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It hit me

post #1 of 21
10/4/08 at 10:15am
Thread Starter 
I've been wanting this baby out so badly for weeks- and still 3 more weeks to go. But as of last night as I was going to sleep- it hit me:

I feel terrified.

This will be my second attempt at a natural/no med birth. First birth failed miserably in the hospital. It's at a birth center now though- so it will have to be done, but I suddenly felt a rush of fear run down my spine.

I know I can do this- my mind knows I can- but it just really hit me that- it's real. I really am going to do this naturally unless an emergency occurs where I have to be rushed to the hospital, at which point I have the option of meds which I DON'T want again because of everything that happened.

No advice needed really- just a lot of encouragement and for someone on the green earth besides my husband telling me I can do this.

Everyone else I know is against me, and it kills me- my parents don't think I can and don't want me to try natural, my friends think I'm nuts..."Waterbirth? YOU? Right"

Although I guess that attitude from these people should motivate me to REALLY be determined- and it has until now.

Thanks in advance

-Caitrin
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post #2 of 21
10/4/08 at 10:24am
You can do it! It's what your body was made to do! I think of all of the millions of women who've had babies without meds or intervention-- because our bodies know what to do. Sure there are some situations that warrant intervention, but it's not the norm. Have you looked into reading positive natural birth stories? Or even UC stories for encouragement? I know a couple of people who didn't even push their babies out-- they let their bodies do it! How amazing!!! Not sure I could fight the urge to push, but it's incredible to me that my body can do the work just fine without me pushing. You will be just fine, just remember that this is what your body was made to do and that it knows what it's doing! I find comfort in that Also I saw on a birthing show once that was all about mw's instead of ob births and the one midwife said how birth is supposed to be natural and painful, but it's not supposed to be something we cannot handle-- it's once you restrict movement, not let a laboring mom eat or drink, give meds, etc that the pain goes from natural and managable to unmanagable. I never thought of it like that, but it makes so much sense. You can do it!!
post #3 of 21
10/4/08 at 10:32am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkmb129 View Post
You can do it! It's what your body was made to do! I think of all of the millions of women who've had babies without meds or intervention-- because our bodies know what to do. Sure there are some situations that warrant intervention, but it's not the norm. Have you looked into reading positive natural birth stories? Or even UC stories for encouragement? I know a couple of people who didn't even push their babies out-- they let their bodies do it! How amazing!!! Not sure I could fight the urge to push, but it's incredible to me that my body can do the work just fine without me pushing. You will be just fine, just remember that this is what your body was made to do and that it knows what it's doing! I find comfort in that Also I saw on a birthing show once that was all about mw's instead of ob births and the one midwife said how birth is supposed to be natural and painful, but it's not supposed to be something we cannot handle-- it's once you restrict movement, not let a laboring mom eat or drink, give meds, etc that the pain goes from natural and managable to unmanagable. I never thought of it like that, but it makes so much sense. You can do it!!
Awe thanks mkmb129, that means a lot to me!

Great advice about reading more birth stories- Although I've read a few, I should still read a lot more.

Thanks again for your encouraging words. YES, millions of women have done this- I can too. I know I can. GOT to keep telling myself this.

What to do with family though...ugh. My mother in general. :

Do you know- she actually wants the baby to turn breech so that I'll be tempted to get a c-section??

"That way you'll skip all the pain and won't have to push a huge baby out" she said.

Why can't she just respect my deep wishes for natural childbirth/waterbirth and be done with it?

-Caitrin
post #4 of 21
10/4/08 at 10:42am
Caitrin- Did your mom have natural childbirths? Perhaps she is jealous of your strength and determination. Remember, a lot of naysaying comes from a place of ignorance and competition.

I know what you mean about the reality of what we are about to do striking. This morning, I feel so unready. But, we can and will do what our bodies were made for, and we will push the fear aside. I've been saying it for a while now, but I'm going to rewatch The Business of Being Born again this week, for inspiration and to help prepare my DD for what she might hear and see.

We can do this!
post #5 of 21
10/4/08 at 12:07pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by audsma View Post
Caitrin- Did your mom have natural childbirths? Perhaps she is jealous of your strength and determination. Remember, a lot of naysaying comes from a place of ignorance and competition.

I know what you mean about the reality of what we are about to do striking. This morning, I feel so unready. But, we can and will do what our bodies were made for, and we will push the fear aside. I've been saying it for a while now, but I'm going to rewatch The Business of Being Born again this week, for inspiration and to help prepare my DD for what she might hear and see.

We can do this!
Thank you for your words Kelli.

She had natural with her first 3, last 2 were epidurals. Her view is she hates natural childbirth and thinks interventions and hospitals are the best thing since sliced bread and wishes I had the same viewpoint.

