you know, I can't say as we've got any REAL challenges at this point. Though the driving thing is new to us.
We have minor moments when it comes to disciplining the kids but my mom is a MAJOR support to me and totally respectful of my place as the kids' mom. (Meaning that I am the one who determines what will happen in a given situation and she merely backs me up.)
Like here is a prime example---lately the kids just go NUTS when it is time to get dressed. Running around all through the place screaming, jumping naked on the bed. *sigh* (I guess not such a huge deal if you are not in a hurry to go somewhere but the other day DS was late to preschool because of it.)
And I have a little hang-up with them running and jumping naked in front of a full length window in our door. (call me paranoid I guess)
My mom and I are the ones at home in the evening at bathtime. So we now each take a kid directly from the bath by the hand and get them into the waiting pajamas. (that she kindly gets out while I referee splashing and wrangle children who don't WANT to wash their hair, thank you.)
We had a minor disagreement tonight about DS, my mom says he's 4 years old now and he SHOULD be able to do as he is told and get into the PJ's without this big production.
I said (years of special ed preschool speaking I guess) that while maybe he SHOULD be able to do it, for whatever reason, he is NOT doing it and so we need to meet him where he is, which at this point is that someone needs to physically hang onto him and dress him. (and HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY he will realize that we really do mean he NEEDS to get dressed NOW and do it more willingly and independently.)
I then volunteered to be the one to do this, since it's probably more physically demanding to wrangle him and his sister is usually more easily convinced that it is time to get dressed NOW.
(and then I've eliminated the repeated, escalatingly louder and more frustrated attempts to get him to comply to verbal directions.)
I'm starting to realize that's the way to handle it. I couldn't continue to live with the way she was doing it, I realized she had the more difficult child in that situation, it's my job as the parent to take over with the one that needs *parenting* at that moment. Which is what discipline is anyway.
more often than not she's the one that will say though "oh I should just shut my mouth and let you be the mom" and I'm the one saying "no they need to listen to you too, you are fine."
It's going well. I have to say I am fortunate in the fact that she really does back me, like last night, she was AIC (adult-in-charge) while I went to my midwife appointment for about 2 hours. (including a 30 min drive each way to where I need to go for a legal out of hospital birth)
About 2 hours before I left, we went to the library and got movies. When we got home, I carried S. into the house and DS locked himself into the van and ran around in it. (I had the keys)
DS knows full well what I think of playing in the car. (it's been an ongoing issue, I'm sick and tired of it, your job is to get in your seat and try to buckle it or get out and come inside with us. Plus, call me paranoid but I have horrible visions of DS putting the van in gear.)
So...I said that because he didn't come in the house, he wasn't going to get to watch any of his movies last night.
And yes, he whined and complained. And he tried to get Grandma to give in. But Grandma did NOT give in.
(she told me later she almost laughed at him though because he tried, for the first time, "Sophie, YOU want to watch Bear, don't you? Grandma, SOPHIE wants to watch Bear.")
(and yes, I realize that the common theme to much of what is going on in our house also seems to be that DS is testing Grandma. Or maybe he is acting out with her to try to get my attention? I realize anyway that the common denominator seems to be acting up when he's expected to listen to Grandma but I am also present. He actually does better when she is babysitting and I am out of the picture. also the few times that it is just me and him it seems to go better.)
that's why I decided to volunteer to be the one in charge of him after bathtime.
But I imposed a consequence for not coming in the house with Grandma. He's got to learn that he needs to listen to all the adults in the household, all of the time. (he also needs to learn to speak up and ask for what he wants, I will gladly wait a minute if what he wants at that moment is to walk in with ME.)
anyone else have issues with their kids not wanting to listen to all the adults in the house??
