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Do you let your child sip alcohol? - Page 7

post #121 of 213
No way and I also wouldn't let her smoke or do drugs. They will always be forbidden fruit as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not getting the logic in some of these posts. Would you also allow them to smoke or do drugs just b/c they ask?

Plus, if your child is in public school, do you really want them going around stating that mommy lets them drink beer and wine at home?
post #122 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post
I would give her cheap alcohol because it tastes bad and I would rather she think it tastes so bad and she doesn't want to get hooked on it than that she think it tastes so good she wants it all the time. I am also okay with not being totally honest about some things, my mother wasn't totally honest with me about some things but I came to understand why when I became a mother and I think she will to. I also think that addiction is a big thing and I would never forgive myself if I gave her alcohol and she turned out to like it so I would go out of my way to get stuff that isn't going to taste that great, not that any of it really does anyways.
That would prob. work through high school, I think. What happens when kids are drinking in college and someone hands her something that tastes great? I want my child saying "BTDT, I'll take a sip/just have one/nah, I'm driving tonight, I'll have some tomorrow", rather than "OMG, not all alcohol tastes like that motor oil mom gave me. I wonder what HER drink tastes like? What about that one?"

I understand that most people (not all) have at least one bad night with alcohol. We're human, and we tend to want good things to excess. I want to be the one holding back my DS's hair as he realizes into the toilet that it's not a good idea - not some strange kid his freshman year of college who I don't know he can trust.

I don't think alcohol and cigarettes/drugs are the same thing at all. That's a different thread, though, and I'm so not starting the MJ argument here.

My children will ALWAYS drink wine in our house unless they tell me they prefer grape juice - in which case, I'll buy it specially for them. It's part of our religion, and I fully expect them to go around talking about it. I also expect them to brag to their friends that they don't have to go to the doctor and get shots. We're not afraid of being different.
post #123 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post
I would give her cheap alcohol because it tastes bad and I would rather she think it tastes so bad and she doesn't want to get hooked on it than that she think it tastes so good she wants it all the time.
I don't really get this, either. Sooner or later your kid is going to discover that alcohol doesn't all taste nasty. She'll be a teenager at a party where someone gives her a yummy margarita or a nice glass of wine or champagne or some sweet Manischewitz at a friend's Seder. And how will your tricky strategy look to her then? She may wonder what else you've been lying about.

Just because someone thinks something tastes good does not mean they will a)want it all the time or b)get hooked on it. I don't think it's possible for little kids getting occasional sips of wine to get hooked on alcohol.

I can respect the decision not to allow a child to taste alcoholic drinks. But the strategy you're planning to use seems like a recipe for undermining trust between parent and child.
post #124 of 213
My kids (teens) are free to drink alcohol at home. No big deal for us.
post #125 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I don't really get this, either. Sooner or later your kid is going to discover that alcohol doesn't all taste nasty. She'll be a teenager at a party where someone gives her a yummy margarita or a nice glass of wine or champagne or some sweet Manischewitz at a friend's Seder. And how will your tricky strategy look to her then? She may wonder what else you've been lying about.

Just because someone thinks something tastes good does not mean they will a)want it all the time or b)get hooked on it. I don't think it's possible for little kids getting occasional sips of wine to get hooked on alcohol.

I can respect the decision not to allow a child to taste alcoholic drinks. But the strategy you're planning to use seems like a recipe for undermining trust between parent and child.
Yes to all that.
post #126 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I don't really get this, either. Sooner or later your kid is going to discover that alcohol doesn't all taste nasty. She'll be a teenager at a party where someone gives her a yummy margarita or a nice glass of wine or champagne or some sweet Manischewitz at a friend's Seder. And how will your tricky strategy look to her then? She may wonder what else you've been lying about.
Yeah, that.
I would never lie to my kids about anything. Trust is so important for us.
post #127 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixiekisses View Post
Yeah, that.
I would never lie to my kids about anything. Trust is so important for us.
Then whatever our differences, I think you're going about it the right way.

