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I think my 4yo was sexually abused UPDATE - Page 3

post #41 of 163
I just wanted to send .
post #42 of 163
post #43 of 163


It shouldn't be down to you to save her from anything. IF any abuse took place, that was wrong- and it was the act of an adult who chose that course of action. He, not you, was to blame. This is not your fault, and in talking openly about good touch/bad touch, you have gone a long way to protect your daughter already.
The only other things I can add are to make sure she has access to pencils/crayons and paper at all times, and maybe for you to try some stream-of-consciousness journalling for you to express your own emotions until you get into therapy? Keep talking to your husband though- don't let this tear your family apart.
post #44 of 163
I am so sorry.
post #45 of 163


It's heartbreaking to have to even contemplate this.

I would have your dd seen by a professional ASAP. You don't want to keep asking her questions (I think you did fine with the ones that you asked, but now I'd stop unless she brings up the subject), because you don't want to plant ideas in her head or confuse her. A good professional should be able to help her with that.

I also think that counseling for you would be good - parents have very different things to process about this and it really helps to have someone to talk to. Especially since you were abused as a child. That's more than one person can process all by yourself.

You are a good mother. You're not trying to tell her it didn't happen. You've called your doctor. You're seeking out help. This isn't your fault.
post #46 of 163
post #47 of 163
In many areas there are places that deal specifically with interviewing children who have been sexually abused. I would call a local mental health agency for some referrals and possible counseling.
post #48 of 163


I have been haunted since I read about your daughter. Perhaps because of her age and how you dealt with it she isn't as traumatized as we all are after hearing about what happened to her and she will be able to move on just fine. I admire the matter of fact way you dealt with drawing it out of her. You definately showed grace under fire. I wish I knew what help you need or advice I could give you. All I have is my whole heart breaking for you and your daughter. I will pray that you are guided and directed wisely so that your family can get good healthy closure from this. I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child. I never told anyone until I was 13 and by that time it was too late to do anything in the form of getting justice. I have to believe that people who harm children in such heinous ways get their due, even if I never benefit from seeing it come to them. Bless you and your baby girl as you mend through this.

We had reason to believe my daughter was molested when she was 2. I had a weird feeling one time when we were at my in laws about where she and her sister were playing with their 13 yr old uncle. They were playing hide and seek in a bedroom. One of my daughters was walking around but the other was hiding behind pillows with him. I felt awful for being so suspicious but even in spite of complete clothing I couldn't let it go. As we were leaving my daughter was scratching her private parts and saying they itched. I asked her why and she said it was because uncle poked her. I didn't know what to do so I waited until we were in the car to mention it to my hubby. He was outraged. We told his brother and parents that we were going to get her checked out and if anything was at all wrong we would blow the thing completely to pieces. He swore to his innocence, I'll never believe he didn't at least look at her and check things out (whether or not it was curiosity, I don't care). The doctor didn't find anything incriminating, he said she was red and irritated with a rash (maybe due to a skin allergy to dogs- they had 2 she was really allergic to). We were never able to prove anything and I always wished we could have. MIL was livid that we even could think anything like that (she blamed me for a long time).

I hope you will get to the bottom of things for the sake of your heart.
post #49 of 163
I just wanted to add that it is not just girls that we all need to think about with sexual abuse. It happens to boys often as well . Watch to protect your boys closely too...
post #50 of 163
i am so sorry you are going through this.

hugs
post #51 of 163
post #52 of 163
oh mama i have no idea what your next step should be. i just want to offer love and supprt to you and your family. ill be thinking of you and sending blessings.
post #53 of 163
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrustingOurBodies View Post
It's hard not to think of the worst case scenario.

Maybe it was the nake incident she is recalling. Maybe it was the 4 y/o pal that put his "penis in her face". ??

Maybe it was the adult. ??

You may never find out.

You'll have to probably find a way to let this go. You may never know the truth and you don't want to blame an adult man when it could have been the 4 y/o son and a combination of other incidents she is combining to make up this story.

The only thing I can suggest is to play a picture game with her. Spread out pictures of family, neighbors, strangers, little boys, the 4 y/o playmate and the adult in question. Then ask her to point to the one that stuck his long, long penis in her face.

