons to avoid MIC/plastic stuff.
post #32 of 35
Just FYI, Melissa and Doug toys are made in China. You can find their response to questions about that (as well as worries over lead paint) in Crunchy Domestic Goddess's blog:

Hi Amy - Yes, we definitely appreciate and understand your concern.

Please be assured, we test for lead VERY frequently.

It’s quite possible to make great quality children’s items in China, which meet all safety regulations, but the key point is that you have to test and inspect very frequently to be sure that your factories are always following your instructions explicitly. I assure you that’s exactly what we do.

From our experience, the key to doing this correctly is not simply to insist that your factories follow your instructions, but then to go one step further and to AUDIT, INSPECT, AND TEST very frequently. That is the most important part of the process, and it’s something our company has always taken VERY seriously.

Thanks again for asking, and for your support also.

Your Dedicated Customer Service Team

Melissa & Doug, Inc.


Monday-Friday 8:00-5:00 EST
post #33 of 35
I've always seen registry info included in invites. That's how we know where to shop if we want to get them something they desire vs just something we might think they'll like. I can see how it might not fit with proper etiquette, but overall, it seems to be well excepted, and expected. I think I may try some of the suggestions for online place you ladies mentioned!
post #34 of 35
I would probably say that you have all that you need for the new baby and instead of a gift would each person send a photo of themselves to be made into a baby photo book or a donation to xxx charity/women's shelter in honor of the new baby etc. If it isn't seen as "buy me this stuff but not that junky stuff" I don't think it is rude to redirect. If people ask you directly, then you could get into your preferences.
post #35 of 35
You certainly have enough here to think about but I wanted to post an experience I had. A family member and her partner were expecting and had the host write in the shower invitation that the parents to be would most appreciate "hand-y" gifts--hand me downs, second hand, hand made. I feel like it was a sweet way of explaining what they wanted without it seeming tacky. I believe there was some mention of if you need other ideas to check "x" website for ideas or to contact the host of the shower or parents. The website (I forget what it was now) was obviously by the name an organic cotton type company.
I hope this helps!
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