LDS Mamas and Papas~ Fall/Winter '08 (all are welcome!) - Page 3

[ORLY?]

Originally Posted by transformed

Hey ya'll - I have a question for you.
Why do people end up leaving the LDS church? People you have known personally, I mean.

My best friend who introduced me to the church left shortly after I started recieving the missionary discussions. IMO, people don't realize the church is perfect, not the membership. My friend was 14 when she left the church (I investigated for, like, 7 yrs before being baptized), she left because some of the other young women in the ward were typical teenage snobs (my friend's family was not wealthy by any means and she did not wear the current fashion). :
That's all it takes, in my opinion, is to become offended by the stupidity of others. The church is PERFECT not the people.
I'm sure there are other situations, but that is the one that is personal to me.

Originally Posted by transformed

and part 2: Do you mostly socialize with people within the walls of the church, or do you often have close friends outside the church?

I use to have a lot of non-LDS friends, but then about five months ago I moved to MA, we only have one car, I'm a new mommy, so needless to say, I don't get out much. So, yeah, I can say, as of right now, I don't socialize much outside the walls of the church, but once we get settled, I hope to get to know my neighbors a bit more.

Originally Posted by transformed

The lifestyle is what intimidates me because I am so far gone from living like "Sister Sally Homemaker" but I figure if its the right thing for me, it wont be my burden anymore. kwim?

I totally get this. You dont' have to be Sister Sally Homemaker who scrapbooks, cookes, sews, and juggles five kids every day of the week, to be a LDS woman. That image seems to be etched into a lot of minds including those of our church, but I've come to realize lately, it totally doesn't matter.
This seems to get the message across to me. (Every mother should watch that video )

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by transformed

Why do people end up leaving the LDS church? People you have known personally, I mean.

I left the church and every last person I know personally in my life who has left the church left because of the people. I came back and I know others who believe it's true (in varying degrees from rogue Mormons to "meh it might be true but so what") but can't bring themselves to come back. (BTW this is my personal experience- I know there has to be different people out there). There is a lot of "thou shalt not question anything" out there in the church. A lot of bullying. A lot of shunning. There are a lot of cliques. You'll see it at some point IRL and online and in the portrayals of us in the media, etc.
When I left the church it was the woman in the Priesthood issue. I asked and asked about this and got shot down every time. They treated me as if I was just trying to stir up crap. This was the only reaction I got from teachers to family to Bishops. So I left in a huff and went for Goddess spirituality. Now I'm back (with a much much much better understanding of women in the Priesthood!) and I am determined not to be that type of Latter-Day Saint and I can honestly say that so many of the members in my life now are not that way. I wish I would have known them then or would have known to ask them then. My 2 best friends were also shot down like this. It's also very hard to be LDS when you have differing view points because of the clique attitude (liberal or ultra conservative or homebirthing or non circ or vegetarian, etc etc) but I cannot stress more THIS IS THE PEOPLE NOT THE GOSPEL!!!!! I know I am totally being a Debbie Downer but I wanted to answer your question truthfully with no fluff

and part 2: Do you mostly socialize with people within the walls of the church, or do you often have close friends outside the church?

Well I mostly socialize with people in the church because I have no friends. I don't really go out with church people a lot or anything or chat on the phone like friends or whatever but I do have a few church friends who I do visit and whatnot but that is only because I have no other friends. Am I making any sense here? I have friends outside of the church yes and I relate to more people outside of the church (except with lifestyle and church, of course) but because I have 3 kids my life is full of them and church so by default I am surrounded primarily by my kids and church members. Clear as mud?

It doesnt seem like, to me, that The LDS church is that much more different than any other christian church however, the whole lifestyle thing is really different. Kind of reminds me of a verse actually, "You will know them by their fruit."

The lifestyle is what intimidates me because I am so far gone from living like "Sister Sally Homemaker" but I figure if its the right thing for me, it wont be my burden anymore. kwim?

Don't think you have to be Suzy Homemaker. I am not now nor do I ever plan to be Suzy Homemaker and that does not a good or bad Mormon make.

[Bekka]

I want to answer the question about people I've known who have left the church. I think it is often the people. Also, I have known a few people whose spirituality has moved away from the core of LDS beliefs, and they moved onto other beliefs or no beliefs that aligned with what they wanted in an church or spiritual community.

