i don't know where to start

[luckyducks]

I have reliezed that I gave up a little while ago as far as teaching social skills, boundries, and life skills to my 2 sons. Why? I don't know jeez, I feel like maybe I was sad after we moved, nothing felt right, I was in a slump and I let lots of things brush past me. I am offically "over it", and ready to get back on track. Seriously ladies, where do I start? Ds1 is 5 and in kindergarted and Ds2 is 3(4 in jan) and home with me. I feel like we all need a refreasher course in everything(!!!) but I want everything to be age appropriate. I don't know if I say to my 5 year old "be gentle." I don't know how much responsiblity to put on them. I don't even know if any of this makes sense!!!
I have been ap and gd until this past july when we moved and since then I have become ummmm...nothing; I guess is how I would describe it as far as a "style". So I'm starting over? I pick up where I left off? AHHHHH.

Let this make sense to someone!!!
Thanks to all in advance.

[abeliamama]

I'm sorry you have been having a rough time. I don't have any real answer but I think you are on the right track since you are seeking help. I might make a list of what you want to change. Also reading a positive parenting book can give you a refresher course. It sounds like you might be depressed? Have you seen a therapist? Don't be hard on yourself-try to make small changes everyday.

maybe some of the better versed mamas will give you better advice.

[greatful_isis]

I recently had another baby and I feel like I got off track with my DD towards the end of the pregnancy because I was so tired and feeling pretty lazy. The PP mentioned something I started doing, which is to re-read some parenting books. I started looking at a few of the books I have and it helped to refresh in my mind what is important to me and how I want to approach things and it even gave me some new ideas since I have two kids now and it really is like starting over.
So I would say reading some books. And looking at what you want to accomplish with your kids and what your goals are for them in thier behaviors and abilities.
Not sure if that helps at all. I hope things are starting to look up for you. Its hard to get out of slump and get back in the swing of things.
Good Luck!

[Pepe]

It sounds, from your post, like you moved somewhat recently? Maybe seeking out a playgroup or Mama group would be a fun way to connect with new people and re-acquaint yourself with some of those AP and GD ideas you mention you used to embrace. I'm thinking that chatting with people who sort of do things the way you'd like to would be a way to get familiar with some of the issues and expectations that seem mysterious to you now.

Good luck!

[Pepe]

Oh--also, is it possible for you to volunteer in (or even just visit) your older child's kindergarten class? Perhaps seeing the other kids and their behaviors and watching how the teacher deals with them would be helpful or thought-provoking (especially if you like the way that teacher operates). I have learned soooooo much from seeing the way my 3yo DS's teachers deal with things at preschool. It has also helped me gauge what is "normal," and has given me a little glimpse into the world of kids around his age.

[jilly]

Ah, I've been there. Last year we had a really hard winter, and I just felt so overwhelmed that I got totally off track with teaching my children how to behave in a civilized way. Next thing you know you are breaking up fights every 5 min. and trying to just stop your children from tearing the furniture apart and wondering what happened.

I would probably start by deciding what one thing is bugging you / causing the most trouble. Then I would set a simple principle or rule about that first and enforce it consistently for a few weeks (and they will be rough weeks, since no one's used to having to listen to mom anymore). After you've got that down, and the general idea instilled that we have to start listening again, then you can start looking at routines and schedules that could help things run more smoothly.

I think one of the hard things about GD / AP is that so much of it is a lifestyle and about having structure and routines in place that help your kids behave. This is great, but when you move to a new place you have to redesign the system and sometimes it just feels too exhausting to go through all the work of figuring everything out again when you are just starting to adjust.
But remind yourself that it is really worth it, enforce a few things first to get everyone back in the mode, then once things are running smoothly enough that you can hear yourself think and do something other than clean up the disaster zone at the end of the day, then make a plan.

Hang in there mama. Hope all goes well.