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Is there ANY decent music out there for preteens?

post #1 of 71
10/3/08 at 8:36pm
Thread Starter 
My DD1 recently got an MP3 player and gave me a long list of songs she wants for it. Wow. I was shocked at what was on there. Some was fine, I recognized them, but the ones I didn't know I looked up the lyrics for.

OMG.

A sample of some of the lyrics from a few different songs (behind a spoiler because some is graphic):
Warning :: Spoiler Ahead! Highlight to read message!

She's so fine she can't be beat.
(I'll fucking beat her.)

I want Candy. (She's just a loose-pussied ho.)

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see
And lifeless cold into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell

I wanna see what your insides look like (I wanna see what your insides look like)
I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside (Not so pretty)


It goes on and on and on. Either lyrics graphically about sex, or violence, or both. It just disgusts me. I have NO problem with telling her she's not allowed to have this music on her MP3 player.

So please, I'm desperate... I need some 12 year old appropriate music.
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post #2 of 71
10/3/08 at 8:41pm
what about introducing her to classics? beatles, doors, etc?

also i dont know if camp rock is too young for her, but the music in that movie(except for a couple of songs) are really positive and fun and I like them too!
post #3 of 71
10/3/08 at 8:45pm
Thread Starter 
She does like Beatles and Rolling Stones, but is very upset that I have issues with her "favorites". I'll check out Camp Rock. I really feel she needs to be a kid at least a little bit more.
post #4 of 71
10/3/08 at 8:49pm
Wowza, I can see why you wouldn't like those lyrics. Is there a particular genre of music she seems more drawn to?
post #5 of 71
10/3/08 at 8:52pm
also-what about introducing her to others like pink floyd, beastie boys, green day, U2, etc?

there are gobs and gobs of artists out there that do not have to promote violence...what are the specific artists you had issue with? then i can probably think of artists that would be in line with her tastes.

*************

additionally, as long as you teach her well, she should be able to hear a few songs like that without having them influence her in a negative way. have some discussions of why you have a problem with these lyrics, and let her discuss with you why she likes those songs...this seems like a great opportunity to have some great discussions about ethics and beliefs and the line that you both have to walk.
post #6 of 71
10/3/08 at 9:14pm
Thread Starter 
Well then she can hear those songs when shes 18 and not let them influence her then. I'm certainly never going to allow them for a minor. It's just disgusting.

Her favorite group is My Chemical Romance. ~shudder~ They are so horrible.

I've tried getting her interested in Pink Floyd and she can't stand them. ~sighs~ She basically says she hates anything I suggest, but I'm still not giving up.
post #7 of 71
10/3/08 at 9:19pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
Wowza, I can see why you wouldn't like those lyrics. Is there a particular genre of music she seems more drawn to?
She likes whatever the genre is called that My Chemical Romance is in. I call it crap, but I don't think that's the true name for it.
post #8 of 71
10/4/08 at 12:06am
Alternative rock.

Lets see...Simple Plan has some swearing, but their lyrics are over all pretty decent. NickelBack, Bowling For Soup, 3 Doors Down.

I like Lynch Mob, Linkin Park stuff like that...

And there's classics, Led Zepplin, Guns and Roses, Rolling Stones.

I think just having the band names won't help much though. You would need to look up lyrics for each individual song since rock and alternative bands can have some really offensive songs and some not so offensive songs.

Maybe you don't suggest. Maybe you just find a way for her to hear it and decide on her own she likes it.
post #9 of 71
10/4/08 at 12:51am
Thread Starter 
I don't mind some swearing, so that's okay. As long as it's not all talking abuot sex, violence, or a combo of the two. Ugh.

I'll get some songs from those groups and check them out. I like a couple Linken Park, and when I was younger I loved Guns N Roses, Led Zepplin, etc. That's a good idea. Thanks!
post #10 of 71
10/4/08 at 1:14am
I went on a long rant about how anti-feminist the music industry is, etc etc. I figured you didn't want to hear that, but ugh, I sympathize. I hate it when I see my younger sibling's playlists and the music promotes drinking, drugs, violence, and misogyny.

You can check out The Cliks - complicated is about sex, but the rest are pretty tame. A few f-bombs here and there.

Granted, I just have a major major crush on the lead singer.
post #11 of 71
10/4/08 at 1:15am
Kate Perry? DD and her friends like her. Not that bad.

