when i think of the homebirthing dad's, it just makes me tear up. there is something so special about it, i can't even put my finger on it. In hospital's (and btw, we've had 2 hospital births, 1 HB and will be HBing our 4th child in about 5 weeks) the poor dad's seem to get sidelined a lot, and it's just "accepted" as something that is "normal" and expected. But in normal births, it isn't normal at all. It's invasive and flat out disrespectful. My heart goes out to these dad's, they are sacrificing so much and have no idea what is being taken from them.
that being said, i will talk about my husband's experiences (i wish he was ablogger, but he isn't. I tend to be the long winded writer of the family lol) At my first birth dh was thrown (literally, whap! like across the room thrown at him) scrubs by a nervous oncall doc that told him to be "ready" for the OR in under 30 mins. he had me shaved down. I was weeping because i was so scared and had no idea what was going on. DH felt helpless. absolutely helpless. later, my real OB came in and kicked the oncall guy out (who apparantly had a high c-section rate, was new out of school, ad didn't trust birth one percent) we went on to birth our baby normally and perfectly healthy...but that experience was tramatic for us. dh felt responsible somehow...like it was his fault we were pregnant, his fault i was tramatized, his fault the oncall doc was so harsh.
for dd#2 we were at the same OB again (oncall doc had mysteriously been transferred to a different hosp at this point) and dh was very interested in helping to catch his own child. A person that he worked with told a beautiful story of how the OB cupped his hands around the dads hands and let dad catch his own baby....dh hungered for that, but was laughed in his face when he asked the OB if that was okay. it was humiliating. it was degrading. went on to have her the same as her sister, your typical run of the mill hospital birth with alot of what we thought were "needed" interventions and dh toestepping around the staff, trying to stay involved, yet also "out of the way".
with child #3 we opted for a homebirth. DH was understandbly nervous, we had been conditioned to beleive we "needed" all these machines to push a baby out. unprograming our brains was a challenge, but we both knew there was more to birth than what we'd been given in the past. we both hungered for more.
our homebirth was so beautiful. DH was finally able to be a front line participant in the whole labor AND birth. He was in the tub with me when i pushed ds out, and DH caught him and guided him tot he surface for his first breaths of air. there was no suctioning. no slapping a cap on his head. no weighing or pricking or rubbing baby down....just the two of us holding our first son, making eye contact, meeting and greeting eachother respectfully and easily. the world stopped, for a few seconds...and everything that had been taken from us, every way we had been degraded, insulted, and not taken seriously was gone....it was a healing birth. in those few seconds alone it was all given back. there were no nurses waiting to take his son away from him. There was no isolete to put baby in to force a barrier inbetween him and his son. ("isolette's ARE isolating!!!) his bonding was immediate to the child. He cried when ds was born...i had no idea until i saw the pictures later. (and i can link you to my whole birthstory so you can see the pictures yourself) it was amazing. he was changed. his confidence was restored. he COULD be an active participant in HIS birth too. he was never sidelined. he could catch his own child. it was actually difficult for him to not blab all about homebirthing to anyone and everyone who cooed at the child in the following months, and many times when we would talk of it and people give that first "horrified" look you coudl watch dh's countenance fall....not because he wouldn't have a chance to tell his story, but because people just don't realize what they sacrifice with birth, and it saddens dh. these people could have so much more.
we are both so excited for this next baby's birth. we have the same midwife and a birthpool and hopes to do it the same...but even more beautiful. because this time we have the confidence that this IS how it is supposed to be. our eyes have been opened. the fears are gone. the brainwashing a non-issue. it is so right...there is no going back to the hospital, for either of us.
here is the link to our birthstory with our son, our first home-water birth. it has pictures at the end.
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/tinytoes/565746
there is also a very interesting documentary coming out regarding dads and homebirth vrs hospital birth. it is called "the other side of the glass" and looks specifically at the differences of hospital births on the dads, how it effects them, emotionally, mentally...etc. have you heard of it yet? here is the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVf4rzam0Xo
looks very interesting, although i think they did kind of weird editing job on the trailer itself...almost hard to follow with all the breaks.
that being said, i will talk about my husband's experiences (i wish he was ablogger, but he isn't. I tend to be the long winded writer of the family lol) At my first birth dh was thrown (literally, whap! like across the room thrown at him) scrubs by a nervous oncall doc that told him to be "ready" for the OR in under 30 mins. he had me shaved down. I was weeping because i was so scared and had no idea what was going on. DH felt helpless. absolutely helpless. later, my real OB came in and kicked the oncall guy out (who apparantly had a high c-section rate, was new out of school, ad didn't trust birth one percent) we went on to birth our baby normally and perfectly healthy...but that experience was tramatic for us. dh felt responsible somehow...like it was his fault we were pregnant, his fault i was tramatized, his fault the oncall doc was so harsh.
for dd#2 we were at the same OB again (oncall doc had mysteriously been transferred to a different hosp at this point) and dh was very interested in helping to catch his own child. A person that he worked with told a beautiful story of how the OB cupped his hands around the dads hands and let dad catch his own baby....dh hungered for that, but was laughed in his face when he asked the OB if that was okay. it was humiliating. it was degrading. went on to have her the same as her sister, your typical run of the mill hospital birth with alot of what we thought were "needed" interventions and dh toestepping around the staff, trying to stay involved, yet also "out of the way".
with child #3 we opted for a homebirth. DH was understandbly nervous, we had been conditioned to beleive we "needed" all these machines to push a baby out. unprograming our brains was a challenge, but we both knew there was more to birth than what we'd been given in the past. we both hungered for more.
our homebirth was so beautiful. DH was finally able to be a front line participant in the whole labor AND birth. He was in the tub with me when i pushed ds out, and DH caught him and guided him tot he surface for his first breaths of air. there was no suctioning. no slapping a cap on his head. no weighing or pricking or rubbing baby down....just the two of us holding our first son, making eye contact, meeting and greeting eachother respectfully and easily. the world stopped, for a few seconds...and everything that had been taken from us, every way we had been degraded, insulted, and not taken seriously was gone....it was a healing birth. in those few seconds alone it was all given back. there were no nurses waiting to take his son away from him. There was no isolete to put baby in to force a barrier inbetween him and his son. ("isolette's ARE isolating!!!) his bonding was immediate to the child. He cried when ds was born...i had no idea until i saw the pictures later. (and i can link you to my whole birthstory so you can see the pictures yourself) it was amazing. he was changed. his confidence was restored. he COULD be an active participant in HIS birth too. he was never sidelined. he could catch his own child. it was actually difficult for him to not blab all about homebirthing to anyone and everyone who cooed at the child in the following months, and many times when we would talk of it and people give that first "horrified" look you coudl watch dh's countenance fall....not because he wouldn't have a chance to tell his story, but because people just don't realize what they sacrifice with birth, and it saddens dh. these people could have so much more.
we are both so excited for this next baby's birth. we have the same midwife and a birthpool and hopes to do it the same...but even more beautiful. because this time we have the confidence that this IS how it is supposed to be. our eyes have been opened. the fears are gone. the brainwashing a non-issue. it is so right...there is no going back to the hospital, for either of us.
here is the link to our birthstory with our son, our first home-water birth. it has pictures at the end.
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/tinytoes/565746
there is also a very interesting documentary coming out regarding dads and homebirth vrs hospital birth. it is called "the other side of the glass" and looks specifically at the differences of hospital births on the dads, how it effects them, emotionally, mentally...etc. have you heard of it yet? here is the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVf4rzam0Xo
looks very interesting, although i think they did kind of weird editing job on the trailer itself...almost hard to follow with all the breaks.
