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My little boy peed his pants in front of the class - Page 2

post #21 of 45
I'm sorry for your little guy. I too would let him stay home for one day, if nothing else to collect himself. I know he has to be sooo nervous to go back to school. I have an 8 year old lovely nephew and I know (as I was also a teacher and a former kid ) how cruel kids can be to each other. I would definitely remind him of how we sometimes have embarrassing moments, and maybe share one of yours. Remind him that you admire his hard work and the courage it took to get up in front of the class. I would arm him with at least a one liner such as... "I'm sorry you feel that way... or It's a shame you feel that way"... when kids say things to him. Other than that I'd let him know that eventually they'll have something else or unfortunately someone else to be the focus of their jest. I really am sorry for us as children and our children in having to experience these types of things. I wish the world was more understanding in these situations.
post #22 of 45
I don't think I'd have him stay home - I think that would make a bigger deal out of this, for him, if not for his classmates. I'd comfort him, and empathize with his not wanting to go, and let him talk about his fears and what he might do if x happened or y happened, but letting him stay home for a day would just seem to me to give him another whole day to worry about it instead of moving on. And while he MIGHT get teased, I think it's also just as likely that he might not. I really think that in my daughter's second grade class, the kids probably wouldn't tease - they seem in general like pretty nice and decent kids, who would in general feel bad for him and want to help him feel better. I might ask the teacher, when you speak with her though, what she thinks, since she knows his classmates - if she thinks they're unlikely to tease him, I'd tell him that, and worry less, and if she thinks that some kids might, then I'd ask her how she would be able to help him, and how she'd put a stop to that.

But I don't at all see how staying home tomorrow makes anything better.
post #23 of 45
Thread Starter 
I want to say thank you for so much love and support on this issue.
I talked to his teacher this evening and she told me the full story. Evidently, he was already finished with his presentation and went back to his seat. The next student who went up noticed the puddle on the floor. They were trying to figure out how the floor got wet and then the teacher said she put two and two together. Then she asked my boy (in front of everyone) if he was feeling okay. And...bless his honest heart...he came clean in front of everyone and said, "I wet my pants".
She then told him that next time, if he has a pressing need, he can always interrupt and go use the bathroom. Then she sent him to the office and they called me.
He seems good this evening. It's been really low-key. I'm letting him lay low. We went out to eat at a favorite restaurant which is a nice change.
His dad gave him a pep talk and he seems okay with going back to tomorrow...especially after I told him what his teacher said about his presentation...It was the best one in the whole class!
She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
So I'm going to play it by ear...if he seems stressed about going in the morning, I will keep him home. If he seems nonchalant, then I will be too.
I guess I was really worried because my sister was a bed-wetter and had accidents until she was an adolescent. It was horrible for her.
post #24 of 45
Can't believe I'm "saying this out load" but, anyways...

I was mortified in second grade when I peed on the floor in the middle of the room. And I was so embarrassed I just sat back down and didn't fess up, even when the teacher had to call the custodian in to mop it up. I sat there for 30 mintues or so until the end of school, rode the bus home, and sobbed to my big sister. ... Who waited for me to calm down and told me it happened to her, too, in second grade.

There's some science to the idea that a kid's bladder doesn't always grow at the same rate as the rest of the body, so if he just went through a growth spurt, and add the pressure of his first big project, AND speaking in frno of the class, and it's totally understandable.

My sister said when it happened to her that she was in front of the class and everyone noticed. Her bet friend came up to her the next morning before school and told her she had already threatened to beat up anyone who said anything, and that they should all just be happy it didn't happen to them.

Maybe try to give him some things to say like "Just be glad it didn't happen to you!" or "Be glad I didn't get any on ya!"
post #25 of 45
nak

poor little guy!!! i totally know what you mean that you would take his pain on in a heartbeat if you could. that's mama-love.

in any case, i don't think i'd let him stay home tomorrow because then he's just going to think about it all day tomorrow and it will be that much worse going back the next day.

i think i'd talk a lot first about that everybody has accidents/makes mistakes.... what is most important is how you deal with the accident/mistake afterwards. and, i'd not make a big deal out of it (which it sounds like you're doing great at). if you let him stay home tomorrow, i think it's kind of like admitting that it's a big deal that he ought to want to hide from.

to you and him.
post #26 of 45
His teacher and his classmates sound wonderful. I would really encourage him to go back, especially now given that, since you can say with some confidence that they are not going to tease him, and remind him how kind they were, and how they said they'd done the same thing (or tell him the teacher said they were saying those things, if it was after he left).

