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I think my 4yo was sexually abused UPDATE - Page 6

post #101 of 163
10/12/08 at 10:44pm
to you. I am so sad for your sweet daughter and for your entire family. You are my hero for handling this so well... you need to be calm and strong for her. And I can't really say much about the UA... except how dare he! And how dare his wife to see it happen and do nothing! That is wrong. Period.

Beth

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post #102 of 163
10/12/08 at 10:56pm
you are an amazing mother. i send you all my love and hope and prayers.
post #103 of 163
10/12/08 at 11:49pm
You are wonderful parents for listening to your daughter so carefully. You are heroes. You are protecting so many children by exposing this as*h*le! Not only do you protect your daughter, but also the poor little ones who have been living with a child molester. You protect all of our children, who will never chance a play date with this family. Thank you!
post #104 of 163
10/13/08 at 3:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
I am so glad you called the police. You did exactly what you needed to do! You *are* protecting your daughter, by responding and believing and helping her through this, and I am really sorry this happened to your precious baby girl.
I just wanted to reiterate this. You are being such a strong and wonderful mama to your precious daughter.

I hope you find a home that feels safe soon.
post #105 of 163
10/13/08 at 11:45am
post #106 of 163
10/13/08 at 1:07pm
My heart is just breaking for you DD and family. You are being an amazingly strong woman through all of this. You are all in my thoughts. I wish I had more constructive things to say.
post #107 of 163
10/13/08 at 3:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breeder View Post
this predator and his enabling wife
It might be beside the point, but the reality of his enabling wife... bothers me so much. How can that happen to a mother? It's profoundly sad. The abuser has destroyed something in her. She is at fault, yet is such a victim too.

This man is a monster.
post #108 of 163
10/13/08 at 4:31pm
Im sat here in tears after reading this thread. I dont know i could stay as calm as you. you're handling this so well.
((((hugs)))) to you and your lo.
post #109 of 163
10/13/08 at 4:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by aileen View Post
mama, she IS above this. and mama, YOU are above this.
you are saving her.
you are a hero, mama, and my heart is bursting with love that you are championing the cause of your daughter's glorious innocence. you are proving to her that she is truly, wholly, valuable and that she will always be above and is no longer in, that terrible moment.
i tearfully commend you.

and i'm so so sorry that this happened.
:
post #110 of 163
10/13/08 at 5:44pm
You are doing everything you can right now to validate her, protect her, listen to her and respond to her. I'm so sorry this happened to your family, but you seem so strong, loving and level-headed. I know you will all get through this.
post #111 of 163
10/13/08 at 5:55pm
Just another for you. I do hope your little girl can get through this and that you can, too!
post #112 of 163
10/13/08 at 9:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
Are you willing to name the family in question? I live near you and would like to know, if they are still in Maryland. A PM if not openly?

My husband lives in White Marsh. I am curious to know, too, where you are, mysticmomma, but the crux of it all is that there are perps in any city or town who prey on our children and yet act like they are family friends. They are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Bless you and your family, mm. It took a lot of strength for your daughter to speak up and for you to stand by her.
post #113 of 163
10/14/08 at 1:13am
I just wanted you to know that I also think you're doing the right thing; and that I agree with pretty much everyone who posted before me. I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said, but I want you to know that you can count me in for supporters. I'm following this thread, please keep us updated and let us support you emotionally (and your husband if he's reading), so you can support your baby girl.


post #114 of 163
10/15/08 at 12:20am

You are a wonderful, strong mama. You are doing the right thing, and your daughter will be alright. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
post #115 of 163
10/15/08 at 12:37am
I am not in this part of the forum yet but I saw it and I couldn't help but give you a hug. My prayers to your family, especially your child.
post #116 of 163
10/15/08 at 1:21am
((Hugs)) to you and your family, especially dd.

---
Can someone point me (and others) in the directon of resources in how to have this kind of a safety talk. I'm really impressed with the calm you kept in the situation, especially considering you went through abuse, and the thought that went into how you would educate your children and communicate with them.

I'd like to learn more about this.... obviously this thread is for support for you, but I'd be grateful if there was another thread about that, or one already started, or another resource (website or group)....

And again.... ((Hugs)) and I'lll be thinking of your family.

Jessica

Oh wait, i see someone asked a similar question.... "the safety talk" here http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=983059
I've had a few threads open and been reading for a while, so I missed it earlier.
post #117 of 163
10/15/08 at 11:33am
Thread Starter 

The safety talk

If you haven't yet read "the gift of fear" and "protecting the gift" do so now!

When bella was younger, we started with the body talk. Who can touch her, if she says NO someone has to stop and if they don't tell mommy and she'll take care of it. Respecting other peoples bodies, personal space, etc.

Then we talked about who she should seek out if she gets lost from us (another lady, never a man... woman with kids, etc.)

Then we talked about her safe people. All of these people are women. Yes, you are safe with men, but we always name women in terms of who to tell stuff to or who to go to if you are being hurt.

We really did not focus on stranger danger at all because statistically it's rarely a stranger. We do focus on selecting strangers and why she chose them. We also talk about people she doesn't feel comfortable around and how that's a hint from God, her body, whatever that she shouldn't go near that person.

We also talked about secrets vs surprises. If anyone tells her it's a secret and she can't tell mommy or daddy, then she HAS to tell. Especially if someone is doing something they shouldn't.

We also talk alot about telling the truth and how she might get "in trouble" if she tells the truth about something she did wrong, but she will ALWAYS get "in trouble" if she lies.

We recently moved onto the "stranger" stuff with the lost puppy and candy scenarios because she is such a sympathetic person with a great desire to help people.

Partly, I am focusing on situations I was in and didn't have information for, and situations I was in and DID have info for. I don't ever want her to encounter a situation or person she doesn't have the tools for. Sure it will happen anyway, but I use that as my jumping off point.
post #118 of 163
10/15/08 at 4:04pm
How are you and your husband holding up Trisha? Have they interviewed the man yet? Have you found a new place? Do you need anything?


post #119 of 163
10/15/08 at 9:33pm
Thread Starter 
We are ok. The trip to the beach did wonders. We found a new place and move this weekend. I am calling tomorrow to find out if contact has been made with the other family.
post #120 of 163
10/16/08 at 1:38am
Pre-post edit: I'm having a hard time finding the right words here. Nothing seems to match the strong feelings of rage I have towards this person; or the deep sadness I feel for your daughter. So, if my post feels funny, that's why.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
...We found a new place and move this weekend...
Oh good. I'm glad you're able to do this quickly for your daughter. I hope she can begin to recover in her new home; and feel secure again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
...I am calling tomorrow to find out if contact has been made with the other family.

I really hope they find them and bring them in immediately. I just don't get what's going to happen. Like, "did you do it?"..."no"..."ok, you're free to go"...? Does it become the word of a four year old, vs his word? How are they going to figure this out?? I hope I'm not stressing you out by wondering out loud, I'm just so over this. I hate people who victimize children* ...hate them.


*I should probably say "allegedly", but I feel that it gives off that your daughter might be making it up; and I don't feel that's fair to her.
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Parenting › Ages and Stages › The Childhood Years › I think my 4yo was sexually abused UPDATE