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May yank my twins out of public school - thoughts? *BIG UPDATE #137* - Page 8

post #141 of 161
we hsed last year after we pulled d from PS K. It was a great year and now she is in a charter school that has been a very positive experience. I say you know what a good or bad situation is for your children. HS does not have to be forever, like anything with kids just take each day as it comes. We very well may revisit HS ourselves one day. It was a great year.

Good luck with your journey
post #142 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by UberMama View Post
UPDATE

After a lot of talking this weekend, we've decided to pull Kyler out of school and keep Cameron in. For a number of reasons we feel this is best for both of them. I'm going to give the HSing thing a couple of more days (we did it over the weekend as well) before I tell the school what is going on. Even if for some reason we sent Kyler back to PS, he would not go back to that teacher.

I have a feeling it will be mainly about Cameron's speech as he has an ever so slight lisp.
Good for you! I only read this thread today, so good for you.

A lisp is considered a problem? My husband has a bit of one, and it's only a "problem" if I'm already annoyed at him and he says something with lots of s's and th's and even x's. But everyone else understands him, just not the woman who gets aurally annoyed by stuff.

DS has a bit of one too, and it's not a problem, it's just the way his and his father's teeth are formed!




Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
Yeah, definitely not buying that one. Even if its true -- in almost every school I have ever heard of leaving a child unsupervised alone in a room is against the rules. I'm pretty sure in our state "isolation" time outs are only allowed for violent students who are a danger to other students. You might want to check this out so you have straight facts before you confront teacher/principal and/or escalate up the line. Just think of all the ways an unsupervised 5 YO could hurt himself in an empty classroom -- sissors, cleaning chemicals... What would have happened if he had hurt himself in those five minutes? Left the school property? Taken? What if there had been an emergency? (In So. CA its always "what if there had been an earthquake since they come without warning).
Same in Oregon, the pacific northwest. We have earthquakes too. And volcanoes.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaknowsbest View Post
She is torn,as the one twin really likes school,and is doing well.
UberMama, didn't you say that Cameron doesn't care about school? That all he likes to do is the work, and doesn't deal with the kids in his class? Sounds like he might want to HS too. Watch him for changes since his brother is now at home but he's not...


Quote:
Originally Posted by UberMama View Post
The oddest thing happened - Kyler was sick yesterday. I mean, very sick. Coughing a lot, terribly runny nose.

And do you know what happened today? He's fine. Please explain this to me. I would think allergies but the coughing yesterday was terrible. And why one full day of it and then nothing at all today? I don't get that.
I have always been more sickly than I should be, I had food allergies then they disappeared then I got environmental allergies...in college I overworked myself during a BAD emotional time of my life, and developed exercise induced asthma. During pregnancy when I switched from ibuprofen to tylenol (as they tell you to, right?) I developed asthma full-blown.

My asthma and allergy attacks were occasionally caused by outside stuff totally, but other times I could be in the same situation (big field, cat, smokers, whatever) and have NOTHING happen.

My asthma especially is VERY emotionally based. I used to have sneezing coughing felt like I was dying allergy attacks when arguing with my mom. Once the argument was done, the attack was done. When hubby and I have arguments now, sometimes I develop asthma and he has to make me my nettle tea (thank goodness it can be controled with that or black coffee, b/c albuterol made me feel desperately homicidal and near-violent along with shaky and jittery and unable to focus) and we have time to calm down.

So it does not surprise me AT ALL that after such an awful day, where either he felt so bad that he went to find his brother even though he knew it was wrong, or his teacher put him in a room alone then called him a name and scratched him, or wherever the truth might lie. Then he gets home, is able to tell his story to a person who loves him, probably have some time with his beloved brother, and rest, and it heals up. Doesn't surprise me at all. Many people know that their asthma and allergies have a heavy emotional cause!
post #143 of 161
How is it going for your boys now?
post #144 of 161
How did the meeting go?
post #145 of 161
Update?
post #146 of 161
yes please update when you have time.
post #147 of 161
Thread Starter 
Not much to update.

There was no meeting, they cancelled it.

The boys are continously sick. In fact, we're going into urgent care tonight (when they open) as DS2 has an ear infection - again. I have the school riding my .... and telling me Cameron can come to school even when he is coughing. This totally contradicts what they sent home with the kids on the first day, saying if they have a barking coughing, one that is producing, etc. to keep them home. The nurse seems to think an inhaler will cure them as needed.. I've tried, it doesn't. Yes, they have asthma but this is not just asthma.
post #148 of 161
So, you still have Cameron at school and Kyler homeschooling? I hope that the hsing is going well and am sorry that your boys have been sick!
post #149 of 161
Thread Starter 
UPDATE

Well, I didn't think there'd be reason to update but .. now there is. :/

Yes, I put them both back into school. After Cameron's teacher said, "Hey, why don't we put Kyler into my classroom as well." I was like, "FINALLY!" and the principal agreed too it (finally as well). So both the boys went back into the same classroom. It's been almost perfect ever since.. well, until Tuesday of this week.

