LDS Mamas and Papas~ Fall/Winter '08 (all are welcome!) - Page 14

[ancoda]

Thank you to everyone that responded with the direct from the authorities answer to the not having to make it to all the extra meetings council.

Congratulation Jenni :::

Welcome Erica.

[Drewsmom]

I don't know if this was the last thread for LDS mamas and papas. I'm pretty unsuccessful about getting onto the other website and staying logged in.

I have a vent similar to my last vent months ago. I was upset about fast offering going to families who I have a hard time seeing as really needing help. Just found out about yet one more family that I am having a VERY hard time coming to grips with. They moved into our ward last year and they live in a rental house that's well over a million dollars. They are accepting food assistance and most likely got a donation from those who gave extra to a Christmas fund. I could almost maybe understand if that was the house that they were paying a mortgage on but for heavens sakes why hasn't someone told them to move out and downgrade to a house that they can actually afford?! Why am I expected to literally support someone's bad habits? We try to live within our means and frankly I feel irate that I should be giving money for a family like this and they're not the only ones.

My vt'ee is a single mom with three small children. She struggles to just get through daily life and it's been a learning experience in giving to her, mainly b/c she's had a hard time staying motivated about getting a job. But I understand her situation much more than this other family. We were asked to donate to a Christmas fund and that families could buy gifts that they felt were good for their children. We gave the amount I had figured we would spend on my vt'ees children and her. But she told us that she wasn't planning on buying present this year. Great! So these kids are going to wake up with no presents and what is she going to do with the money that we donated which is the exact amount that was given to her? I can't go buy presents now, we're totally stretched this Christmas as we're selling our house. One of my best friends' dh's lost his job last year and they really do a good job about being frugal and I know that they are using their donations and food wisely and he has applied for literally every job in the surrounding area and has found one that pays significantly less than the one he had last year but he's working very hard and moving up quickly.

Anyway, how do you possibly reconcile this stuff? We were actually asked to donate more a couple of months ago b/c our ward isn't covering people's needs but how do I do that when I know that part of the fast offering is being misused? And yes I totally think about the scripture of the hands that went to steady the ark and I know that I may be doing that myself when I think these things but how in the world am I not supposed to? Yes I don't know the intimate details of these people's lives but I do know enough to know that they're living in a house worth well over a million dollars, talk about the extravagant vacations that they're planning (yes dh overheard that one a couple of weeks ago) and are accepting our hard earned dollars to buy their kids food and presents this year?!!@#@#$?

[ORLY?]

Drewsmom, I've been following you on this topic since your last posting.

If I were you, I'd go talk to my bishop. Not because you are a 'bad person' or anything like that, but you have concerns that can only be addressed by him, ya know. I know you don't want to have those feelings towards your offerings, and I think they will only be resolved after a heartfelt conversation with your bishop.

Go to the root.


Keep us posted.

[KariM]

Drewsmom,

I have some similar feelings from time to time.

Our family lives an extremely frugal lifestyle and most others in our ward don't. They refuse to, in fact.

There are families facing foreclosure because they bought two homes. They wouldn't rent.

There are families who continually buy homes well outside of their ability to pay them (mortgages are 60-70% of gross income and affordable housing is available here).

We tithe regularly and give a generous fast offering (10% of my monthly grocery budget). Yet I know that there are those in our ward who regularly spend beyond their income using credit cards and continually come back to the church again and again for food for their children. I feed my children rice and beans in order to feed the children of people who buy extravagent convenience foods with money donated to them.

Ultimately I know that my father in heaven knows my heart. He knows I want to help the innocent children. He knows that I know that judgment will come and that I can only be accountable for my own works and sins.

I turn the rest over and just focus on improving myself.

My family gives all we are able to give and trust that anyone who misuses gifts will be held accountable for their abuses. It's out of my hands. I cannot change the actions of others and I can only change myself.

It's hard to do, but moving the focus away from others and back to myself was ultimately the best solution to help me reconcile my feelings.

[K-Mom3]

Hi, I haven't posted in this forum before, but LDS my whole life! I wanted to add to the conversation Drewsmom started about fast offerings and living frugally.

I, too, live frugally. We do without a LOT of things that other people consider essential, all our clothes are hand-me-downs, I make my own bread, birthday and Christmas gifts often come from the thrift store or are homemade.

A lot of the families that I see who are making poor financial decisions, I think that they really don't know how to do it right. They don't know how to make a budget, save so that they can stay out of debt, or they think that they can't do without certain things. So I say that solving this problem has to start with education. Remember hearing about the Perpetual Education Fund, and how the participants have to take a class on financial management through their local institute before they can apply? I think they need to have something like that in our wards and stakes, a required class for everyone that receives assistance and optional for everyone else. I think that a family should have to show their budget to the bishop before they receive help with paying their bills and stuff. Or maybe make a budget as a follow up, so that they don't need to continue to ask for the assistance.

So while I feel annoyed that my fast offering and tithing might be helping people live a more expensive lifestyle than my own, I mostly consider myself lucky. I know how to live within my means, I know how to budget and save, I know how to be responsible and avoid debt. I'm not really giving for those other people, I'm giving for myself, I'm giving to my Heavenly Father.

[Drewsmom]

Thanks for the thoughts while I work this through.