Wanting Another Birth, But Not Baby?

[ColwynsMommy]

So, this is probably going to sound pretty weird.

Is there anyone out there that really loved giving birth, and would just LOVE to do it again.. but isn't planning on having any more kids? How do you deal with that?

I finally worked up the courage to have a homebirth with my third, and it was fantastic. I would be thrilled to be able to do it again, but we're not planning on having any more biological children. We are planning on adopting at some point within the next 3-4 years, but the cost is a huge factor for us. I've found myself trying to convince myself that we shouldn't adopt, that we should have another bio kid.. but I don't know whether this is more to do with the money issue or with me just wanting to give birth again. I'm not really a baby person, so it's not like I have some huge desire to have another infant. I've thought off and on that maybe I could be a surrogate, but what are the chances that they'd agree to me homebirthing? Plus there's the whole thing of having to hand over the baby afterwards.

So, does anyone else feel like this?

[**Cat**]

I can imagine someone out there would want to do a surrogate homebirth!

I have no desire to ever be pregnant again but I think it's awesome if you want to carry a baby for someone.

[TzippityDoulah]

haha I've totally felt like that before! partly why I became a doula.

[Belle]

I feel the same way. I don't want any more children, but I want to give birth again. I looked into a surrogacy agency and they were everything that I didn't want in a birth. Very medical in everything that they do. I don't think they'd be supportive of a hb.

[UrbanCrunchyMama]

My feelings weren't exactly the same as yours but similar. Immediately after giving birth to our daughter, I wanted to give birth again. For a while, I was on the fence about having another child, wanting the birth more than the resulting infant.

It's been almost 3 years now, and DH and I have decided to have another one day, but I'm just not ready yet (despite my excitement around giving birth again). I tell ya, I am gonna to drink this next pregnancy up and just bathe in the glow of it all.

Yes, I did enjoy birth this much. And I'm sure I'd enjoy it even more giving birth at home instead of a hospital (where I expended too much energy on protecting us).

[mama to 2 girls]

I am so glad I found this thread! I was thinking about posting a similar thread but didn't in fear of sounding like a crazy person! We took permanent measures to be sure we don't have anymore and now I REALLY regret it. But it was the right thing to do for us.

DS was born on July 11th and dh had a V when he was 2 weeks old. Dh does NOT want anymore...ds was our 2nd surprise baby. So I went along with it because I didn't want it to cause problems with our relationship because I knew I would get to where I would start wanting another and we would eventually have another oops. But I am SOOOO depressed this last week. I have had a REALLY crazy cycle I am on CD 38 and have had really weird spotting and even though I know it's from EBF I actually took 2 p/g tests that I had left over from a year ago, of course they were both BFN. DH had his sperm count checked last week and they didn't find anything (I was secretly hoping that the V was unsuccessful) but we did DTD unprotected a few times since he had it done so I was grasping at straws so to speak because I knew there was a chance he still had some left over "swimmers".

I hate HORMONES!! I know I would be devestated if I were to get pg right now because then more than likely my milk would dry up and ds would have to be FF. But somewhere deep down inside I wanted to see that line appear.

Well, I could just go on and on, so I better stop just wanted to let you know I feel the same way!

[mytwogirls]

Oh oh pick me, pick me!!!!! YES!!!! In fact, during my pregnancy with my second daughter I was asked by my SIL to be a surrogate because they were having fertility problems (she had fibroids REALLY badly and had a hysterectomy) and I agreed once I had my baby and things were going smoothly. I was excited because I LOVE being pregnant and giving birth. However, after the delivery of my daughter, I almost bled to death from placenta accreta and I too had to have a hysterectomy It was a heart breaker for the whole family. But, I still have dreams of being pregnant and having babies. Kinda sucks.

[kltroy]

Oh yes me too! I'm really not sure whether we want a third, but my VBAC birth was so great, I really think it would be sad not to ever give birth again...

[abomgardner417]

Yes and yes and yes! Despite bedrest and other complications with twins, I would love, love, love to be pregnant again. Especially if it was a singleton so I could experience a "normal" pregnancy. And I love babies. I just don't know if I want more kids though. I sometimes wonder if I want another baby so that I can do all the AP things that I didn't know about when I had the boys. I want to bf and sling and co-sleep so badly but by the time I learned about all that it was too late to do it w/ the boys. But I don't want to bring another child into the world just to try new things out on it, ykwim? My relationship w/ dh is rocky now too so I really don't want to bring a child into a family that may break up one day.

How do I deal w/ it? I don't really. I think about it constantly and in nearly every dream I've had since the boys were born I am pregnant - usually w/ twins. I go back and forth at least a couple times a day trying to decide whether I want another one or not and I hate not knowing the answer. I guess I figure if it's supposed to happen it will and if it isn't, it won't.

