Trust

[CParker]

We have a neighbor who we're good friends with. They have a daughter who is 6 months older than our DD (DD just turned 3), and they love playing together. The problem is that their daughter is really manipulative and our DD, having no reason to not trust her friend, goes right along with whatever her friend tells her to do. For example, its not uncommon for the friend to tell our DD to do something the friend knows is wrong, but she has my DD do it because then DD will get in trouble instead of her.

As of now we don't let DD play at their home if we're not there, since we found the kids are not well supervised (there was an incident where the friend told my DD to eat some "salad" from the back yard. Luckily it wasn't toxic, but we later found they were outside by themselves while the adults were inside.)

But should we not allow them to play together at all? DD also comes back with all sorts of annoying/inappropriate sayings after visiting with her friend, which doesn't help matters. I know if we say something to her parents they'll be offended, and I'm not sure its worth the confrontation.

I'm sure her willingness to trust her friend and do what she tells her is totally developmentally normal, so I'm not sure explaining the situation will help her be any more discriminating in her "following the leader". My husband gets irritated though, trying to explain to her that she shouldn't do what her friend tells her when she knows its wrong, etc., but I think its pointless. Thoughts?

[LeaS]

You know, I remember kids like that when I was a kid. I also remember having to learn to know better... But at age 3 it's kinda tough isn't it? For some it's tough at 16+.
JMO, but I would only allow my DC play with the other child under my supervision, so I think you've taken the right step. I wouldn't stop the playing together because its sort of hard to do (neighbors, + friends at that).

[soposdedi]

Yeah, i would have to say that supervision is definitely in order. That kind of sneaky kid.. urrghhh... those make me very . Wouldn't want my babe doing something under the other child's influence, taht might cause her harm.

[karemore]

Tough call. I would have to limit the interaction.

It doesn't sound like a healthy friendship and it could be potentially dangerous.

We're having to pull away from some friends now because the daughter is behaving in ways that are more like a tween than a 3 year old. It's not easy, I really like the mom.

I hope you can work something out so you can preserve the friendship with the parents but keep your daughter safe and happy!

[Britishmum]

At that age my kids didn't go to play elsewhere without adult supervision, unless it was a very close friend who I trusted who was babysitting the kids for me. If the kids go to play, so do I.

That's what I'd do, in your shoes. I think this is too young to have them unsupervised, and I'd want to be there to monitor what is happening and redirect if necessary. What this child is doing is not necessarily unusual, but without adult supervision, it could become problematic for your child. I'd nicely just make sure that when the kids played, they did it under my supervision until they are a fair bit older.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

At that age my kids didn't go to play elsewhere without adult supervision, unless it was a very close friend who I trusted who was babysitting the kids for me. If the kids go to play, so do I.

Same here. Even if the other children are really great and who aren't any more likely to get into trouble than my DD, I'm there with them. So are the other parents, usually. At that age, even the safest of toddlers can come up with some kooky ideas when they're together.