help: how to help a 6 year old grieve

[meemee]

dd now 6 lost her gpa 4 months ago. she was with him thru the last months of his life and was holding his hand as he passed. she also lost her gma 6 months ago. again she was involved with her last few months and was by her bedside when she passed. she helped with bathing gma and also sang at her memorial service. she was 5 then.

now i find there are triggers that reduce her to silent tears once in a while. she IS handling things well... but i was looking for ideas to support her grief.

i sit with her and hold her... but can i do more.

she is crying for the finality of death. that she cant talk to her gpa anymore. she knows he is around but she misses his physical self. she was v. v. close to him.

any ideas?

[annamama]

I'm so sorry you have been through these losses... I don't have any ideas, I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that having your Mama sitting with you and holding you is probably the best comforter for grief.

[Magella]

I'm sorry for your losses.

There is a book called When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses . If you have time to read, it might help you.

I also think that just being there, holding her while she cries, talking about her feelings are probably what she most needs, and you're already doing that.

[BethSLP]

Just wanted to say that I think its commendable how much of a role you allowed your DD to play in her loved one's passing. I think this is probably the most healing thing for her to be a part of.

So many people try to hide death from children. Its such a tough thing to go through, but trying to downplay and avoid the situation makes their grieving process a lot more confused IMO. I think its really special she was able to hold hands with someone so close to her as they passed.

I think your DD is lucky to have you and will be a much healthier adult as a result of these experiences that so many of us were denied when we were children. And I agree with the previous poster who said holding her and being there is probably the best support you can give.

XOXO
B

[tug]

there is a book on helping a child deal with grief. it's like a workbook. if you pm me your addy, i will mail you my copy. my kids were too young to really use it when my dad died this spring, but yours is probably just the right age.

i also love "bear's last journey" by udo weigelt. although that might be too young for her. but it's beautiful. and really touching.

[meemee]

oh mama's thank you for your thoughts. i guess i was not clear about what i wanted.

yes i am grateful that my dd was able to be present thru so much of her gpa and gma. and what she is experiencing is 'normal'.

but i was looking for any suggestion of rituals or ceremonies that any of you might have. i have for instance not done an altar coz it would be too raw yet for her to see her gpa and gma's picture and rememberences. we do sometimes set a place setting for them and invite them to join us for dinner and talk about them.

sadly neither of them have a 'grave' they were buried in. so we dont have a place to go. but i think this year i will make it a point to go to the local graveyard where they have a great 'celebration' on is it all souls day where families eat dinner on the graveside.

i just feel it would be meaningful to my dd to have the dead more 'present' in our life. like we used to see gpa and gma a few times a month. and i dont want that to stop just because they are dead.

it doesnt have to be religious or anything like that. just something appropriate for a 6 year old.

[smocklets]

(hugs) to you and dd. I was about that age when my little sister died, and although we went through a very rough time in our family, there are a few things I still remember that helped. First my mom gave us each a new stuffed animal to cuddle with at night when we were sad(or we were always welcome to join my parents bed instead). We also wrote and illustrated a book about my sister, including her death. We drew pictures and dictated to my mother. She made several copies of the book, so we each had one- I still have mine and remember reading it often.
Because my sister was so young, we became involved in charities that helped children, in honor of her. Maybe you could have your daughter make cards for nursing home residents, in honor of her grandparents?