Are there any situations where you'd cover up? - Page 4

[Momily]

Originally Posted by NoraB

What if the mom w/ the infant is waiting w/ her toddler or young child? Does the young child step into the hall w/ mom and babe or go in a separate room? It really doesn't make much sense to me. What if the babe needs a long nursing (some babies can nurse for much more than 30 minutes)? Since most women seem to automatically show nothing or next to it during nursing, I imagine most others in the room wouldn't even guess what the nursing mom is doing. Throwing a blanket over her shoulder is much more of an advertisement than nursing w/ just her shirt tucked around baby's face. I'm honestly NOT a discourteous person. It just wouldn't occur to me that nursing an infant in that situation could possibly be discourteous. I still don't see it. And an infant's ability to understand "waiting for food" is really different than a toddlers or preschoolers. I'm not trying to obtuse here...but I've never been in your situation. Maybe I'd feel differently in that case.

I have to assume that the mother is in fact waiting for surgery for another child -- I can't imagine another reason why she'd be there. Of course she'd be invited to bring her older child with her into the room -- that's what they're designed for, to give a family a more private space to wait. Of course it's possible that her own child would also be nursing and would be upset to see a sibling nurse, in which case if there are 2 parents they might well split up.

I should point out that in this circumstance I'm not worried about the nurses, doctors or other parents knowing the baby is nursing. I'm concerned about babies, toddlers and young preschoolers who wish they were nursing knowing that the baby is nursing.

As to toddlers being able to wait better than an infant, I'd say not that much better. I know that my infant gave cues that he was ready to eat a few minutes before he became desperate. A baby who is starting to give those cues is no more desperate than a 15 month old who hasn't eaten for hours, and is scared, and confused because Mommy's denying nursing when she doesn't usually do so.

I'm editing to add (because I read more posts) that I'm not talking about some little curtained space, I'm talking about a room, with a door and chairs -- so crawling under the curtain isn't an issue. I also have to say that I'd be sorry that your healthy child is upset that she doesn't want to choose between the two things she wants simultaneously, but not sorry enough to allow that upset my sick child of the same age who currently can't choose between those two things. I also wanted to add that if you walk into a room where there's a sign instructing you to ask if you need a place to feed your baby, and you choose not to do so until your children are upset and wanting to feed, then I'm scratching my head. You know your child is going to want to eat -- why not ask where that's appropriate when you first come in.

I think it's a little bizarre that people haven't questioned when other people say they wouldn't nurse in front of their pastor or whatever, but nursing in a situation that is clearly distressing to a sick baby, and where safe, clean alternative is available, is subject to much debate.

[junipermuse]

Originally Posted by Momily

I think it's a little bizarre that people haven't questioned when other people say they wouldn't nurse in front of their pastor or whatever, but nursing in a situation that is clearly distressing to a sick baby, and where safe, clean alternative is available, is subject to much debate.

For me personally I haven't commented on things like "I cover when I'm at church or in front of the pastor" because those things are about personal comfort. There is no suggestion that other people should have to cover just because that individual feels uncomfortable in that situation. But the situation involving the hospital seems to imply that people who don't cover or nurse in a private place are inconsiderate. Personally I don't think anyone should have to not feed their infant or hide while feeding there child, just because mine can't have food in that moment. I would feel wonderful and grateful at their kindheartedness if they went out of their way not to nurse in front of my child, but i wouldn't feel it was rude if they needed to feed their baby where they are. I would trust that they are doing the best they can do at the moment, if I felt my child was really upset seeing the baby nurse i might request to take my child to a private space.

[mouthcave]

I haven't encountered a cover-up situation (yet anyway), though I have tried it a few times out of curiousity and it hasn't been successful. There are certain people I will not BF around at all, so I usually just leave the room.

[lacysmommy]

I will cover up around DH's creepy uncle. He is a convicted sex offender and was oogling me while I was nursing my DD at my MIL's (his sister's) funeral. Fortunately I hardly ever see him, but his dad is really sick and eventually we'll have another funeral to go to.

I've covered up while nursing an older toddler in public if I felt really uncomfortable about it. But generally speaking, I do not cover up.

