My little boy peed his pants in front of the class

[Ahappymel]

My heart is breaking this afternoon.
My little boy has been working on his first oral presentation for the last couple of weeks (on an ancestral land). We have practiced it over and over...we made a doll to represent the land. It's kind of a big deal, being the first project of this kind for him. He is 7 yrs old, a 2nd grader.
Today was his day to present. I got a call from the school this afternoon asking me to come pick him up.
The story goes that he was doing his presentation in front of his class and peed his pants
I asked him if the kids noticed since he is wearing a longer sweatshirt and he said, "Yes Mommy...it was on the carpet too". He is so incredibly sad and embarassed. He is not saying much...just looking really glum with some tears running down his cheeks.
He doesn't want to go to school tomorrow.
I already called and left a message with his teacher at home...I'll talk to her tonight about her perspective and how to handle this.
I told his dad that today is one of those days where you would trade with your kid in a heartbeat...and he said, "I know, my heart is breaking too".
I feel soooooo bad for my little boy.
Any ideas/suggestions of how to help? I am also worried that the kids will tease him.
Thanks-Mel.

[`guest`]

First acknowledge his feelings,of course...then don't make a big deal about it, like it happens, yknow? The more you show your stress, the more he will pick up on it. Just listen, empathy, etc, then let it go.

Poor little guy!

[Ahappymel]

His dad and I both reassured him that accidents do happen...I have even had them happen as an adult.
I guess I would like to take it away for him...and can't do that.
How should he handle any comments from the other kids?

[Magella]

Oh, the poor guy!!

I have no advice, but I know how heartbroken you feel. Also, I wouldn't assume that the kids will tease him. They might not. But I know you want him to be prepared in case they do. I would too.

[Eaglevoice]

Unfortunately, the comments will come. Kids are so mean. I don't know what I would tell my dc to say to the other kids when they say mean things to him. I guess I would just remind him that it is completely normal and that he just needs to ignore any mean things that other kids say to him. As hard as it may be for him to ignore it. Just tell him not to let anything they say get under his skin. If he acts like it doesn't bother him that they are saying those things, then it's not so much fun to make fun of him, and they will stop.

[Ahappymel]

Thanks for the empathy : )
You know, I did not voice my fear to him...he voiced his to me. He doesn't want to go to school tomorrow and face the kids because he is afraid they will laugh at him.
I told him that I hear that he feels embarassed and sad and even a little scared.....but that it will absolutely pass. Memories fade.

[superstella]

Aw that is tough. It depends on his personality how I'd tell him to handle remarks. My 8yo, for example, would easily be able to joke about it and laugh it off. My dd (at that age) would have been mortified and probably would have burst into tears if anyone mentioned it. My 4yo would probably want to beat them all up. So my advice to any of them would have to depend on the personality of the child. Is your ds one that can make a joke about it and laugh at the situation? There's a good chance that no one will say anything at that age, but there is an equally good chance that someone will and it probably is better to prepare him for that possibility and let him practice ways to respond just in case. Plus that will help alleviate some of his anxiety about going back to school.

[lotusdebi]

I'd probably let me kid skip school the next day. Hopefully, a day between the incident and him returning to class will be enough to mostly erase the incident from the memories of the other students.
to him.

[Ahappymel]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

I'd probably let me kid skip school the next day. Hopefully, a day between the incident and him returning to class will be enough to mostly erase the incident from the memories of the other students.
to him.

Really? Should I give him a day at home? That's what he asked to do and I told him that it would seemingly make it worse (his absence would create more buzz/speculation). I told him it was better just to face the music and get it over with.
But if it is in his best interest to keep him home, I will do that.....

[IndigoRayne]

Ah the poor kid, I would let him have a day off. It may give him a chance to regroup emotionally.

[PattyCakes_726]

I'd let him stay home tomorrow.

[Limabean1975]

When I was the same age as your son, I wet my pants when a supply teacher was ignoring my raised hand to ask to go to the bathroom. I remember the mortification. Worse, instead of sending me home they found me a pair of pants in the Lost and Found that a boy in my class ended up recognizing as his sister's, thus drawing more attention to me.
But, I remember clearly - just that boy and one or two others right at the time made a comment/ laughed...then after that day they all seemed to forget about it....umm, until high school when someone brought it up, but I was able to laugh it off then!