She calls my birth the "worst day of her life" and tried to get an epidural with the next 2 but wasn't vocal enough about it. She calls her last 2 intervention filled births the best births ever and I simply don't share her viewpoint, which she won't accept. :

In fact, her last birth scares the crap out of me to be honest- got the epidural way too early, and my little sister's mouth was so paralized from the epidural that she couldn't move her mouth/nurse for 3 full days (yes, this can happen sometimes!)

Here's the other main thing though- both my parents believe something completely ridiculous- that you can actually DIE from pain. I can't even begin to describe how tired I am of hearing them say, "You could die in that birth center from all that pain and how big the baby is!"

Somebody save me from my family or I'll have to cut them off completely! AH! Just ignoring them is too hard now.

-Caitrin
post #6 of 21
10/4/08 at 12:09pm
Thread Starter 
...But obviously I *do* care what they think because I'm starting to get scared and doubt myself.

Sigh.

Wishing there was an easier way to deal with this...

-Caitrin
post #7 of 21
10/4/08 at 12:21pm
*hugs* to you, Caitrin. How difficult to deal with that! Can you perhaps tell them that you respect their feelings and if that's what works for them, fine. However, you want this, you are determined and you will not be listening to anything else negative about the birth you want. When they bring it up, change the subject. If they continue, get off the phone, away from them, or simply say "I am not going to discuss this right now. How about them Cowboys?" I know sometimes that's simply not something you can do, but try not to let them influence you. We all know you can do it, and you know you can do it. Don't let their ignorance overwhelm your confidence that you can do this. We believe in you!
post #8 of 21
10/4/08 at 12:55pm
I, too, remember hitting a spot with my first birth (but I know it happens sometimes no matter how many babies you have!) where I got really afraid of the pain of labor and wondered if I could do it. When my labor actually came it was so much less "painful" than I was expecting! How strange. My mom was the opposite of yours and was actually very supportive -- all her 3 labors and births were fairly straightforward and she described them as "not that bad."

I think you have to somehow not allow your mother and any other naysayers into your "space" now. You need to create a positive cocoon of only positive thoughts and energy. Fear and negativity can actually impede the start of your labor, too! So, somehow, whether it's avoiding her or straight out telling her that she is not being respectful to your wishes (she's NOT at all, btw!!) and you can't talk to her for the next couple weeks, unless she can be positive.

Then, read lots of good birth stories, watch easy births on you tube, practice visualizing your perfect, gentle, waterbirth, talk to your midwife about your fears, hire a free doula, surround yourself with supportive people. You can absolutely and totally do this, and you can get your mind in a place where you can think of the pain/difficulty as a good thing. Read up on the positives of pain in childbirth -- that always helps me! GL!
post #9 of 21
10/4/08 at 1:30pm
I completely understand. I really do think you can do this. DH is the one that knows you best and if he's on your side and supportive, it'll happen!

My fear is of the unknown. I have NO idea what this is going to be like. Sure, I've been at natural births, done all my research, and finished 12 wk Bradley course but, what is it really like? I'm such a control freak, I'm struggling with the idea of not having control over something or being able to really prepare (like packing for a vacation).

Hang in there mama. Maybe try to keep your focus on what it is that you're actually doing here.....meeting your baby! That's what's been helping me. I've also been reading a lot of birth stories to keep my thoughts positive yet realistic.
post #10 of 21
10/4/08 at 1:40pm
You know what - I started to feel like labor was imminent last night and felt twinges of panic and fear. Both of my births were intense and included moments of self-doubt and fear. I'm still ready to go for it, though. Hey, we're all there with you. All these mama vibes will keep us strong in labor
post #11 of 21
10/4/08 at 2:25pm
You can do this. You have to be determined and you have to be committed, and you are both. I was the complete opposite of you, having never been through labor or given birth before. I think I was very ignorant of what it would actually be like, and was caught off guard when active labor hit hard. In the throes of labor, there were many moments when I thought I was absoutely insane for trying to do this, that I didn't know what the heck I was doing, why would I do this to myself? But honestly, after all is said and done, I did it, I am so proud. So proud of myself, so proud of my baby, and so proud of my husband. It was hard, I will not lie or sugar coat it, but it was totally and completely worth it.

If nothing else, it's worth it to hear the reactions of family and family friends. "She did it naturally? 100%? No drugs at all? Wow. I give her credit."

Good luck, mama. You can do it. Trust yourself and trust your body to get you through it. The end result is so incredibly amazing.
post #12 of 21
10/4/08 at 2:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celticqueen View Post
...But obviously I *do* care what they think because I'm starting to get scared and doubt myself.

Sigh.

Wishing there was an easier way to deal with this...