Also, just out of curiosity, what's wrong with My Chemical Romance? I kinda like them. Well, in a I-can-stand-hearing-'em-coming-from-my-daughter's-room way.
post #12 of 71
10/4/08 at 1:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petronella View Post
Kate Perry? DD and her friends like her. Not that bad.

Also, just out of curiosity, what's wrong with My Chemical Romance? I kinda like them. Well, in a I-can-stand-hearing-'em-coming-from-my-daughter's-room way.
Katy Perry? Really?

I kissed a girl is bad enough, what with all the "it's not what good girls do" and such, but she has a song called Ur So Gay. One of the lines? "you're so gay, and you don't even like boys." Ugh. Can we NOT perpetuate using "gay" as an insult?
post #13 of 71
10/4/08 at 2:29am
Amy, for Simple Plan, she might really like the song "I'm just a kid!" All about teenaged angst!
post #14 of 71
10/4/08 at 12:13pm
I think she is going to have an aversion to anything you suggest just because you are her mom that doesn't let her listen to HER music. So before you start suggesting, I think you need to find a different approach to her.

Those are awful lyrics, and no, kids shouldn't be listening to them. The problem is, you can't really control what a child likes or doesn't like. You can certainly forbid it inside the house, but not inside her head. By 15-16 she will listen to it one way or another, and will make a bigger point to sneak it in, in direct proportion to how much it disgusts you.

I'm not trying to say "don't forbid", I'm trying to say... Look at what your goal is?

* If it's NOT to hear the music yourself, then you can simply ask her to only play it on her mp3 player, and never out loud.

* If it's for her not to listen to that music, then it won't work... Well, maybe it will until she is 15, by then you will have to either turn into a controlling parent that will not be able to know what's going on with the kid without spying on her, or accept the fact that she chooses to listen to disgusting songs.

* If it's to make sure she doesn't like those songs and lyrics.. I'm sure you know that won't work just because you don't like them.

Could you look for a compromise? If you could calmly and without judgement discuss with your daughter why you don't like them, and that you are stuck, and want some of her ideas on how to resolve this so that she is happy and you are happy, maybe he two of you could find a solution you both can live with. She might be open to changes if she's involved in bringing them about.

Good Luck either way!
post #15 of 71
10/4/08 at 12:24pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petronella View Post
Kate Perry? DD and her friends like her. Not that bad.

Also, just out of curiosity, what's wrong with My Chemical Romance? I kinda like them. Well, in a I-can-stand-hearing-'em-coming-from-my-daughter's-room way.
Well most of the lyrics I posted in the OP were from My Chemical Romance, and I've read much worse lyrics in their songs that I haven't posted. So that's why I don't like them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
I think she is going to have an aversion to anything you suggest just because you are her mom that doesn't let her listen to HER music. So before you start suggesting, I think you need to find a different approach to her.

Those are awful lyrics, and no, kids shouldn't be listening to them. The problem is, you can't really control what a child likes or doesn't like. You can certainly forbid it inside the house, but not inside her head. By 15-16 she will listen to it one way or another, and will make a bigger point to sneak it in, in direct proportion to how much it disgusts you.

I'm not trying to say "don't forbid", I'm trying to say... Look at what your goal is?

* If it's NOT to hear the music yourself, then you can simply ask her to only play it on her mp3 player, and never out loud.

* If it's for her not to listen to that music, then it won't work... Well, maybe it will until she is 15, by then you will have to either turn into a controlling parent that will not be able to know what's going on with the kid without spying on her, or accept the fact that she chooses to listen to disgusting songs.

* If it's to make sure she doesn't like those songs and lyrics.. I'm sure you know that won't work just because you don't like them.

Could you look for a compromise? If you could calmly and without judgement discuss with your daughter why you don't like them, and that you are stuck, and want some of her ideas on how to resolve this so that she is happy and you are happy, maybe he two of you could find a solution you both can live with. She might be open to changes if she's involved in bringing them about.

Good Luck either way!
DD is way to much of a follower for me to be comfortable with her listening to those songs or any like them. If that means as she gets older I have to become more controlling, so be it. She's just a kid and I fully believe children need a bit of control in their lives. No we don't spank or anything like that, but I won't relinquish control in situation I feel can be dangerous to her, like that music. (And I know control isn't a terribly MDC approved concept, but it is something I do not see as harmful, and in fact can be quite needed.)