[Contrariety]

Hey, mamas. I grew up LDS and I came across your chat about why people leave the church. While many overzealous members certainly didn't help me want to stay, it's things like this that had way more influence. Also, I just don't believe that it is remotely true. I'm not going to go into details out of respect for the fact that it is the faith you practice, but there are many reasons why many people have left the church that have nothing to do with the members.
In fact, DH and I lament all the time that we miss the camaraderie and sense of community that we had growing up in the church.

I just wanted to pop in and let you know that sometimes it is the church. And, as a former member, nothing grates me more than to hear from well-intentioned, practicing family members that I only left because I was offended or something of the sort. So... with ex-members, treading lightly on the topic will get you much further than assuming it's the people, not the church.

[holyhelianthus]

That's very true and thank you for coming and commenting Contrariety. I was just going off of my personal experience and those of many around me. In my life it is most often the people.

I think we use the "offended" crutch too much in the church both to explain away why people leave ("oh she was just offended" with a wave of the hand) and to excuse the behavior of jerks in the church ("Just don't chose to be offend by them"

[transformed]

Thanks for letting me crash your thread guys. :

[Isaacs_mom]

Originally Posted by KariM

LOL - I'm disciplined (at least I think I am) but our house is often messy. We homeschool and my DD1 is just a whirlwind of activity. We can't keep ahead of her on the mess.

As a recent convert to the Church I can attest to the peace that the Spirit can bring to a home. : (even when the home is messy)

As for faith relative to the home, I[I] believe that I was preordained to be a mother - that it was a role my spirit had been called to fulfill before I was born to an earthly body. I also believe that it's my sacred calling to prepare a space - a home - where my child can grow in and learn the Gospel. That necessitates some order, but more than that it creates a safe home where we can be a family and our personal spirits can grow closer to God[/I].

thanks for sharing this .. the part i bolded really stood out to me ..
and hi .. i am jenn , wife to dan 05 we were sealed in 06 , have 2 little boys . Isaac 2 1/2 yrs old and Eli 8 months old . both of us were born in the church and raised in the church .. just wanted to jump on in if that is ok

[lacysmommy]

Welcome welcome! Your son Eli has my same birthday

[holyhelianthus]

Carolyn~ How is Lacy's eczema? We are still having such issues with Mable. We FINALLY got our medical insurance all squared away so she can get to a doctor. It's less when we take her off of dairy and soy but it's still there.

transformed~ no problem!! Please come back if you'd like to talk/know more.

[lacysmommy]

Well, it's fall so the eczema's back. It hasn't gotten to the point where we have to wrap her arms because of bleeding, but I'm sure it will. I'm really considering trying a gluten-free diet after the holidays to see if it is wheat-related. I know Maria's eczema got better when she took out wheat, and there is a physician in my ward who has the exact same wheat-realted eczema problem. So I'll give it a shot. I fear that Rose is going to have severe eczema as well-- she has it a bit, but she's still nursing. Lacy's didn't get bad until after she weaned. I hate applying triamcinalone every day, but lately I feel like I don't have much choice. We do baths every other day (shoud do every day, but it doesn't work out well for us), massages with Cetaphil lotion right after, and jammies on immediately to retain the moisture, per the derm's instructions. We may have to schedule another visit soon.

[Ragpa]

!

[lacysmommy]

We have a regional Bishop's Storehouse that is attached to the cannery, which is about 45 miles away from where I live. It serves many stakes. I'm not sure where all the locations for Bishop's Storehouses are. If you need assistance with food, talk to your BP, who gives the go-ahead to the RS pres. for food assistance. She will take your order and give it to the Bishop's Storehouse. Then you will either pick it up yourself or they might drop it off. In some areas, there may not be a storehouse, in which case I believe the church can offer assistance with purchasing groceries. I'm not sure how this program works.

Where are you in Kentucky? My DH served a mission there 9 years ago.

[Ragpa]

!

[Sarah8Jane]

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

In some areas, there may not be a storehouse, in which case I believe the church can offer assistance with purchasing groceries. I'm not sure how this program works.