-Caitrin
Maybe you need to tell your mom that if she cannot be supportive of your choices, then you won't be able to talk to her until after the birth. You need only positive, supportive people surrounding you right now. My IL's can be like that too, but I don't really care what they say so it's a bit different.

You can do this mama! One of the affirmations my friends gave me at my blessing really spoke to me, it says: "The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me." It gives me chills reading it.

FWIW, my first was an attempted natural birth in a hospital, leading to intervention city (pit, narcotic, epidural, vacuum extraction ). Second was a glorious homebirth of my 10 lb 1 oz little boy. Just when I thought I could not handle much more, I was in transition. I would not trade that experience for anything.
post #13 of 21
10/4/08 at 2:49pm
I'm sorry to crash (hi everyone!) but I have to tell you that I have had 2 homebirths and am planning my third and I *still* have my doubts and fears and worries that I can't do it. It doesn't help matters that my mom thinks that because this is my 6th pregnancy and that I had a miscarriage that suddenly there's some reason that it's no longer safe for me to have homebirths. It can be hard to fly in the face of opposition, but honestly if someone had told me long ago that I would give birth to my beautiful 10 lb. son in my mom and dad's kitchen I would have laughed my head off. I had two hospital births prior to my homebirths and had epidurals and the whole slew of interventions and never realized there was anything wrong with it. It wasn't until I found MDC that I even considered that I was strong enough to give birth without drugs or interventions.

Much love to you and wishing you a peaceful birth.
post #14 of 21
10/4/08 at 2:51pm
OT...(Hi Dreams! Glad to see you!)
post #15 of 21
10/4/08 at 5:29pm
I understand. Those feelings are the pits, but I think they are totally normal. Even after having 6 natural homebirths and a good support network I still have occasional moments of fear and doubt in the days before labor. What helps me is to read up on natural childbirth, like my hypnobirthing or bradley book and positive outcome birth stories. Listening to a hypnobirthing relaxation or positive affirmation cd everyday helps a lot too. I also think of all the women who have given birth naturally before me and how it's absolutely the healthiest option for me and baby. No doubt it's extremely hard and sometimes extremely painful, but it's what our bodies are made to do. Just think, this time you'll be surrounded by a better support system with people encouraging you to do what your body was beautifully designed to do. This time you'll be able to be up moving around and will be free to listen to your body and follow your instincts to get into whatever position/space you want/need. That makes a HUGE difference in how well you can cope with the challenge of labor. Hang in there! You can do it!!
post #16 of 21
10/4/08 at 6:35pm
Caitrin- You CAN do it! Remember that fear can CAUSE pain, all by itself! You sadi in the other thread that you'd like to prove everyone and their dog wrong? but maybe that wasn't a good attitude? Whatever attitude reinforces your own strength to you is the right one.

For me, it was, "I am more stubborn than whatever pain might come, I refuse to let fear control me."

And you're absolutely right, you CAN't die from pain, but you CAN die from IGNORANCE! Tell your family you don't want their opinion unless they have something supportive to say.
post #17 of 21
10/4/08 at 7:55pm
I was in the exact same place as you. Last pregnancy I had no support system except for DH, but that was all that I needed. I wanted to prove everyone wrong and thats what kept me going during those contractions! I knew that the outcome would be SOOO worth it and that I was proving to everyone else what I knew myself to be true. We were designed to give birth and we were designed to do it drug free. It's such a beautiful experience!! I know that you can do it and we are all there supporting you!!! Keep on those beads (birth necklace) and focus on all of our powerful energy cheering you on!!!
I can't wait to hear your wonderful story!!!!
post #18 of 21
10/4/08 at 11:33pm
You can do this dear! Remember, no two births are the same. God is in control and you and this baby will be fine. Your family will stop worrying and be fine once it is over and they have a baby to hold. Your husband is your biggest line of support and encouragement, use it. He is the one you need to listen to, well besides us that is. He knows you best and is the other half of the equation, listen to his encouragement and do this together, it will be great. I can't wait to hear about it.
post #19 of 21
10/5/08 at 12:33am
Thread Starter 
Wow everyone- thank you so much for your support and love in my situation!

It's really nice to be able to post here.

You've already made me feel so much better. THANK YOU!!

Sometimes parents can be so- ugggh!- kwim?

-Caitrin
post #20 of 21
10/5/08 at 12:34am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosehillworks View Post
You can do this dear! Remember, no two births are the same. God is in control and you and this baby will be fine. Your family will stop worrying and be fine once it is over and they have a baby to hold. Your husband is your biggest line of support and encouragement, use it. He is the one you need to listen to, well besides us that is. He knows you best and is the other half of the equation, listen to his encouragement and do this together, it will be great. I can't wait to hear about it.
Thank you so much rosehillworks- you're so right

-Caitrin