You could also call in a police detective to talk to about this and do the picture game in front of. I'd document everything but if you can't determine for sure who it was and what the real story was, you might just have to let this go for your own peace of mind and so as not to further traumatize her.
Obviously there is a VERY serious difference between the genitals the 4 yo described, and the genitals of her little 4yo friend. I dont feel like there could have been any confusion. I feel like if the 4 year old had done it, she would not have been afraid but just grossed out and annoyed with him. She obviously felt fear. My heart is breaking for your sweet little girl. I could not endure this as her mommy. You are very strong.

I think it is pretty normal for your daughter to have gotten naked with the other 4 year old boy. I dont feel like that is a signal that he or she has been abused (although by the sounds of things, they still might have)
post #54 of 163
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrustingOurBodies View Post

The only thing I can suggest is to play a picture game with her. Spread out pictures of family, neighbors, strangers, little boys, the 4 y/o playmate and the adult in question. Then ask her to point to the one that stuck his long, long penis in her face.
Just in case everyone else didn't know already, this is a very VERY VERY bad idea. :
post #55 of 163


And, WoW! You held it together when she was describing what happened.

Her fear and her accurate descriptions are evidence enough that abuse has taken place.

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

post #56 of 163
I am so glad you have stopped asking her about it. Yes, you need to not contaminate her story. If she talks to you about it, listen supportively but don't ask questions. Next step is to call not the doctor, but the police. Doctor would be second step. The police most likely will be able to set you up with a victim advocate who can help you *then* get connected with the right resources in the right order. There may be a special medical and therapeutic facility in your area to deal with child sexual abuse situations.

Again:
1. Don't ask any more questions, as you have already begun.
2. Call the police.

As a foster mom who cares for kids who have been abused, I want to just tell you that you did *marvelously* in listening to your daughter in a calm manner. I am soooooo glad she told you. The average offender offends 60 times before ever being caught. So many children suffer in silence, but your daughter has made it possible for you to help her heal. (And help make sure the offender is not able to do this to other kids.)
post #57 of 163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
I am so glad you have stopped asking her about it. Yes, you need to not contaminate her story. If she talks to you about it, listen supportively but don't ask questions. Next step is to call not the doctor, but the police. Doctor would be second step. The police most likely will be able to set you up with a victim advocate who can help you *then* get connected with the right resources in the right order. There may be a special medical and therapeutic facility in your area to deal with child sexual abuse situations.

Again:
1. Don't ask any more questions, as you have already begun.
2. Call the police.

As a foster mom who cares for kids who have been abused, I want to just tell you that you did *marvelously* in listening to your daughter in a calm manner. I am soooooo glad she told you. The average offender offends 60 times before ever being caught. So many children suffer in silence, but your daughter has made it possible for you to help her heal. (And help make sure the offender is not able to do this to other kids.)
I second this.....Please please please dont ask her any more questions and call the police....they will take the next step. This is haunting me....I have an almost 4 year girl myself and the idea of anything happening.....Even if you are doubting who exactly commited this sick crime, please make the call. Our children rely on us to protect them. The police will sort out who is responsible for this. My thoughts and prayers are with your family and especially your dd.

Veronica
post #58 of 163
Please don't go asking to many questions or playing the picture game!! If you research up Day care sex abuse in the 80's and 90's many innoccent people went through hell because bad techinique.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_car...abuse_hysteria


Do I believe something happen. Yes, but also I believe that we can lead our children into answers our kids think we want to hear (especially at that age). There is enough evidence that small children can make up false claims if lead into that directions by questions/ing.... I am not saying this is the case here but I do accept that small kids can fabricate stories if questioned wrongly or not at all. It has happen before in good touch/bad touch conversation that "abuse" is revealed that it isn't quite reality "he touched my bottom" could be he touched my bottom to put on medicine. Which isn't the case here but in the big picture of things is why we have to be careful not to underreact or overreact. I think OP did great and know needs to get outside help. Plus by getting outside help she can hopefully have creditable evidence to prosicute. By playing slueth on her own she can invalidate evidence even if it is true and accurate.
post #59 of 163
I feel very sick to my stomach after reading your post. I am SO VERY sorry your sweet baby has gone through this ugliness. She will need lots of support and counseling to help work through everything and start to find healing - both now and perhaps ongoing as she ages. I really hope this disgusting excuse for a human being is brought to justice and that your entire family can find a place of safety and peace again. Lots of hugs to all of you, especially your little girl.
post #60 of 163
My heart aches for you and your family. You are doing a wonderful job so far.

Lots of *hugs*. As a survivor, abuse happening to my kids is my worst nightmare.
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