I'm not sure how this works either, but I do remember that as a Relief Society President, a few times my mom bought specific groceries for members and delievered them. She would then get reimbursed through the Bishop.

[brightonwoman]

Originally Posted by transformed

can you LDS women tell me something? I hope I am not stereotyping (please call me out if I am) but how does your faith govern your ability to make a home? Every LDS women/family I have ever met have been so extraordinary - well behaved, peaceful, clean homes, strong relationships, etc.

This has been covered a lot already...I just wated to add my two cents that it also has to do with understanding that the role of womanhood is divine and pre-ordained--being a stay at home mom is NOT an inferior job in any way, it's our God-given calling, and we can rejoice in it. I think when you have a positive view about something, it's easier to do better with it...also it becomes important to you, so you're more likely to work harder on it, you know?

Originally Posted by transformed

So how do you learn "order?" Do you pray about it?

Gosh, what a good questio! I had seriously never thought about that! I think more than anything it's trying a lot and practice...practice makes perfect, you know?

Originally Posted by transformed

and part 2: Do you mostly socialize with people within the walls of the church, or do you often have close friends outside the church?

Most of my friends are not LDS...I had a lot of LDS friends when I lived in Utah, just because there were so many church members there...but in terms of the majority of my life (when I've lived in other states) I've had a LOT of non-LDS friends. Most of my friends are still spiritual/religious to some degree, because the more you have in common with someone the closer you're likely to be, and my faith is really important to me...but naw, most of my friends are not LDS.

Originally Posted by Ragpa

I had a quick question for those who may know the answer. Do ALL wards/stakes have a Bishop's Storehouse?

I believe that any bishop can get you goods from a storehouse, but in some cases you might have to travel a little ways to get to one, or it might be housed in someone's spare room or at the church building or maybe they might even mail stuff to you... I don't know really how it works, I just am pretty darn sure that the church works really hard to have equal benefits available no matter where you are.

[Isaacs_mom]

FHE and toddlers or young kids ??

so since it is FHE nite .. can anyone give me some ideas how you do it with toddlers and young kids ? what books ,sites . lessons do you use ?

also scripture study ? ideas ... thanks mommas

[holyhelianthus]

I've shared this soooo many times that I am sure a lot here are tired of it. Sorry sisters!

For our little ones we did scripture jar for scripture study. We put scriptures on strips of paper starting with the scripture masteries and then adding ones we liked and friends and family liked then we put them into a jar and after dinner each kid got to shake the jar and draw a scripture that we'd then read to them. They loved it.

Now we are trying to read a chapter a night with them from the Old Testament but we might just have to go back to the jar.

[Isaacs_mom]

Originally Posted by magstphil

I've shared this soooo many times that I am sure a lot here are tired of it. Sorry sisters!

For our little ones we did scripture jar for scripture study. We put scriptures on strips of paper starting with the scripture masteries and then adding ones we liked and friends and family liked then we put them into a jar and after dinner each kid got to shake the jar and draw a scripture that we'd then read to them. They loved it.

Now we are trying to read a chapter a night with them from the Old Testament but we might just have to go back to the jar.

that is awesome .. i am so gonna make one of these thanks mags :

[KariM]

Originally Posted by transformed

Why do people end up leaving the LDS church? People you have known personally, I mean.

and part 2: Do you mostly socialize with people within the walls of the church, or do you often have close friends outside the church?


.... Kind of reminds me of a verse actually, "You will know them by their fruit."

I don't know anyone who has left the Church and I personally haven't left, so I honestly can't answer #1 for you.

For no. 2, I socialize with lots of different people. Since I'm new to the Church and live "in the mission field," (outside of traditionally Mormon areas) most of the people I associate with are *not* Church members. I tend, like most people I suppose, to associate with those who share common values with me. That can mean many different things and therefore my friends reflect those differences.

Oh, and "knowing them by their fruits" is what attracted me to the Church.

[KariM]

Originally Posted by Isaacs_mom

so since it is FHE nite .. can anyone give me some ideas how you do it with toddlers and young kids ? what books ,sites . lessons do you use ?

also scripture study ? ideas ... thanks mommas

I'm late, but we use the Primary manual. Right now we're working with Primary 2 since my DD1 is 4. You can find it online at:
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vg...100000176f620a____