[MrsAprilMay]

Totally! I love being pregnant and I love birth. I'm more traumatized over the severe PPD this time around. I'm totally scared to have another child, but would love to have another birth.

If I could, I would surro and have a homebirth at their house! lol

[Turquesa]

I want another baby but not another birth.

PM me and we'll make arrangements . . . <Kidding!!>

[bobandjess99]

I very much want another baby, but not another pregnancy or birth.

[ColwynsMommy]

That's funny.. I guess there's a wide range. Too bad we can't pick and choose! Some people could be pregnant for as long as they like, without having to give birth or have more kids, others could just give birth without having to be pregnant or have more kids, and some would just have kids and skip the pregnancy and birth. Too funny.

I'm finding it hard to objectively decide what I want. When I feel like we shouldn't adopt (which we've been planning to do for years), is it because I just want to give birth again? Will I regret not adopting, when we really want to? Does it make sense to put us back in debt (to adopt) when we've worked for over five years to become debt free, when we could just as easily have another bio kid? It's very hard for me to separate out what's best for my family vs. my desire to give birth again.

Thank goodness I have a while to decide.. either way, with a 4 month old, #4 is a long way off.

[jrabbit]

You're still in the honeymoon phase, but yeah, I get it, too. I'm 42, and I find myself feeling sad that this is the last chance I'll have. When I was pg with 2nd, I intentionally enjoyed every moment because I wasn't sure we'd have another chance, and I wanted to be sure I could live with that. Well, 4 years later, we got the chance Now, I have little fantasies about doing it again, but I talk myself out of it mostly when I think about my age and about the stress of the unknown and how we really should be grateful that we have what we have. Oh - and there's also my feelings about population growth ...

I'm sure I'm not making sense, but I completely relate to the "wanting" to be pregnant again. I believe very strongly in living a life without regrets, but in this case, i sometimes regret not starting "younger" - but we started less a year after we got married (which was after a short engagement), so "younger" wouldn't have been possible! And, I really like having 4 years in between the kids, so regrets are foolish for me.

We also want to adopt. I don't feel like our family is finished, but economics may decide that for us. At any rate, I don't plan to "do" anything one way or another after this one is born ... just maybe ... maybe we'll do it again (soon)

--janis

[greene_mama]

Originally Posted by Turquesa

I want another baby but not another birth.

PM me and we'll make arrangements . . . <Kidding!!>

:

This was my thought exactly...awesome for all of you who had a great birth, but I've been telling everyone that I'd gladly have 10 more kids if only I didn't have to give birth to them!! I loved being pregnant & LOVE being a mama, but that whole 3 1/2 days of labor and birth, I could have done without.

[hapersmion]

I feel like I could go on having kid after kid after kid, yeah. I've been lurking on the surrogacy thread ever since my son was born, and we are still planning to have one or two more.

There ARE people who'd be interested in a surrogate homebirth, actually. (There used to be a surrogacy thread in FYT, dunno if it is still around.) There were even a couple of people who had unassisted surrogate births! So it can be done - probably not with an agency, but independently.

[mamato3cherubs]

I completely understand. I would love to do it again. And more my way this time. Maybe to heal what I went through with my last? It has been worse since I had my hysterectomy. Probably because I know it is impossible. Probably a good thing too as I really dont want any more kids!

[mytwogirls]

Originally Posted by mamato3cherubs

I completely understand. I would love to do it again. And more my way this time. Maybe to heal what I went through with my last? It has been worse since I had my hysterectomy. Probably because I know it is impossible. Probably a good thing too as I really dont want any more kids!

I kinda know how you feel, having a hysterectomy as well. I would LOVE to be pregnant and would have like just one more, but I could easily have kept going and going. Sucks knowing it is not possible though

[Momsteader]

Yup! I totally know how you feel! I had two surrogate pregnancies and loved every minute of the pregnancy and had amazing births. And no regret that the baby didn't come home with me

[Lohagrace]

yes! and that's why i'm a surrogate and there ARE parents out there who would love for their surrogate to have a homebirth or birth center birth. we were planning a birth center birth until we found out it is twins...but homebirth, even with twins, is not totally off the table. i'm not even sure how *I* feel about homebirth with twins! but anyway, you may have to look longer, but you can find people who have your values about pregnancy and childbirth. it is a huge process, and i think doing it only for the motivation of giving birth again wouldnt be enough (for example, if you get pregnant via IVF and the baby is theirs genetically, its just... a big process. personally i wasnt comfortable doing a surrogacy with my own eggs) you have to really want to help them have a baby.