But again, as I mentioned, she's a follower. She likes these groups because it's what her friends listen to. But we're also moving in about a month so she'll make new friends. I'm praying her new friends have better taste and then she'll follow them into listening to more positive music. Until them, I want to find enough songs to fill her MP3 player in the hopes of at least distracting her from what she's missing.

Oh, and I have tried to talk to her about what she likes about them, and what I don't, and how to compromise. She says there's nothing wrong with them because they don't talk about suicide. When I mention it takes about sex and violence she says those things aren't a big deal. THAT disturbs me that she thinks those things aren't troubling.
post #16 of 71
10/4/08 at 12:32pm
You could have her read boring musicological research on contemporary pop music. That will suck the fun out of anything.
post #17 of 71
10/4/08 at 12:40pm
Thread Starter 
Sounds like a thrill.

I'm not trying to take her fun away, but she doesn't need fun to come in the form of lyrics about abusing someone, rape, murder, etc.
post #18 of 71
10/4/08 at 4:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
I don't mind some swearing, so that's okay. As long as it's not all talking abuot sex, violence, or a combo of the two. Ugh.

I'll get some songs from those groups and check them out. I like a couple Linken Park, and when I was younger I loved Guns N Roses, Led Zepplin, etc. That's a good idea. Thanks!
Am I the only one who sees how hypocritical this is?

Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
DD is way to much of a follower for me to be comfortable with her listening to those songs or any like them. If that means as she gets older I have to become more controlling, so be it.

...

But again, as I mentioned, she's a follower. She likes these groups because it's what her friends listen to. But we're also moving in about a month so she'll make new friends. I'm praying her new friends have better taste and then she'll follow them into listening to more positive music.
Your complete lack of faith in your daughter is much more disturbing and worrisome to me than any of those lyrics. Do you really think she is that incapable?
post #19 of 71
10/4/08 at 4:12pm
Hmm.... *trying to remember what I listened to when I was 12* Backstreet Boys, NSync, all that boyband crap (now that really IS crap music ) But my parents had long since instilled a taste for classic stuff and stuff going way back from the 50's (Dad used to restore old cars, belonged to a car club, most weekends spent listening to Elvis et al at car cruises) I remember being 10 years old and hearing Simon and Garfunkle's "Scarborough Fair" for the first time....still one of my most memorable musical experiences. Then as I entered high school I got into stuff like Depeche Mode, The Cure, New Order, The Smiths, NIN, Stabbing Westward....boy was I a pleasant happy person back then! Still love the music, though! I was also heavily involved with the orchestra at school and the local youth orchestra, so classical music was also a huge part of my musical library. And one of the most rewarding things about this, I believe, was that it really helped me to distinguish "better taste" in music. I mean, once I heard stuff like Vivaldi's Four Seasons or Mahler's Resurrection Symphony, stuff like the Backstreet Boys seemed really stupid and bland. I dunno, I've kind of listened to everything and still do. Any "graphic" stuff, especially from rap music, was mostly heard at parties or in friends' cars. I never listened to it on my own. I'd say as long as she's listening to more than one kind of music and not stagnating on the local pop stations, she's fine.
post #20 of 71
10/4/08 at 4:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
Am I the only one who sees how hypocritical this is?



Your complete lack of faith in your daughter is much more disturbing and worrisome to me than any of those lyrics. Do you really think she is that incapable?
Um, I don't see it as hypocritical or a lack of faith.

I have two teenage sisters - one is 17, one is 19.

The 17 year old will follow her friends to the end of the earth and back. Dresses, talks, acts, like them, etc. likes the same boys, music, movies.

The 19 year old is the complete opposite. She's a leader in every sense of the word. She sets her own likes and dislikes. She has as many friends, but they are all individuals too!

And my two sisters were obviously raised the same way.

I don't think there's anything wrong with avoiding misogynist, violent music with such a young adolescent. Not when there's so much more out there.

We get flack for not letting our five year old watch Hanna Montana, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, or Camp Rock/High School Musical.

Guess what? I don't care. She's a child. Practically a toddler. I'm not underestimating her abilities - I'm allowing her to enjoy childhood free of influences that I can control (because I'm aware there's some I can't).

Sorry OP, I realize you can defend yourself. This just struck a nerve with me.
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