Getting tired of fighting with my DD about preschool - Page 2

[Ks Mama]

Hey mama. If you're sure that the school is a good one for her, if she's had good experiences, if you need the time, and you think she's benefitting, then its really okay to make that decision to keep her in school.

I'm wondering if she's picking up on waffling or uncertainties from you? Perhaps she senses that you are easy to change your plans or change your mind? Have you ever taken a more firm, assured position about her activities? As her mother, you set the tone for her day; you set the tone for her activities. Like, "today we go to school! that's what we do Mondy - Friday!" or "Here are your clothes, let's get dressed! We head out to school in 20 minutes; I know you can be ready to go. Meet you downstairs!" instead of, "... pleeeease can you get dressed? i'll make your favorite breakfast, come on... don't you remember you had fun before? " It's a matter of making a commitment & sticking to it. Of believing it, and so it is.

You say she is very strong willed. Which is a good thing! My daughter is the same way, and wickedly smart, intuitive, and as such, can be very persuasive. But sometimes you have to honor the strong personality by providing strong guidance. Show her that school is fun, and you expect her to go. That getting herself dressed & ready to go is an expectation (set her clothes out the night before if it seems to be a source of struggle in the morning). Tell her you understand she likes you to be there at the beginning of the day, but that it is a distraction to the other students & to the start of her day, and have her help you come up with a time limit for the morning time you stay in the class, (say, I'll help you get started on 1 project, for 5 minutes, then i'll see you at pick up time at noon). Then stick to it.

I say all of this again, assuming that you like the school & you believe it is a good place for her.

[Britishmum]

I'm in the camp that says that if she doesn't have to go, doesn't want to go, then just don't go. There is a world of difference between 4 & 5- that's one quarter of her life away!

I think that long term the emotional benefits of being home with her mommy and sibling for this year, even if it does 'only' consist of errands and chores, would be far greater than forced 'socializing' with a large group of other children her age.

Ds is that age, and does go to preschool 3 mornings a week, but I stay with him the entire time, so it's not a separation. I couldn't imagine forcing him to go, or setting up reward charts for it, or any other strategy, if he didn't want to be there. They are still babies, and quite naturally, many of them would prefer to be home with mama than out in the world, however wonderful some of the preschool teachers and activities may be.


HTH

[Alison's Mom]

Originally Posted by vegmom

Maybe the preschool teacher can meet you outside and then take your dd into the class so then you will not have to be there for 30min trying to get your dd adjusted. This realy helps with any seperation anxiety.

Hmmm - hadn't thought of that. It might be worth a try. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I wouldn't send her if she was that upset about going every morning.

Also remember that she may not "have to" go to kindergarten either. Have you considered homeschooling?

Well, I used to be pretty anti-HLing, but have come around after reading posts on MDC about it, and talking to some local MDC mamas who HL. However, I'd still prefer to send my kids through the public school system, and my DH is adamantly opposed to HLing, so it's not an option.

Originally Posted by astrophe27

When she is talking about all the fun things she did, can you record her voice or video her? Then when she's complaining about it, play it back to her to help her remember how fun it is?

A.

Yeah, that *might* work.. . . but usually when she's being negative, she's *really* negative, and nothing can change her mind. Maybe worth a try, though.

Originally Posted by 2GR8KIDS

Maybe if your DD drops ballet after this class ends you can concentrate on preschool until things start going more smoothly.

Perhaps this would work. I've sort of given up on ballet for now since DH said on Saturday that if she's not going, then we're not going back. . . Although I wouldn't have phrased it that way to her, I'm not going to back down on what he decided unless things really change.

Originally Posted by Ks Mama

I'm wondering if she's picking up on waffling or uncertainties from you? Perhaps she senses that you are easy to change your plans or change your mind? Have you ever taken a more firm, assured position about her activities? As her mother, you set the tone for her day; you set the tone for her activities. Like, "today we go to school! that's what we do Mondy - Friday!" or "Here are your clothes, let's get dressed! We head out to school in 20 minutes; I know you can be ready to go. Meet you downstairs!" instead of, "... pleeeease can you get dressed? i'll make your favorite breakfast, come on... don't you remember you had fun before? " It's a matter of making a commitment & sticking to it. Of believing it, and so it is.

You say she is very strong willed. Which is a good thing! My daughter is the same way, and wickedly smart, intuitive, and as such, can be very persuasive. But sometimes you have to honor the strong personality by providing strong guidance. Show her that school is fun, and you expect her to go. That getting herself dressed & ready to go is an expectation (set her clothes out the night before if it seems to be a source of struggle in the morning). Tell her you understand she likes you to be there at the beginning of the day, but that it is a distraction to the other students & to the start of her day, and have her help you come up with a time limit for the morning time you stay in the class, (say, I'll help you get started on 1 project, for 5 minutes, then i'll see you at pick up time at noon). Then stick to it.

I say all of this again, assuming that you like the school & you believe it is a good place for her.

Thanks - good advice. I am fairly un-waffly by nature in my parenting, so I do already set firm expectations and don't do the "oh, c'mon, please get dressed'. I do, however, try to compromise and try to make things exciting for her if I can. This is why I did the 'Oh, what would you like for your snack tomorrow - fish crackers? (something that's not entirely healthy, but that she likes). . . and the 'Oh, it's raining today - let's bring your new umbrella to school - want to?'

My DH is really against letting her decide that she's not going to school. Today he said 'if you don't go to school tomorrow, you're not going to your friend's bday party on Sunday'. Again, I wouldn't have done this, for a number of reasons. We had just gone to an AP seminar at the school a few weeks ago so DH had heard reasons against threatening to take things away from kids. However, he didn't know what else to do and is insistent that she go to school. I'd like to find out the root reasons behind not wanting to go and address those, but not sure what to do in the meantime.