It's the deception and propaganda that surrounds stuff like this that I hate. It's perfectly acceptable to say "they may do X, Y, and Z elsewhere, but that's not acceptable in our family."

ETA: I do that about a LOT of stuff that all of you guys think is fine. And stuff that I think is fine for others to do. We don't do Christian holidays. It's fine for grandma, fine for your friends, but not in our house. And I recognize that when he's old enough to understand what they are and what they mean (not just "but mom, they get PRESENTS!!!") he can make the decision for himself.
post #128 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbbinsc View Post
Just curious what mom's of teens think. We are a non-alcohol and non -smoking family, so not an issue. But I have a niece who had a serious problem in High School. SHe was exposed to both at early age.
As I stated before, both of mine have had wine at Communion since they were wee ones and have also tasted wine & beer at home. I have a glass of wine with dinner most nights. Neither of them are interested in drinking or smoking. Or doing any sort of drugs.

I work late a couple of nights a week and have no concerns about leaving a bottle of wine (open or not) in the fridge or the pantry. They've yet to show themselves to be irresponsible.
post #129 of 213
Wow, wide range of differences here. My girls are 1 and 2 and never had pop let alone alcohol. Dh and I agree, 21 is the legal age and until then no way, nope, not at all under any circumstances. I don't believe in giving them some at home even when they are teens, just doesn't go along with my parenting style, but that is just me. We are not drinkers anyway, maybe one glass of wine per month.
post #130 of 213
Having sips a few times a week at age 5 … NO WAY.

I think the argument that to not allow it gives the impression that it is forbidden is crazy. I would address any discussions about alcohol the same as I would any about sex, smoking, or drugs for example. Some activities are for grown ups for various reasons.

I also think there is plenty of time after the legal age to develop their palette …
post #131 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by h & j's mom View Post
i also think there is plenty of time after the legal age to develop their palette …
ita.
post #132 of 213
I am torn on this issue, because I see both sides. We have a lot of alcohol problems in our family, but I did let my children have a sip once in a great while when they were young. I also don't think it would have hurt not to have any, meaning I don't think it would have made any difference now they are adults. The culture thing cracks me up though - french women also smoke a lot to keep thin, does that mean it is okay? :-)
post #133 of 213
All right, I have read all of these responses and I just gotta say: addiction isn't about the substance itself. Do really think heroin addicts really LIKE the stuff and thats why they do it everyday? No. Its usually an issue within the chemical responses of the addict's brain. The same goes for alcoholism. Its not the alcohol itself that is the problem, its the person who's brain is telling them they "need" it to survive. A couple of sips off of Momma's beer or wine isn't going to cause alcoholism. I think modeling responsible drinking is more of an effective way to prevent bad decision making among teens and kids then banning it from your child's presence. JMHO.
post #134 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post
Also had the occasional small glass of wine or beer when pregnant. No regrets.
You can add me to that list too. Even my american dr said that after the 1st tri, an occasional glass was no big deal.
post #135 of 213
I grew up in Europe so I can agree that it is good not to make it a forbidden fruit. But 5 years is really too young. And B.T.W. in Europe kids are starting to drink earlier and earlier and it is becoming a problem. Research has shown that early introduction is indeed related to alcoholism later in life.
I am not worried about a very small amount of alcohol, orange juice also contains alcohol if you let it sit for a while. But there is nothing wrong with kids learning that alcohol is something you need to respect and be careful with. And at 5 years old they are not ready for that responsibility IMO.

