Need Support - Marker for Galactosemia...Update!!!! :-) - Page 2

[Bee21]

My heart is breaking for you Carrie. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I were in your shoes. But you are a wonderful mama and will do what is best for your baby girl. I hope you receive good news with the blood draw.

[Faerieshadow]

OH, Carrie, you are doing what's best for that darling girl. I can only imagine what you're going through but you're definitely doing the best a mother can.

[meadowmoose]

You are absolutely doing the right thing for your daugther. Try to keep your chin up, hon.

[NotTheOnlyOne]

I just had to tell you something. My ds1 is 2 and he is still breastfed... BUT when he gets hurt or is feeling unloved for some reason (like I snapped at him for hitting the cat on the head with a tape measure) he says to me, "Burp me, Mama. Burp me, feel better" It melts my heart of course. He sometimes asks for a boobie, but more often then not he just wants me to hold him close and nuzzle him so he can rest his head on my shoulder.

Being a mother isn't just about how you feed your child.... its how you hold them, how you whisper in their ears, how they feel so secure in your arms. No one can take that away from you. You are the only one that can provide THAT kind of love for Nora and no one can take that away.

I do hope the test comes back as a false positive, but if it doesn't just remember what I said.

[lovemysunshine]

mama. I am so sorry you're having to go through this; i know I would not be handling it well if it were me in your position. Keep pumping and we will hope and pray it turns out to be negative. Please keep us updated and I hope all goes well with the testing.

[dany]

Originally Posted by NotTheOnlyOne

Being a mother isn't just about how you feed your child.... its how you hold them, how you whisper in their ears, how they feel so secure in your arms. No one can take that away from you. You are the only one that can provide THAT kind of love for Nora and no one can take that away.

This. Make this your mantra.




Your family is in my thoughts, mama.

[Fireflyforever]

I have nothing to add to the wonderful words of the wise women here - just wanted to send you and your family prayers and hugs.

You are a wonderful mother and you are doing the best for your child.

[Baby_Cakes]

Thank you all so, so, so much. I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible it is to have the support from all of you. I'm trying so hard to feel like a good mama, and last night I did feed Nora skin to skin. I just couldn't help but sob through the whole thing, but I made sure I told her I wasn't angry or sad at her. I told her I would never do this to her if I didn't absolutely have to. I told her it wasn't because I didn't love her, that it was because I love her so incredibly much that I had to do this.

Chris keeps telling me not to worry about her emotional state, that she's too young to realize what is going on and millions of babies are switched to formula for whatever reason. I just keep thinking, yeah, but that's b/c their Mommies want them to be switched.

It is so hard to grieve and mourn the loss of our nursing relationship. I told her it had been the most wonderful 8 days of my entire life. I am so glad I had those 8 days to know her the way I did.

I am really scared that I'm not going to come out of this depression. I hope with time it goes away. Pumping is so cold and removed, and honestly, it feels like it's for nothing because if she does test positive, the milk is going to go to waste. I'm not even sure I'm going to continue saving it after every session, b/c as hard as it is to pour it down the drain, it's going to be even harder to toss it once the diagnosis is in.

Can I just say the hardest part is that my little girl is so not who she was even just a day ago? She used to nurse, then sleep for 2-3 hours, wake up with a smile, and be ready to nurse again. Now, she screams. All the time. She won't sleep unless you're holding her. She turns the brightest color red imaginable and will not stop screaming. Chris slept with her on his chest on the recliner all night long. We are hoping it isn't colic from this stupid junk formula; it's so incredibly maddening at this point. I want my happy, precious little girl back.

[freedak]

Oh, Carrie, I'm so sorry you and Nora have to go through this. I know it's so difficult to see her screaming and upset, but just keep telling yourself that you really are doing what is BEST for her in every capacity. You are a great mother, no matter how your LO gets her nutrition! I love what NotTheOnlyOne said about being a mother--it's so true! You know we're keeping our fingers crossed that the next test comes back negative, but also know that you have our unconditional support if it doesn't and you have to FF.

[Dahlea]

Oh no! Poor baby! It's not your fault at all! That is why they make formula-some babies NEED it. Lots of hugs!

[myrmom]

the milk is going to go to waste. I'm not even sure I'm going to continue saving it after every session, b/c as hard as it is to pour it down the drain, it's going to be even harder to toss it once the diagnosis is in.

can you donate your milk?? This way even if your beauty can't benefit from it another baby might be able to.

I hope she is just adjusting to the change and she starts to be her happy self again soon...

[casemnor]

First of all...big hugs to all of you.

Ok, Carrie, this is mothering for you. It's never quite what you thought it would be, and filled with wild highs and devestating lows. Just keep remembering YOU are the mommy. And that's all Nora cares about. She only cares that she knows how much you love and cherish her. You are the center of her universe whether or not you are feeding her from breast or bottle...

I remember being a first time mom and full of doubts that I was doing it right as well...but then it hit me...Nell didn't care if it was the "right" way or what anyone else migh tthink about how we did things...all she cared about was knowing her mommy was right there when she needed me...and it keeps going...as she's gotten older...she needs me less in the way she did as a newborn/infant/toddler...but there's no denying...she still needs me...and there is no one in the world for her like her mom. Of that I'm sure.

