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6 year old with wiping issues

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
My dd is 6 1/2 and has never had stellar hygene, but this is getting disgusting. She just refuses to wipe after using the toilet (pee or poop). She smells so bad and her panties are foul. They are literally caked with poop. She's always been the type of kid that gets annoyed at stopping an activity to use the restroom. She is also doing a poor job "washing" her hands (just puts them under running water for a second or two).
I've asked her to call me when she poops so I can help her wipe, but she "forgets" or poops at school. She is not bothered at all by sitting in poopy panties all day.
A couple of years ago she was constipated and had poop accidents, but that was resolved and this has just started getting really bad in the last month or so. She has never really wiped pees, but I just let that go. I mean it didn't smell good, but it just didn't seem as gross as the poop, yk?

Any suggestions, commiseration?
post #2 of 17
I make sure that my kids poop before school. My dd1 does a good job by herself. We had to teach it to her. She hated doing it by herself but eventually she realized that it was expected of her to take care of her hygiene. DD2 is not at that stage yet.

The only way to do this is to teach your daughter to do this. Its just one of those things that she will have to do on her own. Everyday make sure that she gets enough fiber to poop after breakfast before going off to school. Supervise her, make sure she is doing a good job, show her how to wash her hands properly.

Expect the good behaviour and you will get it. Failure can't be an option.

If she knows that she will be supervised till she gets the job done properly, she will do it.
post #3 of 17
Thread Starter 
That's the thing-she knows how to do it. She was wiping until a couple of months ago and just decided she didn't want to bother with it anymore. She is not bothered by poop in her panties at all.
She poops on a pretty regular schedule and gets plenty of fiber. I do expect wiping and thorough hand washing, but she's just not doing it. This mama is tired of dealing with poop. I've been wiping somebody's bottom for nearly 10 years now. *sigh*
post #4 of 17
Both of my kids are more likely to wipe with the flushable wipes than with just TP.

My DS gets lazy about this sometimes too. I will flat out say "You smell bad. Please go change your underwear and put the ones you have on in the soaking bucket in the garage." Then after there are a few pairs there I will have him actually start the laundry. I agree, I'm done with kids poop at this point. I can't make them wipe, I can't make them care. But I can require them to change when they gross me out and I can certainly make it so *I* don't have to handle their yucky things.

I have also made sorting and putting away their laundry part of their weekly chores so they get an appreciation for how much laundry they actually generate. But that's probably a different post...
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
I like the soaking bucket idea. Do you put anything in there or is it just water?

My kids have recently started folding (and I use that term loosely ) and putting away their laundry. It's amazing how much laundry they can generate.
post #6 of 17
Originally Posted by HomeBirthMommy View Post
I like the soaking bucket idea. Do you put anything in there or is it just water?
Usually a couple of scoops of Oxi-clean. I almost always have two buckets going -- one for dirty undies and one for stained uniform polo shirts. When I'm ready to wash things in them I just dump bucket, water, soak into the washer.
post #7 of 17
Are you sure it's a wiping issue. I had a niece who when she was about 5 used to hold back her stool. This is hard to describe, but when it got to the point that she HAD to go she would sit down and rock back and forth. The stool would start to come out but she would strain really hard to keep it inside. Usually she would be sucessfull, but sometimes a little stool would pass her rectum and stain her panties. Apparently this is a type of encopresis. She didn't know why she did it, but we figure she didn't want to take the time to evacuate her bowels. When my sister found the dirty panties, she thought it was a wiping issue, but DN was wiping properly when she did go number two.

Just a thought.
post #8 of 17
Thread Starter 
Trust me, it's definitely a wiping issue. I've seen her get right up and pull her pants up after pooping without wiping.

She did have issues like you're describing a couple of years ago when she had constipation, so we've been there too. Lucky us.
post #9 of 17
Paige, we're in the same boat. You can lead a child to TP, but you can't make her wipe. I am rather blunt with my words about how she smells, and we also require a change of undies (and often the pants as well, since the dribble soaks through), and the dirty one taken down to the basement for washing. I might add the soaking bucket step, that's a good idea. I use washing soda for soaking.

When we're in public, my code for "wipe your rear" is "make sure you do everything you need to do in there!" (=wipe, wash, flush).

"I forgot" drives me batty. Seriously, you forgot?? How do you forget? I don't get how having pee run down your legs feels ok.

