Is there sometimes when being quiet is better than speaking up?

[momtoS]

I was walking with an aquaintance. She is a friend on facebook and I had commented on some LLL photos (of beautiful breastfeeding pictures). She said she looked at all the photos and thought it was sick and gross to see 3 to 6 year olds still nursing. My daughter nursed until she self weaned at 3.5 years old. I have mentioned in the past, nursing her at 2....but that's it. Well, I didn't want to start a debate. So, instead of standing up for extended nursing.........I focused on the other comment she made....the women nursing the premie (she was a mom to two premies) I commented on how tiny the baby was and how great it was to see the mom nursing. She said that she saw the mom using kangaroo care and wished that the staff had let her do that. So we talked a little about nursing premies and kangaroo care instead.

How could I have better dealt with the extended nursing comments?

[miche28]

I think it depends on what your goal is, really. I think it would have been fine to say, "Really? I love those pictures because it reminds of DD nursing at that age... it was a really special time for us. Speaking of special times, did you see the preemie...". That would have at least expressed your feelings of hurt at the suggestion that nursing a 3 year old is sick without getting into a debate that you didn't want to engage in.

Extended nursing is one of those things that I think people need to just start experiencing as normal - it's hard to "convince" someone who has only ever seen smallinfants breastfeed (if that) that a four year old still needs to nurse (no matter what the science says). Now, if she were a HCP, whole different ball game .

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

[QUOTE=miche28;12349125]

Extended nursing is one of those things that I think people need to just start experiencing as normal - it's hard to "convince" someone who has only ever seen smallinfants breastfeed ...QUOTE]

Yes. I personally would never have imagined that I would be bfing an 18 mo, let alone a 2 or 3 year old. Experiencing it is really the only thing that has convinced me it isn't odd. I agree that the best course of action would be to briefly acknowledge your own experience (maybe that will make your friend think, "Huh, I don't think she's weird, and she nursed... etc) and then redirect the conversation to positive things.

[smanore]

I've found it especially helpful to say something along the lines of, "It can be surprising to see an older one (preschooler, little one -whichever word you want to use) on the breast the first time. I'm sure your little one wouldn't nurse nearly as long as mine did." or something along those lines. I remember reading that one of the founding mothers of LLL used the "I'm sure you little one won't nurse nearly as long as mine did/does" line with people who were shocked or downright resistant to extended nursing.

I just find it's nicer, easier, and more beneficial for both of us if I accept the mother where she is -nasty comment and all. By refraining from being negative or defensive you'll open up the opportunity for her to enlarge her view of 'normal'. Now if it's a REALLY nasty or aggressive comment on my parenting choices I might not be so friendly. I usually say each person needs to parent how they see best and then quote some research supporting my choice. I'm sure they aren't listening then, as their minds are closed, but it makes me feel better