Carma
post #136 of 213
My son, who is 4.5, has the odd lick of beer foam off a finger and once had a drop of beer in a large glass of water at a dinner party. We model responsible drinking behaviour in that we do not drink to excess, do not drive if we've had a drink. I don't think children should regularly have alcohol but I do think it's okay to introduce it to them in a social setting in a very watered down fashion and I think it is very necessary to talk to your children from a young age onward about substances that are legal but altering, such as alcohol, so that they can make responsible and educated choices. Children in elementary schools are sneaking alcohol and I believe it's important to educate kids early about why it's something that is reserved primarily for adults (ie. can impact development, impair judgment, etc.).
post #137 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckula View Post
All right, I have read all of these responses and I just gotta say: addiction isn't about the substance itself. Do really think heroin addicts really LIKE the stuff and thats why they do it everyday? No. Its usually an issue within the chemical responses of the addict's brain. The same goes for alcoholism. Its not the alcohol itself that is the problem, its the person who's brain is telling them they "need" it to survive. A couple of sips off of Momma's beer or wine isn't going to cause alcoholism. I think modeling responsible drinking is more of an effective way to prevent bad decision making among teens and kids then banning it from your child's presence. JMHO.
:

Also, alcohol does not have the same addictive chemicals that drugs and cigarettes do. I mean, a person that experiments with heroin is very likely to become addicted. It changes the neurons in the brain with just one use. Nocotine does very similar things. Alcohol does not or you would have a world of addicts. You just can't compare them in the same manner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dido1 View Post
My son, who is 4.5, has the odd lick of beer foam off a finger and once had a drop of beer in a large glass of water at a dinner party. We model responsible drinking behaviour in that we do not drink to excess, do not drive if we've had a drink. I don't think children should regularly have alcohol but I do think it's okay to introduce it to them in a social setting in a very watered down fashion and I think it is very necessary to talk to your children from a young age onward about substances that are legal but altering, such as alcohol, so that they can make responsible and educated choices. Children in elementary schools are sneaking alcohol and I believe it's important to educate kids early about why it's something that is reserved primarily for adults (ie. can impact development, impair judgment, etc.).
ITA with this, too. That is why the only time we have really allowed my DSD to try it was when we were in Napa learning about it. We also have modeled responsible drinking. We have many conversations about responsible drinking including not drinking and driving. This comes up when we go out to dinner, and DH and I decide who will be driving home and therefore not drinking. Honesty has also been a major part in all of this with our children.

Overall, I think there is so much more to alcohol addiction than any of this is addressing. It can be a combination of genetics, life experience, circumstance, etc. that all adds up to a person having an addiction. It just is not as simple as saying, "Oh, he is an alcoholic because of the time(s) he was allowed to try a sip of his mom's beer.". kwim
post #138 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by organicmommy05 View Post
I'm not getting the logic in some of these posts. Would you also allow them to smoke or do drugs just b/c they ask?
Well, when I was 16 and curious about drugs, my family took a trip to Amsterdam with me. Fun times had by all.

Alcoholism runs in my dad's side of the family. I think everyone has succombed to it over there.

However, I'm 25 - don't ever drink or do drugs.

So, it's really very individual. Alcohol around family and fun Amsterdam family trips didn't make me into an addict.
post #139 of 213
Regarding the smoking or drugs thing...

I think the very best we can do is talk about the real dangers vs the hyped up DARE "if you ever drink or smoke pot you WILL die for sure" crap. Real conversation. My Dh smokes cigarrettes but he'd like to stop. He's been very honest about how hard it's been to do that. We are not opposed to some pot smoking. We are clear about how different substances affect different people, risks given where you are and who you are with when you do them, legality and consequences, etc.
post #140 of 213
my dad is Italian and allowed us little sips of beer on occasion. not a few times a week, maybe once every few months. and we did have Sambuca in our espresso when we were adolescents. I don't think that's a big deal and while I wouldn't encourage it, I wouldn't freak out if my dd happened to try a sip out of one of our drinks very rarely. I don't think there are any far reaching implications of that. we weren't usually (exception for champagne at weddings as a teen) allowed an entire glass of anything until we were over 21 in our parent's presence. my sister doesn't drink any alcohol and while I did have a binge drinking phase in my teens I am very certain it was totally unrelated to those little tastes.
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