[Twinklefae]

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

I will cover up around DH's creepy uncle. He is a convicted sex offender and was oogling me while I was nursing my DD at my MIL's (his sister's) funeral. Fortunately I hardly ever see him, but his dad is really sick and eventually we'll have another funeral to go to.

I've covered up while nursing an older toddler in public if I felt really uncomfortable about it. But generally speaking, I do not cover up.

That sounds awful!

[sweetpeppers]

If I am in public nursing (other than in the wrap nursing), I always pull down my tanktop to nurse, and I'll put my hand over the top of the breast. though now that it is getting cold, and I'm wearing sweatshirts, my son loves to climb under the shirt and even pull his feet inside sometimes. If people asked what he was doing, I'd say he's having some milk or nursing. Covering up makes me think of a blanket covering your whole baby and shoulder, my son would never stand for that no matter where we were.

[OkiMom]

Ive covered up when DD was 4-10 months old because she was really distractable. She would pop on and off. I had a lot of problems nursing when she was really little but we didn't go out where I didn't have a place to go into and nurse.

Now I don't cover up at all. If I went to DH's work I would cover up because Im not usually comfortable nursing around Marines. Ive done it before when I didn't have a choice but I prefer not.

Im expecting our second baby and I ordered a nice nursing cover for times when I don't want to nurse or if this baby is hard in the beginning like DD was.

[NoraB]

I usually take the stance that it's the onlooker who is uncomfortable, so they can move if it's bothering them. However, in a hospital waiting room like that, the fasting patient CAN'T move, the nursing/bottle feeding mom can. My son has had 4 surgeries plus two additional sedations. And he recognizes a nursing child when he sees one. And it IS torture to him, even at only 19 months old!! If I needed to nurse Ian, I would leave my husband with Connor while I took Ian elsewhere. I doubt a mother would have two of her children with her without another adult if one of them was requring medical care at the level requring fasting.

You gain a whole new perspective when you have a child with intense medical needs.

I can see that. It would make a big difference if there was another adult w/ the mom. I guess I was imagining myself. I might be alone in that situation b/c DH works such long hours. He tries to be off in situations like that, but I don't know if he would definitely be there. I can see your point though. Again, I haven't been in those circumstances myself.

For example when my dd was around 15 mos she wanted to nurse ALL the time, but would never nurse for more than a few seconds at a time. She might nurse 5 times in half an hour especially in a stressful situation. She absolutely would not have tolerated me covering her up and it just would not have made sense to go into another space because she'd cry to go back to the waiting area as soon as we got to the private area. Especially if there were toys or other children in the waiting room. If I tried to tell her we had to wait to nurse she'd be pulling at my clothes screaming "boob boob, nurse..." crying and drawing much more attention to the whole "nursing situation" than if I just let her pop on or off.

Both of my children have done that kind of thing in toddlerhood. My 3 yo DS definitely does that on occassion now. In fact, lately he's been NIP'ing more than DD did at his age and she was big time into comfort nursing.

Also I think its very reasonable to imagine a mama there by herself with 2 children. There are many single mama's with more than one child and there are also daddy's with job's that aren't very flexible with time off. If they have a child who has a serious medical condition the dad might need to conserve sick days for really serious times, not just when going in for another test. So if a mama is in the waiting room with her toddler and infant. First she has wrangle both children and go up and ask a staff member for a private space (she can't just go out into the hallway if she has a toddler like mine who would just try to run away) if its busy it might take a while for them to find a private space for the mama, meanwhile the infant is starting to get very distressed because he's hungry and the toddler meanwhile is trying to go back to the toys in the waiting room. So finally the give her one of those little curtained areas. She tries to sit down and nurse, but the toddler keeps crawling under the curtain, he's mad that he can't play with the toys in the waiting room. The baby is now having trouble settling down because he got so worked up waiting to be fed and because mom is dealing with the same issues of stress and anxiety that all the othe mom's and children are dealing with. The default understanding is that a baby needs to eat whenever and wherever they are and for me that includes other places where food isn't typically allowed. That includes both bottle and breastfeeders.

That's a really good example. I can see it from both perspectives. I think we all try to be sensitive to others in difficult situations, but we aslo can't demand that others go far and beyond out of their way to be sensitive to our situation. It depends on the situation and the circumstances.