They've both been doing well. And while the illnesses are still hitting, it's not near as bad. We haven't had ANY issues with Kyler (or Cameron) as far as behavior, their school work, etc. Their teacher is just wonderful with them and praises them up and down. She really tries to work with us to help them get the best education possible.

So, Tuesday of this week comes along and everything changed.

So, I'll start from the beginning..

Tuesday morning, we get up and I lay clothes out for the boys. I went in and brushed my teeth, got my jeans, went back out to the living room (where they change their clothes, so as not to wake their sister).. and I found them both in their pj's still. This has happened a few times lately, they just get lazy and wait until I get on their butts to do something.. typical kids, right?

So, I tell them both to please change their clothes NOW, we're already running late.. I get their dirty clothes and run them out to the garage myself (to save them the trip), they get dressed, get their shoes and coats on and out we go. BUT this wasn't before I noticed Cameron had a rosy face. I figured he was getting sick again, so I took his temp and it was normal. PHEW! So, we go to school. And in the two minute drive there, I talk to them about how they are six years old and they need to dress themselves without me standing there telling them to do it. I understand they are waking up, but they can't sit around waiting on me to get upset with them. I was nice and talking in a normal tone.

Got to school, told their teacher that yes, Cameron has a rosy face but I am thinking maybe it was something on his pillow that irritated his face? Not sure but he's not sick! She says (with a smile on her face), "Okay!" and tells me to have a good day and I leave.

2pm rolls around and a knock at the door. DHS workers standing there saying that there's been a report of abuse. (Let me say here, I've read many threads on MDC about others who have dealt with DHS and what to do and what not to do - no need to debate what I did or did not do, please) I let them in the house and they told me that Cameron told someone at school that I had hit him. For the next 30 minutes or so, we went over everything - from how the kids can't always keep their stories straight (typical six year olds, which the workers seemed to agree and then say how Kyler told them he threw a piano the other day.. yeah.. we don't even have a toy piano, so he was just making stuff up, of course), how DH doesn't abuse me, how we do have food in the house, how we don't do drugs (they asked the boys if we do drugs.. the boys don't know the word "drug".. and I told DHS, they can do a UA, blood test, whatever - on both DH and I right there and then, we absolutely do not do anything.. I don't even like taking Tylenol), etc. etc. They then asked why we don't have DD in HeadStart (preschool) and I said we didn't qualify. They asked why and I said, "What's the income limit for a family of five?" and the lady said 25k or so. And I said, "My husband makes over (X) times that" and she was like, "Oh.."

They left and I cried a bit, while getting DD and I ready to pick the boys up from school.

We get to the school and the boys teacher comes out, hugs me and with tears in her eyes tells me how sorry she is, she had nothing to do with this and doesn't believe for a minute that I'd ever abuse my children. She told me how she can tell that while I am strict, I am a good mother and that the boys look forward to me picking them up in the afternoon, how they talk lovingly about their Mommy & Daddy during their school days, etc. By this point I'm in tears again. The teacher then says something like, "I had nothing to do with this.." ((I edited this next part to say that someone else told me indirectly who called DHS on us and that person that called was Kyler's old teacher, the one we had SO MANY issues with in the past)) That just angered me, of course but I didn't show it and instead walked out with the kids, asking them the typical questions about their day, what they chose for lunch, etc.

I kept the boys home from school today (Wednesday). I just had this strong desire to have them near me. Gee, I wonder why. DH and I have some more talking to do tonight as far as what we need to do. I won't say everything here, being a public forum, but I will say that there will be complains filed and we have obtained a lawyer. I'm also debating on going into my dr and having them do drug testing on me, so we have it on file. I am just trying to do everything possible to prove that not only do I not abuse my children, but I am a darn good mother and not just going to sit around while people try and mess with my family.
post #150 of 161
Wow. That is an astoundingly vicious act of revenge by that teacher. I am so sorry that this is happening to your family.
post #151 of 161
I agree that it's a horrible experience to go through. My only question is, did your DS say anything about it? What did CPS say was said?

If a child has a red mark on his face and I ask him if it bothers him and he says, "Yeah. My mom hit me there," he might be making it up. He might be saying something out of confusion (maybe you rubbed it to make sure it was OK and that's what he's talking about)...there could be a million different things. What I have to do is report that, as a caregiver to the child.

I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make. I'm just saying be careful before calling it an act of revenge. If it was, it was horrible an malicious.
post #152 of 161
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattBronsil View Post
I agree that it's a horrible experience to go through. My only question is, did your DS say anything about it? What did CPS say was said?

If a child has a red mark on his face and I ask him if it bothers him and he says, "Yeah. My mom hit me there," he might be making it up. He might be saying something out of confusion (maybe you rubbed it to make sure it was OK and that's what he's talking about)...there could be a million different things. What I have to do is report that, as a caregiver to the child.

I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make. I'm just saying be careful before calling it an act of revenge. If it was, it was horrible an malicious.
DS didn't say much beyond what the principal talked to him about and how two "nice girls" (DHS) talked to him. I didn't push for more information. DHS wasn't wanting to say much beyond what I said above. Plus, I was in shock and unable to think clearly at the time.

