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I think my 4yo was sexually abused UPDATE - Page 2

post #21 of 163
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post


I'm so sorry to hear about this.

Do you guys have a ped right now who could refer you to someone? I know our neighbor saw a counselor nearby when they had similar issues. I could get that number if you want.

Call me if you need to talk.
PM me the number. I called our old HCP and am waiting on a call back monday when they get to the office with names and numbers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frostysarah View Post
You've gotten some good advice. Talk to a doctor and get a referral, both to help you and your daughter work through this and to get the story straight. Also ask if your doctor would recommend a physical exam.

I am so so very sorry this happened.
I doubt a physical exam would be helpful at this point. As far as I can tell, no one touched her, and this man moved out in July. I guess with the previous posters comment about mixing up cousin and dad or whatever may change my mind. It may have been someone else, right?
post #22 of 163
When I read this I felt sick to my stomach and so sorry for your DD and your family. She needs to go to counseling ASAP.

This family needs to be found and charges need to be pressed on the person who did this.

You are being much more calm than I would, I would be dangerously upset(I don't even know what my DH would be like).
post #23 of 163
I think a doctors visit would still be in order. If she was in contact with fluids, then she way need to be tested. I feel so horrible to even have to be typing this. I am so sorry.
post #24 of 163
Thread Starter 
After reading the replies here, I went to my dads house to use the phone and call our old HCP. We've been uninsured for a while since DH got laid off in march. We've been seeing them as cash patients, but got state assistance and they don't accept the plans. We have a new HCP, but haven't seen them and I dont' know them. Anyway, the NP on call has seen bella and I, so I was grateful it was someone that knew us. She listened to me and asked a few questions, and said to see a child psychologist next. When I said, I dont' want to freak out and go on the attack to any one person because we don't know if it's true. She said, Trisha... you don't know that it isn't true. IT's wierd because a little while ago, I was wondering if someone could be doing something to her, and he NEVER crossed my radar. DH and I have both read the gift of fear and protecting the gift. I'm dying inside but somehow holding myself together on the outside. I was abused by a family member, a friend of my parents and countless boyfriends inclluding date rape. I have prayed she would be above this, that I would be able to save her from this.
post #25 of 163
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
Having been abused myself, I am near vomitting and collapse about this. I am remaining very calm and matter of fact to her, but inside I am dying. How do I figure this out. What is my next step?
First: . That's it. Lots and lots of because this is waaay not cool.

Next: Therapy. For both of you. Stop questioning her, just get her to therapy and let the therapist handle it.
post #26 of 163
s
post #27 of 163
Definitely stop questioning her. If you are able to press charges, you don't want to "contaminate" her story. Leave it up to the professionals now.

post #28 of 163
Yes; don't bring it up again until you get her linked up with a therapist. I hope you and your family sort this out quickly and get her the help she needs.
post #29 of 163
if your child isn't prone to just getting naked with strangers perhaps it was the little boy who coaxed her to undress, which leads me to beleive that the son was also being abused. Little abused kids often act out on other kids because they don't know what is right and wrong.
If it was a one time offense - then I wouldn't make a big deal to you daughter about it. I know that sounds crazy, but often times little kids don't know the difference between bathing together or anything sexual...it's all just nakedness.
I would talk to her doctor (out of earshot of DD). My dear friend was a rape counselor for children and women and said that children heal (physically) from abuse VERY fast that if this incident happened back in July there would be no physical signs.And continue to go over the rules about what do do when a stranger does that...(like you did the night you found out about all this).
I would DEFINITLY let authorities know about this and CHILD services, they may want to pay a visit to this family if it was the father doing the molesting.
I AM SOO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOUR DAUGHTER. My prayers go out to her little soul.
post #30 of 163
I just couldn't read and not .
post #31 of 163
I'm so sorry, mama. My heart is aching for you and your LO. Please get her some professional help, soon, from a provider who is experienced with these types of cases. They should be able to advise you on the best course of action, legal and otherwise.
post #32 of 163
I'm so very sorry that your daughter has gone through that. I hope you get some answers and therapy for your family.

post #33 of 163
Thread Starter 
We have stopped talking about it. I'm grateful to the consensus here though. It makes my decisions that much easier.
post #34 of 163
post #35 of 163
How is DH handling all this?
post #36 of 163
Oh my gosh mama, please contact her ped or a rape/abuse councelor asap!!! So many s to you and your dd. I hope that you can get this figured out as soon as possible and get this guy arrested!!!!
post #37 of 163
No advice to add. You sound like an amazing mama and are handling things very well in a terrifying situation. Your DD and your family are in my thoughts & prayers right now.
post #38 of 163
also keep an eye out for her dreams. if she tells you. snakes in dreams is a big indication of sexual abuse.

i am lost for words. i dont know what to say except that i am v. v. sorry. i was raped as a 5 year old and that in any form happening to my dd is my biggest nightmare.

in a sad way your past experience will help you really be able to support your dd, like you did when u stopped ur dh make a big deal out of it.

i sure hope you get the help you need. to me him chasing her and saying he will kill her (even 5 paces fast walking towards her she would probably see as chasing) is as worse as the crime itself.

i hope all of you can heal from this and both you and your husband are able to forgive yourself and not carry the guilt for the rest of your life.

yeah i have this conversation once in a while with my dd too.
post #39 of 163
It's hard not to think of the worst case scenario.

Maybe it was the nake incident she is recalling. Maybe it was the 4 y/o pal that put his "penis in her face". ??

Maybe it was the adult. ??

You may never find out.

I've had my own personal history with this subject and let me just say no matter what in life don't ever leave her alone with a male or a couple that you aren't sure about or even a male family member or neighbor that is a few years older. There are people that are so desperate to get a fix or hormonal 13 year olds or 16 year olds left alone with cute little girls thinking they can get something from that.

As much as it is appalling to all of us, it happens all of the time!

Most of our criminal sex offenders are those that are in the same family or are close family friends/neighbors and not the strangers we fear.

Keep that in mind always.

You'll have to probably find a way to let this go. You may never know the truth and you don't want to blame an adult man when it could have been the 4 y/o son and a combination of other incidents she is combining to make up this story.

The only thing I can suggest is to play a picture game with her. Spread out pictures of family, neighbors, strangers, little boys, the 4 y/o playmate and the adult in question. Then ask her to point to the one that stuck his long, long penis in her face.

You could also call in a police detective to talk to about this and do the picture game in front of. I'd document everything but if you can't determine for sure who it was and what the real story was, you might just have to let this go for your own peace of mind and so as not to further traumatize her.

I'm so sorry any of you had to endure this.

Best of luck!
post #40 of 163
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnykbird View Post
if your child isn't prone to just getting naked with strangers perhaps it was the little boy who coaxed her to undress, which leads me to beleive that the son was also being abused. Little abused kids often act out on other kids because they don't know what is right and wrong.
I was thinking the exact same thing. I'm wondering if the son is in danger. Has anyone contacted this man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma
IT's wierd because a little while ago, I was wondering if someone could be doing something to her, and he NEVER crossed my radar.
My mother said the same thing about the man who molested/raped me. Unfortunately, there's just sometimes no way to tell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma
I have prayed she would be above this, that I would be able to save her from this.
Being a victim too, this is something I have prayed about for my daughter - that she wouldn't have to go through the same thing I did. Please do not feel that it is in any way your fault or that you should have been able to save her. It is no more your fault than it is hers.

I am beyond sorry for you and her, my heart is breaking for you both.
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