Edit: I've recently added a step for the clothes change, and that's to wash with a wash cloth front and back. She seems to do it without complaint, and it slows the return of the stink. I also wash her underwear as if they are diapers. I think detergent buildup and whatnot makes the stink come back more quickly otherwise. That of course, does nothing for the poop cake.
post #10 of 17
My 6 yr old DS had a similar issue. He would not wipe because it hurt and anything left would cause him to get a rash and then it hurt more to wipe..... Then of course there was the smell and the dirty underwear. We ended up buying some of the unscented kandoo type flushable wipes. Made all the difference difference. He uses that now and no longer has any issues.
post #11 of 17
We had a good friend who's DD started getting serious vaginal infections, etc because she didn't wipe well (either one - depending). Her mom basically said that she either had to start wiping better and let her help if she needed it or she was going to keep getting these painful infections. Now, sounds like your DD hasn't had these issues yet but you may want to mention the kinds of things that happen when you don't use bathroom hygiene. Never hurts to mention how sick you can get if you have dirty (poopy) hands and are eating with your hands later. I know, sounds really gross but if nothing else works maybe?
post #12 of 17
Have none of the other kids at school or elsewhere made comments? Sounds horrible but sometimes social pressure can be a good catalyst for change.
post #13 of 17

my boyfriends 6 year old also has this problem. We keep telling her how sick she can get and she seems to take it into consideration but she still won't wipe! Me, her dad, and her nanny are constantly finding her panties caked in poop. She also uses the excuse she wants to get up from the toilet quicker to do whatever activity she was doing in the first place. She also won't change her panties unless reminded, or wash her hands or flush the toilet! Talking to her about getting sick is doing NOTHING; it doesn't seem to phase her. Her dad bought her wipes to try and she still wont wipe. She started school two weeks ago, and so I thought the best solution would be to put her in pull-ups so she could see that if she wants to act like a little kid she can wear little kid undergarments. I don't know if that was the best solution but right now I don't know what else to do. I have asked her if there is a reason she wants to get off the toilet quicker. we have had the "has anybody hurt you in a bad way or touched you in a bad place" conversation at least twice now and she keeps insisting that no one has, except her brother or a friend from her nanny's and those are little kids. She is usually a very open child. She tells me if her little brother or a friend has touched her. I don't have any clue what to do except pray about it. thats the only thing I can do.

post #14 of 17

My oldest wipes (at least!) but hates flushing and washing his hands. Do you believe in a rewards system? Like, if she wipes she gets something. We have a helper chart thing and do stickers-- but that was put into place when we had a baby and I needed them to help out more around the house. Once they get 10 stickers they can trade them in for something.

But I have to say that I would be pretty firm/stern about the no wiping thing. I'm a very gentle parent with discipline, but not wiping is definitely something I'd be very vocal about. I was this way with my oldest not washing his hands. I kept getting mini stomach bugs when the no-washing was at it's height and I think it was related to there being fecal matter on things :(. I guess you can't control behavior that happens outside of the home, but with my son I was very ON him about washing his hands which meant I had to keep tabs on him at all times and know when he was in the bathroom. It's was annoying, as he's around the same age as your daughter, and I shouldn't have to watch him like a hawk. But I had to do it for sanitary reasons.

post #15 of 17

I would make it more inconvenient for her NOT to wipe. Tell her that her undies are stinky and she needs to help deal with that and reiterate "this is what happens when you do not wipe your bottom". Make it something that will disrupt her day. Also, as soon as she's done toileting and comes out, ask if she's wiped. If not, tell her she has to go back and wipe herself. I would then say "you cannot go play while you have poop on your body. When you are finished wiping, come out and let me know". Just keep at it. This is a safety issue since fecal bacteria is a big issue. 

post #16 of 17

Have her help put spray stain remover on her underpants. 


Force her to wipe. Keep wet wipes in the bathroom and monitor her wiping. If you find out that she didn't wipe and some time has gone by, make her change her underwear, spray stain remover on the old ones and wipe herself with a wet wipe before continueing whatever she is doing. 


Also definitely have her take a bath every day. 


I would be firm and not allow her to get away with this. Trust me. You wouldn't be doing her any favors otherwise. 


Also, the handwashing is a must. I would make her wash her hands regularly no matter what. Every hour maybe?

post #17 of 17
I'm sorry you are dealing with this! My daughter has dealt with the constipation poop in the panties issues on and off for years, so I hear you on how nasty those underwear are.

I wonder if every time she smelled bad in addition to having her take the panties to soak you had her get in the shower? I had a friend who did that with her son (not in a punitive way as much as a "when you have poop on your body/hands you need to wash yourself" natural con equines way) and it took him so much longer to do that than to just wipe he eventually just started wiping in the first place.
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