I'm glad he seems to be feeling better about it, and hope he continues to feel fine in the morning.
post #27 of 45
Poor guy! I've been there before, I did that in 3rd grade and was mortified. I was extremely shy(almost painfully shy) as it was, and also a bit different from everyone else, so I got teased lots. I actually cried in front of the class after it happened, and also was (cruelly) shamed by the teacher in front of the class after it happened. I was taken out of school because I was so tortured, and then went to the same high school as all those students, who remembered me and still teased me a bit, but it quickly passed, because by then I was super cool! He sounds like he will be fine, he doesn't seem as withdrawn I was, and his classmates and teachers seem much better.
post #28 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahappymel View Post
She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
Oh my gosh, that's so sweet. He's gonna be okay!
post #29 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahappymel View Post
She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
: That's so sweet! This has been our experience of kids up to now, too. Mostly very caring and empathetic. 2nd grade is still young.

I hope your son has a good day today, whether he's home or at school.
post #30 of 45


I would let him take a day off.
post #31 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahappymel View Post
I want to say thank you for so much love and support on this issue.
I talked to his teacher this evening and she told me the full story. Evidently, he was already finished with his presentation and went back to his seat. The next student who went up noticed the puddle on the floor. They were trying to figure out how the floor got wet and then the teacher said she put two and two together. Then she asked my boy (in front of everyone) if he was feeling okay. And...bless his honest heart...he came clean in front of everyone and said, "I wet my pants".
She then told him that next time, if he has a pressing need, he can always interrupt and go use the bathroom. Then she sent him to the office and they called me.
He seems good this evening. It's been really low-key. I'm letting him lay low. We went out to eat at a favorite restaurant which is a nice change.
His dad gave him a pep talk and he seems okay with going back to tomorrow...especially after I told him what his teacher said about his presentation...It was the best one in the whole class!
She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
So I'm going to play it by ear...if he seems stressed about going in the morning, I will keep him home. If he seems nonchalant, then I will be too.
I guess I was really worried because my sister was a bed-wetter and had accidents until she was an adolescent. It was horrible for her.
Sounds like he's gonna be just fine. That's great. I'm glad his classmates are generally empathetic. I taught 7/8 grade. I wonder when they lose that??? Another topic altogether. Anyway... I had a feeling his presentation was the class best. I saw the topic and wanted to hear it myself.
post #32 of 45
This happened to me in 1st grade in the library. To make things worse the "spare pair" I was given to wear until my mother could pick me up were a pair of [I]boys[I] underwear that were too big so they had to pin them so they would stay up. A couple of the boys did laugh at me, but then that was it. I feel for your little one.

I don't know if I would let him stay home - it may cause more attention to be drawn to him. At the same time, my 7 yr old DS is very sensitive and I would probably break down and let him stay home. On a somewhat positive note - he probably will not be the only child this year to have this happen to him, and children can have short attention spans - something else will probably happen tomorrow to someone else.

Hugs.:
post #33 of 45
OMG! How awful!

My dd threw up in front of a bunch of kids in second grade, and nine years later, she's still traumatized.

I wish I could trade places with him too!!!
post #34 of 45
Aw, poor guy. That's so great that the classmates were understanding instead of mean. How's he doing today? Did he go to school?
post #35 of 45
Thread Starter 
Hi all,
Yes, I did send him to school yesterday...only because he seemed okay with it. As we arrived at the school, he said he felt nervous but we took a few minutes to talk about how he was feeling and why. Then we rehearsed some replies he might say if anyone brought it up...mainly to the tune of, "Hey EVERYONE has accidents. Haven't you ever had a pee, poop, throw-up, breaking something, falling down accident?"
Only one of his friends made reference to it and he stood up from himself saying, "It's mean to make fun of someone's accident". That was the end of it.
Unfornately, this morning he woke me up because he had wet the bed...he was lamenting, "Oh no! I did it again." I told him it was okay...but that I think we should maybe visit a doctor (maybe a naturopath?) just to be sure that there isn't something wrong.
His teacher made him student of the week (that's something they regularly do) and he got to stand up in front of the class and give some fun facts about himself. That went well : )
He has been a little aggressive since the main incident but I suppose he's processing it in the way he knows how. We are all being a little extra tender with him.
post #36 of 45
Yes, it would probably be a good idea to see a doctor just to be safe. When I was just a little older than him, I wet the bed and also peed in school. I was diagnosed with type I diabetes a couple months later (after my parents tried everything, I got really ill and lost tons of weight, etc.).