[thisiswhatwedo]

let him stay at home but don't focus on why, let him talk about it if he likes and maybe help him come up with a plan to get back to school. Do something positive and memorable to help him counter balance the bad memory, like going to the zoo or something special. I have no idea how your son will handle it but as a former pee-er (everywhere and always traumatic)I almost started crying when I read this.
I think the best thing I could have hoped for back then was my mom talking to me about it and helping me work through the anxiety and helping me come up with a plan. My mom was nice about it and never made a big deal about it but I guess talking about it would be a plus.

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by Ahappymel

Really? Should I give him a day at home? That's what he asked to do and I told him that it would seemingly make it worse (his absence would create more buzz/speculation). I told him it was better just to face the music and get it over with.
But if it is in his best interest to keep him home, I will do that.....

From what I remember of 2nd grade, I don't think that keeping him home will create more speculation. When his absence is first noticed, someone might say something, but that would be at the start of the day. By the end of the day, so much will have happened that no one will be thinking of him or the incident. Between classwork and recess, discussions and other classroom incidents, what happened to your son will end up being mostly forgotten. I think the buzz/ speculation is something to worry about more in middle school than now.
But, that's just from what I remember from school. I may be wrong. It has been a while!

[lindberg99]

I remember a boy in my class peeing in his pants in front of the class, it must have been 2nd or 3rd grade. I really don't remember anyone making a big deal out of it. We all felt embarrassed for him but nobody said anything mean or made fun of him. At least that I remember so even if they did, it must not have been a big deal.

I hope your little guy feels better in the morning. I don't know what I'd do about keeping him home. I can see your point that if he stays home, it might just turn it into a bigger deal. Good luck deciding what to do.

[mamazee]

I think keeping him home for a day is a good idea. Tomorrow something else interesting will happen and by the day after most people will probably have forgotten.

I suppose he's too young and not the right gender for a story about menstrual blood leaking through clothes in front of class to help. I can't be the only one who went through that!

to him!

[pixie-n-hertwoboys]

I couldn't read and not post. Ah memories.... this happened to me many a times in school (weak bladder) The strongest memory I had was in gym class the teacher wouldn't let me use the bathroom, so I sat. When she told me to get up I did and it all came out, all over the floor around me too. Imagine the sound of pee tinkle on a gym floor. I walked with my back to the wall in line and told my regular teacher who immediately gave me her sweater around my waist and walked me to the nurses station. ugh. so there I sit with nothing on my bottom (besides teachers sweater) while they put my pants and undies over the heater - lunch was out and kids kept walking by looking and saying oooooh whats that smell. my mom came eventually brought me purple undies and white pants - which was better than the other option.... a warmed up pee soaked sweat pant. No one said anything except one girl who was a meany-head anyway. BTW, the teacher was a student one and she was sent away after that (well, after my mom came and had mighty strong words for her)

I guess what I want to say is continue what you are doing to help him. Follow his leads in how he feels going back. Does he get along with most of his class?

We all survive pee accidents. Heck I had one today LOL after sneezing 15 times my pelvic muscles couldn't take it anymore!

[snowyowl]

I can't believe I'm talking about this in a public forum but the same thing happened to me. Not when I was a little kid, though. It happened when I was 14.

Please tell your ds that accidents happen and reassure him that while he might remember this for a long time, everyone else will forget soon. And, if it helps at all, tell him there is someone out there who knows exactly how he feels and it all turned out okay for me. I felt like I would never be able to get up in front of a room full of people again and now I do it every day.

[jaxinsmom]

couldn't read and not post

I have nothing to add since I've never experienced anything like this, but I think you've gotten a lot of great advice already. My heart goes out to you and your little guy...I hope he's able to laugh it off or put it behind him and enjoy going to school.

[AnalogWife]

I feel very much for your DS and think going back tomorrow is the best solution, everyone will forget about it sooner if he holds his head up.