And yes, I did touch DS's face yesterday as I was feeling for bumps or something to tell me what it was caused by (a spider bite, I don't know).

I understand that if he told the teacher that I hit him, that the teacher is a mandatory reporter. BUT based on the circumstances, I feel it was more than that and I don't feel that my son said this without being provoked.

DH and I are definitely thinking about things from every angle possible before doing anything.
post #153 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by UberMama View Post
DS didn't say much beyond what the principal talked to him about and how two "nice girls" (DHS) talked to him. I didn't push for more information. DHS wasn't wanting to say much beyond what I said above. Plus, I was in shock and unable to think clearly at the time.

And yes, I did touch DS's face yesterday as I was feeling for bumps or something to tell me what it was caused by (a spider bite, I don't know).

I understand that if he told the teacher that I hit him, that the teacher is a mandatory reporter. BUT based on the circumstances, I feel it was more than that and I don't feel that my son said this without being provoked.

DH and I are definitely thinking about things from every angle possible before doing anything.
I was more writing to other users than you. You know more about the situation than we do obviously and you obviously have every right to feel upset. I just wanted to stop, ahead of time, where these threads sometimes go ~ which turn very nasty. It didn't sound like you were going that way...I just wanted to put out a quick reminder so it doesn't happen.

I hope if it was done vindictively, heads roll.
post #154 of 161
Definitely obtain a lawyer. I'd do the drug tests ASAP on you and DH so you can show that around the time of the incident, you were both clean.

Keep sending them to school. Kyler's old teacher has had her day, DHS found nothing and she'll be marked with suspicion if she tries to call on you again. The teacher you're working with sounds like a gem.

Jenn
post #155 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by rabrog View Post
Definitely obtain a lawyer. I'd do the drug tests ASAP on you and DH so you can show that around the time of the incident, you were both clean.

Keep sending them to school. Kyler's old teacher has had her day, DHS found nothing and she'll be marked with suspicion if she tries to call on you again. The teacher you're working with sounds like a gem.

Jenn
this. I do not see this as a reason to pull them out of school. In fact new teacher sounds perfect. I'd try to separate the two issues if I were you.
post #156 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
this. I do not see this as a reason to pull them out of school. In fact new teacher sounds perfect. I'd try to separate the two issues if I were you.

I agree i wouldn't pull them out just because the old teacher tried to cause problems.
post #157 of 161
I have been worried about all of you and wondering what has happened.
post #158 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattBronsil View Post
I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make. I'm just saying be careful before calling it an act of revenge. If it was, it was horrible an malicious.
If if was the current teacher, sure, but the old teacher with whom they have had many problems and from whose classroom they removed their children...
post #159 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattBronsil View Post

I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make.
I'm just curious how this works. The other day I was carrying a large box into our house and my daughter came around the corner and bumped into it. She said "mom you hit me!". Now obviously, that isn't what literally happened.

She was fine, no marks, it wasn't even close to being hard enough to hurt her or anything. She was laughing, she thought it was funny that we ran into each other. But say she had gotten a mark on her cheek from it, and a teacher asked about it, and she said exactly what she said when it happened ("mom hit me")...do teachers even attempt to qualify a child's statement before calling CPS? Do they ask "with what" or what was happening at the time, was mom angry, or anything like that? Or do those 3 little words and zero background automatically result in a call to CPS?
post #160 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by fadedgirl View Post
I'm just curious how this works. The other day I was carrying a large box into our house and my daughter came around the corner and bumped into it. She said "mom you hit me!". Now obviously, that isn't what literally happened.

She was fine, no marks, it wasn't even close to being hard enough to hurt her or anything. She was laughing, she thought it was funny that we ran into each other. But say she had gotten a mark on her cheek from it, and a teacher asked about it, and she said exactly what she said when it happened ("mom hit me")...do teachers even attempt to qualify a child's statement before calling CPS? Do they ask "with what" or what was happening at the time, was mom angry, or anything like that? Or do those 3 little words and zero background automatically result in a call to CPS?
In Ohio and Kentucky, we had to be trained to look for signs. A mark on the cheek is not reason to call. If that happened, I would look at the mark and see what it looked like. There's usually a difference between running into something and a mark a hand or fist would make.

If it's something small like that, I would record it in my notes and let my supervisor know, but would likely just say, "it looks and sounds like she ran into something" and leave it at that. We wouldn't be likely to suspect abuse from that instance.

The time I had to call was obvious and it was sexual abuse - not physical. I don't think it's right to go into the details on here.

What I'm thinking POSSIBLY could have happened is that the teachers asked the wrong questions. A lot of times, adults might ask yes or no type questions. When you do that with children, you tend to put the idea into their head that what didn't happen did happen. There's a difference between:

"Did your mom hit you?" (Prompting a "yes" or "no" answer) or even worse:
"Is that mark from your mom?" (He would be likely to say "yes" because he remembered you rubbing his face to see what was wrong...not even thinking about you hitting him).

And
"Your face looks red today" and seeing if it goes into an open ended discussion.

CPS likely had to investigate when the call was made. I'm hoping they just found nothing and decided to close the case.
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