Kin caring for 10 yr old

[CATPAT30]

Okay so I have been distracted with our home study and other stuff lately and well i forgot where I put my passwords but I am back!

We have completed most of our home study to adopt older kids (2-6 yr olds sibling group preferred) we just need to have fire inspection of our house and we're done! then we just wait for a match... well we hope

In the mean time a couple friend of ours has 5 kids (2 his, 2 hers 1 theirs) and they have been having problems , minor ones, they have been married 2 years, (removed mental health details not necessary), theirs is a 10month old. so lots of stress in that house. (but we love them just the same we don;t know that we would be doing any better then them right now if we were in their shoes)

He is 10 yr old and apparently has ADD, OCD and nystagmus. He is on Meds, has been since he was preschooler (he was in foster care for 2 years along with his sister before his dad proved he could have them, they were taken from BMother):

Any ways he was taken into care on Friday supper time, we spent whole weekend trying to get ahold of someone so he could be moved to us for care. But since our Home study was not Approved yet they could not just move him before going to court.. So today we are going to court.

They are wanting him back but understand that might not be possible right now, they were kind of discussing him going into care for 6 months anyways for psychological testing. (actually it is that he is on a waiting list to see Child Psychologist) So the better option would be for him to live with us in the mean time. Since we are not approved as Foster parents yet we would get him as Kin Care, but part of me thinks that it might be worth it to go and ask to be foster parent and then say we can only handle one at a time so we can get more financial assistance. Kin care can go to welfare office to get 170$ Foster parents get closer to 750$ according to one kin care site in my Province.

We are worried that if this goes too much longer than 6 months that we might delay us adopting our own kids indefinitely (we do still want kids of our own through adoption)

So i am just putting this out there as an update and question: how to best deal with his condidtion? We cannot neccessarily take him off the drugs, he is in care and we have to follow their rules, plus because he has been on them so long and there is a family history of mental illness the drugs seem to be helping alot. I know that there is alot of pain and resentment towards women because of the way his Bmom treats him (she gets supervised visits but if she goes she makes a point of showing him she loves his sister more than him)

We love this kid, and he is very important to us. We love the family too and want them all to succeed as one big family unit soon.

[CATPAT30]

he's a bed wetter! at 10 ! everynight.

Okay so the good news is i found this out yesterday and not the morning after his first night with us! and his parents will give us his stuff, plastic sheets and tons of clothes.

Only when he sleeps he does this but almost every time he sleeps - for example if he falls asleep in the car - well just don;t let him fall asleep in the car basically.

I am going to see about getting or making pads for the bed to help absorb the mess like the ones they use in nursing homes.

I will be taking him to Dr. to see if there is anything medically (getting second opinion parents say dr says he is normal)

I don't like the idea of pull ups especially since they say that he pees through them so what's the point.

of course DH and I discussed it and he said "of course i would not be mad at him or punish him if he does it" so that is a non issue for us.

[queenjane]

My son was still wetting the bed every night at age 10, sometimes if he fell asleep in the car or on the couch, as well. He wore Goodnights (those are for bigger kids....might want to try them), sometimes they would soak through but not every night.

He's now almost 12, and has been dry for several months now. Kids really do outgrow this, its not a big deal. Its a pain, but normal for boys, especially, to wet the bed fairly "late". Sure, there is a drug the dr can give him, but i personally wasnt comfortable giving my child a drug for something that was essentially an inconvenience. And if there is a family history of bedwetting (did his mom or dad wet the bed?), then thats even a better indication for just giving it time. I always just made sure my son let me know if the bed was wet so i could take off and wash the sheets and put a fan on the mattress to dry it out.


Katherine

[xekomaya]

If you'll forgive my intrusion, I was just reading around MDC..

I know I see the world through a certain lens, since we're going through these issues right now, but bedwetting can be a sign of food allergy. Dairy is the first suspect because it can inhibit the body's ability to concentrate urine. Food chemicals can also be suspected in ADD so that would go together.

I'm sure there is a lot more going on, but I just wanted to toss that in there. Good luck!

[CATPAT30]

Dairy Free

Originally Posted by xekomaya

If you'll forgive my intrusion, I was just reading around MDC..

I know I see the world through a certain lens, since we're going through these issues right now, but bedwetting can be a sign of food allergy. Dairy is the first suspect because it can inhibit the body's ability to concentrate urine. Food chemicals can also be suspected in ADD so that would go together.

I'm sure there is a lot more going on, but I just wanted to toss that in there. Good luck!

thank you. Good to know that it is true about my suspicions on milk. I am dairy free so i will be making him such. I make most of my own food when i can and even make my own bread once or twice a week so hopefully we get get alot of this cleared up.
Family history of mental illness. (dad is bipolar mom is depressed at very least and drug addict) so i don't expect miracles but he is a smart kid.

thank you to all who replied. :

[JoyFilled]

I would say don't change anything for him without talking to doctors and counselors.

Also, are you in Canada? I would definitely go for fostering instead of Kinship because you will need more the 170$ to care for this kid. And I have found the fostering system very supportive and they cover a lot of expenses. And I think unless you are claiming a kid as your own (adoption/birth) then you really shouldn't have to pay for them.

Our kids have some mental health issues and social issues but I think they are the smartest/cutest/nicest kids in the world. So I can relate to you on that part.

Also I think it is really good that he can still have contact with his parents and his parents had enough courage to say - we know we can't met his needs and we need help. That really takes a lot and I think they should applauded for that.

[CATPAT30]

Originally Posted by JoyFilled

I would say don't change anything for him without talking to doctors and counselors.

I will see Pediatrician on monday. will discuss everything with him

Originally Posted by JoyFilled

Also, are you in Canada? I would definitely go for fostering instead of Kinship because you will need more the 170$ to care for this kid. And I have found the fostering system very supportive and they cover a lot of expenses. And I think unless you are claiming a kid as your own (adoption/birth) then you really shouldn't have to pay for them.

yes we are in Canada. I have thought about becoming foster parent for him but it seems that Kinship Service is best. We have more control over him this way and less interference from CAS about possible medical issues. But because of his nystagmus he qualifies for Disability assistance to help pay for meds and stuff. so we should be okay financially. we also should get extra for his special diet (lactose intollerent) this is all according to his parents will know more after i get letters showing we have guardianship.

Also we have a plan since we will be his guardians/ parents he should be covered.

Originally Posted by JoyFilled

Also I think it is really good that he can still have contact with his parents and his parents had enough courage to say - we know we can't met his needs and we need help. That really takes a lot and I think they should applauded for that.

We try to commend them on the great job they've done with him because he is so smart and so in tune with our religious beliefs and how well they have handled all of this and then they just rip into us for other things (like letting our close friends know he is staying with us) it is so discouraging to be hated by someone because we are trying to help their kid.
SW reminded me that we are doing this to help T and not to help them and that does help to keep it in perspective.