You and her daddy are enough for Nora...you are everything she has ever wanted....know that and everything else falls into perspective.

No doubt, you are faced with tough/heartbreaking choices as a mother...but you do what is best for your child because you are her mom.

Stop holding yourself accountable for some standards that you think are out there...the only requirements you need to worry about is loving Nora, yourself and your husband...and knowing that as a litle family...you'll all figure it out along the way.

On a lighter note,in one of my dark mommy doubt moments a very cherished coworker told me jokingly that it is hard to kill them on accident...it was alighthearted way of telling me that Nella nd I would make it...no matter how full of doubt I was.

You can do it!

[lee1203]

I have nothing to add, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of y'all. Nora is very lucky to have a mama who will do what's right for her even when it's so hard.

[Amber Lion]

What is your support system like right now Carrie? Do you have people helping you? People you can cry to (besides us, of course)? With all you're going through I think a good support system will be essential to come out the other end, so if you're not reaching out for help to the people who love you... please do!!!

Also, journaling might help you work through the tough feelings. Just write it all out, uncensored, everything you're feeling about this; the yucky, nasty, no good thoughts and the loving, caring thoughts too. Maybe writing a letter to Nora would help too. The product is not the point, it's the writing and getting it out that helps.

I know there aren't enough in the world right now, but I'm sending more!! You're being such a strong Momma for your little girl!

[janasmama]

((hugs)) mama.

you do have another option besides the bottle if you want to try to keep a good latch in the hopes of a false positive...

you can feed her with a dropper. I'm not sure exactly where or how to use but you could inquire in the bf'ing forum.

remember that false positives are very frequent.

take care of yourself, go get some mood enhancing herbs to help you feel better.

[OrchideZ]

Carrie...
If it does turn out you can't go back to bf-ing, there are wonderful all-natural, organic recipes for making your own formula. I just read about them on Mothering actually last week in the Ask the Experts area.
Here is the link:
http://mothering.com/sections/expert...tml#probiotics
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html
Since Linda Palmer doesn't address soy formulas here, she does seem to be well-versed in nutrition and what to do, I would maybe contact her and ask if there is a soy variant on the formulas you can make.
I am thinking about you and I wanted to say re. Nora crying that she is very linked in to your feelings and emotions and if you are crying, it could definitely affect her mood. I know this is so hard on you but honestly, you would be selfish to not give her what is best for her. I applaud you.

[Changed]

I am so, so sorry. I know how much this hurts. Love and comfort to you.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by casemnor

Stop holding yourself accountable for some standards that you think are out there...the only requirements you need to worry about is loving Nora, yourself and your husband...and knowing that as a litle family...you'll all figure it out along the way.

This is one of the hardest parts of all of this for me. I have to get over the whole purity thing b/c i knew that breast was best. I was so set on her being exclusively bf'd - no formula, no water, no bottles for 6 weeks, etc. I wanted her to be pure. Letting go of that and realizing that it doesn't apply anymore has thrown me completely for a loop.

As for support right now, I have Chris, of course, but he is dealing with fears and hurt as well. I'm really just pouring it all out here b/c bothn sets of grandparents think formula is no big deal. They didn't bf us, so they just don't get the hurt that I'm going through.

We took her to see the ped this morning just to make sure that there is nothing wrong with her b/c of the screaming, etc. She actually gained 8 oz and is 2 oz over her birthweight!! All on BM!! I'm like, that was all us, Nora, you are a miracle!! It just sucks that bf'ing was going so well and we had to stop. It just sucks. Her color is good, she's vigorous, tummy felt soft -- the ped said she's fine. Just tough it out until we find out one way or another about the galactosemia and we will go from there. And they gave us a 4 day-ish supply of the formula, which is helpful, too.

I'm slowly coming around...I have to just take it one hour at a time, one bottle at a time, one hurdle at a time.

[TaraRae82]

Carrie, I've read this thread and sent you a PM. I didn't want you to think I wasn't praying for you and crying right along with you. All my spare love to you mama.

[birthdancedoula]

Carrie. Just the simple fact that you feel what you do about your nursing relationship with Nora makes you one stellar mama in my book. Many, many women give up over so much less...and you're not even giving up...its a choice you are making because you have to.

I've worked with several mamas who've had GALT babes and they've all chosen to handle things differently. First if all, continuing to pump until the test results are in is super important, albeit hard, no doubt. Alternative methods of getting the formula into Nora until that time are an option. Syringes, finger feeding, cup feeding...those are all things you can try while you wait. Of course, continuing to bottle feed as you are is fine, too...many babies can make the transition back to breast easily. If it turns out that Nora will need a no-galactose diet, please consider donating your expressed milk. It is a wonderful, often times healing, gift you (and Nora) can give to a babe who needs it. I could help you get in touch with a milk bank if you were interested.

This is no doubt a hard blow to you, I realize. You had an amazing homebirth and now your breastfeeding relationship with your babe is on hold. You have every right to grieve the loss of that, even if it ends up being a few days lost. You are an awesome mama and Nora is so lucky to have chosen you and Chris as her family. My thoughts will be with you all as you walk this journey. Please know you have our support here anytime you may need it.