How do I help my husband cope?

[OhMeOhMy]

We had to euthanize our nearly 14 year old cat this morning. DH is on his way home right now. Harold was his baby. He's had this cat since he graduated college and got his first apartment. He coddled this cat and sometimes I wondered if he loved the cat more than the kiddos (small attempt at humor here). Recently Harold has started becoming more aggressive with the kids. Our youngest are 2 yo twins and I worried a lot about them (he swiped at them and bared teeth), but never pushed a "now is the time" on him. He pees all over the house if we try and keep him in. But the moment came when he attacked our neighbors brand new 1600.00 screen house. They were reasonable, but asked that we never let him out again (he is indoor/outdoor). We put him downstairs and the peeing started. He was miserable. He yowled. He hissed at everyone who went down there and tried to escape at every chance. We could not have him up here with the kids. We can't let him urinate everywhere downstairs, so DH made the call. He agonized over this since Saturday. He took him this AM. He went alone. I asked if he wanted me to go with him. I did not want to intrude on his last goodbye. I let him know I wanted to support him and do what he wanted. He wanted me to stay home. He just called me, he is in tears. I have never seen this man cry. My heart hurts for him. What do I say to him? How can I help him?
I don't know if he stayed with him or not. He was torn. I don't have the heart to even ask. Is there anything I can say/do for him?

[OhMeOhMy]

He's outside burring him now. I can hear him from here.

[Red Sonja]

i don't know what to say, my 12 year old kitty is not going to be with us for much longer. if it were me, i would just want my dp to hug me and tell me how much my kitty knew that i loved her and that she had a good life and was loved. i'm sorry for your dh.

[meemee]

i dont know what to say mama.

all i can say you are already helping him by letting him have the privacy to grieve.

i am glad that he IS greiving and not bottling it up.

just you being there whenever he needs it will be support enough. how to cope is something he will have to figure out himself. i find grief is a v. private thing.

plus i think the reason why he had to put down his baby is probably creating guilt within him. i kinda had to go thru something similar 20 years ago and i still feel guilt and grieve over it.

hugs mama. i recall when my bro died what brought me down was not my bro's death but hearing my dad cry.

[GuavaGirl]

All I can think of is lots of hugs and gentleness. ...and understand if he gets a little snippy or anything like that, that it's not about you.....well, that's what my husband does anyway.

Also, this may sound bad, for some people the only thing that really helps with the grief is a new puppy or kitten. My cat was attacked and killed by a couple neighbor dogs. I felt awful and the only thing that helped was the new puppy we got. (I think I might have been bawling for days and days otherwise)

[elsie]

When I lost my cat like that years ago, DH gave me space to grieve, was extra helpful around the house, bought me a few treats (ok, I think it was a bag of raisinettes which are my favorite) and generally was there for me without being over bearing. Maybe plan some of his favorite foods this week. Have the kids give him a few extra hugs and just let him go through the process. Something else - do you have a photo of the cat? Maybe frame it.

[Red Sonja]

how is your dh doing?

[OhMeOhMy]

He is doing better. Thank you for asking.

We had a rough couple of days. He was alternately sad and snippy. I just tried to be understanding and available, without being too in his face. If ykwim. He has marked the grave and I think that helped him. He spent a little time out there while doing it. I saw him talking/moving his arms around (we're Italian - we talk with our hands, lol), so I figure he was saying his final goodbye. He is definitely much better and even sat out on the stoop and talked with me about it. He told me he did go in with him and went over it detail by detail. I think it helped him to share - in his own time - with me. Harold aka Big Orange will be greatly missed and not soon forgotten.

[babygrant]

to you and your DH. Losing a pet is hard. Good for you for just being there for your husband and offering a shoulder to cry on.

[Ifluffedthree]

loosing a pet is difficult.
stepping back and allowing some space for the emotions and letting him know you are supportive is all I know to really do.

consider a new kitten in time.