It could be a lot of things, including diabetes or even just a urinary tract infection (not as likely in a boy than a girl, but still possible).

Anyway, like many of the folks on this board, I too have my own story from peeing my pants in elementary school (besides the getting diagnosed with diabetes incident). When I was in the 5th grade I was taking a test that was going to last through the whole 50 minute class I was in. I started feeling like I had to go about ten or fifteen minutes into the test. I asked to go, and my teacher turned down my request and said I had to finish my test first. I went back to my desk and tried, but of course the more and more I had to go, the less and less I could concentrate. I went back again, and the teacher yelled at me and told me I absolutely *had* to finish the test first. Of course by this point I couldn't concentrate at all, but not wanting to fail, I just sat there trying to figure out what the answers were. Eventually class was over and all the other kids went to the computer lab, but I was still sitting there. The teacher actually made me stay and finish the test, and finally after sitting there alone for ten or fifteen more minutes, I just turned in my test, telling her I had done all I could (I had only answered about half the questions, most in haste just trying to finish). I sprinted out of the classroom and ran-- against the rules-- down the hall to the bathroom. Just as I was opening the heavy bathroom door, I lost it. Pee trickled down my leg, and I felt my pants become wet. I dashed in, but it was too late.

I tried my best to dry off my pants with papertowels. Then I took my sweater off and tied it around my waste, and headed to computer lab. I was far too ashamed to tell anyone, though I was mortified when I got home and my older sisters told me they could smell it and that others must have known. Why my computer lab teacher didn't notice and/or intervene, I am not sure.

In any case, I am actually glad your son went to school. I think if he had taken a day off on account of it, he would have had more time to sort of work it up bigger in his mind and imagine fearful things happening when he returned. When my sister hacked all my hair off in a total botch job of a haircut around 5th or 6th grade, my dad forced me to go back to school the next day even when I said I felt sick (he said, rightfully so, that I was sick from anxiety, and that it wasn't going to get easier). My teacher let me wear a hat even though hats were against the rule, and eventually my beloved gym teacher coaxed me to take it off. I was terrified, but pushing through those fears helped me realize that I'd worked them up to be bigger in my mind than they actually were. Sure I got a few comments, but then they were over and done with and the kids moved on to all the other stuff going on.

To this day I have to remind myself that things are always worse when I stress about them in my mind than when they actually happen.

It sounds like the kids were super sweet about it, and that with the one kid who wasn't, like your son handled it BRILLIANTLY. Good for him!
post #37 of 45
Thread Starter 
Oh God. I didn't think of Diabetes. I am not diabetic but my mother died at 56 years of age after 35 years of the disease. My grandma and uncles had it too.
It was awful...all of them had heart disease, kidney failure, blindness, amputations.
I've got to rule that out.
post #38 of 45
when i first read your initial post, i cried! i felt so awful for your son and I wanted to take his embarassment away! lol i'm glad that he is feeling a little better about the situation and that the kids didn't give him a real hard time.

it sucks when we can't save them all the time, eh?
post #39 of 45
Glad it turned out well (as far as it's going so far). Your DS sounds quite resilient.

And as soon as I read diabetes, I remembered the girl in school who had accidents was the one who had diabetes.

I'm sure everything is fine, but it's best that you're looking into it.
post #40 of 45
I'd rule out urinary tract infection first.

This happened to a boy at my daughters' school. I took him some new clothes we have in a locker for accidents like this or messy art or spilled lunch or whatever. (They were off site for PE.) Of course kids knew. When they got back, the teacher told them accidents happen to everyone, and that anyone teasing him would be in serious trouble. It was never spoken of again.

I hope your doctor appt goes well, and it is all soon forgotten.
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