Wanting Another Birth, But Not Baby? - Page 2

[newtonscricket]

Yeah, me too. I've had four, all positive, each one better than the last. This last time I feel like I really got it "right" (thanks MDC for the "Don't Push" advice!). I felt like an old pro. There was a student midwife and student doula at my birth so I really felt like I was teaching people how great it could be.

And then there's the 2-3 hrs. after birth! The greatest highs of my life, thank you endorphins! It's almost worth bringing a whole new human being into the world just to get those 2-3 hrs. again.

Almost.

But I really don't want another baby. And I REALLY don't want another toddler!

[ColwynsMommy]

Originally Posted by Lohagrace

it is a huge process, and i think doing it only for the motivation of giving birth again wouldnt be enough (for example, if you get pregnant via IVF and the baby is theirs genetically, its just... a big process. personally i wasnt comfortable doing a surrogacy with my own eggs) you have to really want to help them have a baby.

That's one of the reasons I hesitate. Not that I don't want anyone who wants a baby to be able to have one, but I don't really know that I could make that leap with someone I don't already know, just so I could give birth again. Now, if my sister needed a surrogate (and there's a possibility she might), or someone else I know, I would do it in a heartbeat.

That's great to hear that others have been surrogates because they love giving birth, and that a homebirth wouldn't be impossible.

Thanks!

[proudmamanow]

Sign me up...I LOOOOOOOOOVE being pregnant. I loved my wonderful home waterbirth. I don't think I can handle more than 2 kids. ever. Particularly if number 3 is as intense and high-needs as my wonderful dd1. But I totally understand.

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by hapersmion

I feel like I could go on having kid after kid after kid, yeah. I've been lurking on the surrogacy thread ever since my son was born, and we are still planning to have one or two more.

There ARE people who'd be interested in a surrogate homebirth, actually. (There used to be a surrogacy thread in FYT, dunno if it is still around.) There were even a couple of people who had unassisted surrogate births! So it can be done - probably not with an agency, but independently.

I'll do you one better...

http://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/

I've been lurking there for a couple years now...

[~Boudicca~]

I absolutely know how you feel.

DD1's birth was a hospital birth that really sucked. Afterward I did my homework on natural birth and ended up having a completely empowering, sublime, unhindered hospital birth (no joke) with DD2.

I freaking LOVE being pregnant. When I am with child, I am at my healthiest and most in tune with my body. And somehow, whenever I give birth, my weight immediately drops down to my pre-children weight, which makes me jump for joy.

And when I think of my last birth experience, I feel like superwoman. The only thing I would do different for my next (hypothetically speaking) birth is that I would do it at home.

Part of me feels that all I would like is to see is if I can rock the whole birthing thing at home a)just to see if I can pull it off again and b)to give the finger to anyone that says that giving birth at home is dangerous and "weird". Neither are a good reason to have another baby.

Honestly, I think if I had another child it would drive me right into CrazyTown. I really don't think I could handle 3. I used to want 3 kids, but it has been hard admitting to myself that I think I have reached my emotional and psychological limits with the 2 that I have.

Has anyone here ever read Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northup? I am in the middle of this book and it has been really eye-opening. One of the things she talks about is how most of a woman's drive to be creative is centered in the womb and how fertility is a metaphor for that ability to create. Here is a quote that I really liked:

We need to expand the meanings of fertility and birth. We must begin to see female birth power for what it is--the basis of all of creation. When enough women sense this creative female power inherent within each of us--not dependent upon what we produce or don't produce with our bodies--the world will change...The most important thing to remember is that our creative fertility in the broadest sense is with us for a lifetime--whether or not we have children.

It occurred to me later that so far, creatively, my children are the only thing I have completed. I am a very creative person, I have many talents, but I am a jack of all trades and a master of none, and I very, very rarely will finish any creative pursuits. So that particular chapter rang true for me, when added to the explanations she gives for why the womb is a woman's creative center physically, spiritually, and subconsciously. So let's just say that now I am working on honing my talents so I can turn out something other than a small person as an end result

You know what I am really going to miss though? Nursing my babies. I didn't nurse DD1 due to the usual lack of support/education/knowledge but I have had an extremely successful nursing relationship with my 17 month-old. I am going to be so devastated when she weans, and will really miss having a baby to nurse. Maybe I'll become a wet nurse!

[fyoosh]

::raises hand:: I am one of the homebirthin' surrogates I was a surrogate for my best friend, and we had a UP/UC. I gave birth to her daughter in August. So there are intended parents out there that desire homebirths!

[njbeachgirl]

Love being pregnant, had an amazing birth and would do that part all over again. But, I feel our family is complete.

[Water&SpiritMama]

Yes, yes! I know this feeling. I have struggled with it immensely since having a beautiful waterbirth earlier this year... just have to give birth again, it is TOO amazing! However, I feel like I have my hands full with kids ages 5, 3, 2, and 8mo., so I know I'm not ready to care for another baby quite yet. The desire to give birth again isn't good enough motivation!

[desertpenguin]

part of me really does want to give birth again, but not have another pregnancy or baby. ds2 was uc. it was awesome! i don't enjoy most of the pregnancy though, but i feel like most of that are things that could be resolved with being better off financially and health-wise. and part of me really wants to have a dd, but i have realized that most of that is because i have "mommy issues"...no close, unhindered relationships with any female. even my best friend i don't talk to very often, and usually online. i don't think that having another child (and possibly another boy!) to try to resolve that would be in anyone's best interest, so it makes me feel very selfish, not to mention very confused. i do, i don't, i do, i don't!

[emaye_to_2]

Yes, me! I have a really strong desire to be pregnant and give birth again but am not ready (nor is DH) to add on child #3 to our family. It is hard for me actually and I think about it alot. I LOVED being pregnant and giving birth outside of the hospital.

[Raene]

I am on the other side of this situation. I'm in a gay relationship and struggling with the stress of conceiving has been too much. My best friend is considering being a surrogate and I'm be forever indebted. I had one daughter myself and I LOVE being pregnant, but it's not worth the stress that this whole situation has caused.

[mommyndoula]

I am soooo glad I am not the only one that has this feeling, everyone I mention something about this too I get horror stories of how awful their birth was... rolling my eyes I often feel sorry I said anything. I loved being pregnant, I loved labor, I loved delivery... but I need more kids like I need a hole in my head...

[battymama]

I would love to give birth again! i loved it, however i really did not enjoy pregnancy, my body does not do well. I love having a baby and i love breastfeeding and everything else. I used to want 6 children but with how i want to raise them and the amount of energy it takes from me we are probally scaling that down to 3, plus i want to be done by the time i am in my early 30s, and with the spacing i want it wouldnt work having more. DH says that we can have as many as we want, he never said that until we had her. I would certainly consider being a surro, if i could have the birth i wanted (homebirth) and if the mum would try to induce lactation, because i would want that babe to have breast milk, but i will probally wait to see how the nex pregnancy goes, if its as fun as the last one then i would only do it for someone very, very close to me. Being a surro is something i have felt called to do for a long time, it is such an awesome gift to have a child, i would love to help someone have that too, i can just imagine the look in their eyes when they scoop them out of the birth pool and look into the babies eyes for the first time : i even dream about it.

Honeydee- that is a really awesome concept! i am so much the same just to creative, always flitting from one thing to the next, never finishing. Poppy truly is my finest work, and the only thing i ever finished. I think that if the only thing i ever acheive is to have brought her into the world then i have lead a worthwhile life, because she is just all kinds of awesome.