Its only inside that I feel conflicted about the kids. Ivys inability to remember or know why I don't want her playing with them complicates things too, because then she sees me as taking something away from her rather than protecting her. And saying it once doesn't make it happen either. When I do let her back outside to play, I'll have to constantly take her away from those children over and over again. She is like an 8 month old baby and a light socket at times. I do it, but its far from easy.
Ivy is my main concern. Feeling conflicted about the other kids doesn't come before her. I told Ivy that the woman is a very angry woman and although I don't know why she's so mad, I do know that she can't talk to people that way. Its not right. And that I want her to stay away from that woman and those kids because they are not nice people.
I saw the woman yesterday. She was sitting outside smoking with the teenagers on the bench when I went to the bus stop to pick up the kids. I took my husband with me just in case she decided to start trouble. She didn't.
I spoke with yet another person in the neighborhood and they said they had an issue with her about a week ago. His 9 year old son was playing football with another boy, and the womans nephew (remember she's the aunt not the mother) ran by and grabbed the ball and started running. Our friends son asked for the ball back please and he kept running. Auntie was encouraging him to run away faster and laughing. Eventually our friends son had to run after him and tackle him to get the ball back. No one was hurt. Auntie however wasn't happy. She ran over and started screaming at our friends son and telling him never to do that again, and that if he touched the boy again she would kick his a$$ and beat the @#it out of him.
It would appear she has anger issues. You all are right. Not my responsibility. If she treats strangers this way I'm sure she treats those kids great.
Four of us in the neighborhood are filing complaints with the management company about her. The kicker? She isn't supposed to be here because she's not on the lease. They have her living here illegally, so perhaps it'll be easier to get her out.
During the week, Ivy is in school all day and then she has dance class in the afternoons, and then she stays inside afterwards. After socializing all day in school, she wants nothing to do with socializing at home with the neighborhood kids.
I know its not Ivy that is doing any of this. She has had ZERO behavioral issues in school at all. And she goes to full day K. Two months of good behavior, her communication book is full of praise. Suddenly she tries to play outside here at home, and she's accused of pulling hair, spitting, hitting, screaming, etc... which says to me that other kids are antagonizing and since there are no parents watching them, it escalates. For the most part, the other kids in the neighborhood know to come to me if there is an issue. I can see her from the window when I do let her go out to play, and she isn't allowed to go inside peoples houses unless she asks me first. (and my rule has been for months now, DON'T even ask me to go to that girls house because the answer is NO. That won't change. I have told her that its not safe inside her house because there are no parents watching them.)
Basically, the only days she wants to play outside are Sat and Sunday. I will have to figure out a way for her to get outdoor time without her being around that woman and her family.
Thank you all for your replies. No one was too harsh. I'm not overly concerned about their family. I am overly critical of my part in fights, thats what the issue is. I overanalyze what happened because I'm very confused, and sometimes that can look like I care more about their feelings. Really I don't care about them at all.
I did write to Ivys teacher and let her know very very briefly that an adult neighbor called her derogatory names the other day, and that she was very upset by it. I like to keep that communication open so that if Ivy wants to talk to someone about it she can and they won't be all confused by what she says.
to everyone that was bullied as a child. I was too, I know how much it can stay with you. I really really don't want that for Ivy. Its just so hard when she's screaming and crying that she WANTS to play with these kids, and she doesn't appear to even have the ability to KNOW that mean is MEAN.. and just because they smile at her doesn't mean they won't be mean again. The on again off again thing is heartbreaking. "Ivy wanna play?" 2 minutes later, "I HATE YOU! I'm not your friend anymore!" and Ivy is in tears. Maybe its normal kid behavior? I don't even know whats normal anymore.. bah...