Playdates- should siblings be invited?

[DevaMajka]

Curious about the ettiquette here. If I invite one of ds's friends over to play, should I also invite the friends sibling?
They all play together just fine, and they are well behaved when they are here. It's just that with the 3 of them, they are much louder, and get out WAYYYY more toys.
If it matters any, ds is 4yo, and his friend is a 5yo ds, and the sibling is a just turned 3yo dd.

[amcal]

I would. I think it's the nice thing to do. It make it so much easier on the other mom to not have to tell the youngest that the sibling is invited to a play date but that the youngest isn't. Then the mom doesn't have to try to figure out something to do with the youngest while the oldest is at a play date.

That being said, I don't think etiquette dictates that you must invite siblings and if you choose not to, I think that's fine but, I do think it's a nice thing to do as as a mom of girls very close in age, it's so appreciated when they are both invited.

[One_Girl]

I might in this situation since they are all so close in age and you have in the past. I would tell them right in front of their mother that last time there were a lot of toys strewn all over and you expect them to help clean up before they leave. If it is a first time thing I would just invite the friend unless the mother was coming to keep an eye on her kids unless I am offering so the mom can have a break. If you just invite a specific child over I have found that only that child comes over.

[lesmac]

We have a similar play situation -- my girls are 5 and (almost) 3; they are both very good friends w/ a just-turned 4-year old. Sometimes I drop both of them off, sometimes just one.

If you truly d/n care, I'd ask the other mom. Sometimes I like having time w/ just one of my kids, and sometimes I like having time w/ just me! For me, it can be hard to focus all of my attention on my youngest, so I like it if I can spend some one-on-one w/ her.

I think that the only thing that "etiquette" dictates is that everyone is on the same page...

[Breeder]

Are you going to be watching all of the kids or is a parent also going to attend?

If you are the only one watching them, I say just invite the one child. If a parent is coming I would invite all three because a) you won't be responsible for the other kids and b) the parent won't have to try and find child care for her others.

[DevaMajka]

It's just me watching the kids. When I talked to her today (not exactly about this), she said that ds was welcome to come to her house to play. She has offered in the past, but I've not taken her up on it really (no real reason- I just didn't really feel like I needed ds "out of my hair" or w/e). But now I'm thinking it would be a great idea!! It would even it out a lot more, and I'd get some time to myself as well.

Our agreement in the past was that if it was both kids, I was "babysitting" and it was a playdate if it was just the older one. She tries to respect that, but, of course, sometimes the younger one just really wants to come play too! Most of the time, she sends the older one over (they live just a couple houses down) when the younger one is having a nap.

It's good to know that there's not a real "ettiquette" stand on this. But I totally understand (and agree) that it's nice to include the younger one

[MrsAprilMay]

I think it's a great idea to have your child go to her house instead occasionally.

Since she wouldn't be staying, I think that it would be fine to just invite one over. Going from 1 to 3 is tough, and will be a little more detrimental to the state of your home. Although it wouldn't be that bad if the mom would help her kids pick up before they leave.

[ColwynsMommy]

My boys are close in age (21 mo. apart), and they don't have their own friends, they all play together. We've never done drop-off playdates, but the topic has come up occasionally. Personally, I would never drop off both boys at a friend's house, unless it was agreed beforehand that it was babysitting with some sort of compensation. It is a lot harder to be fully responsible for an additional two children, especially when they're little. If the mom is going to be at your house, though, then it would be weird to request that only one kid come.

Maybe you could just tell her straight out that having both kids over means a lot more mess, and that if she could come over a few minutes before she actually needs them to come home so she can help make sure everything gets tidied, you'd be more willing to have them both over.

Thankfully we've never really run into that issue.. I'm good friends with all my kids' friends' moms, so a playdate for them is as much a playdate for us.

[OakBerry]

I've run into this as well.
As the mom of an only, it's much easier to just have the older child, who is my ds's age, over. My house used to be childproof, but now that ds is 6 he has toys with small choky parts, and I'm more relaxed about what I leave laying around. I also don't have a playroom (it seems like everyone with multiple kids has some sort of designated toyroom) so the kids are all in the living room and ds's bedroom. That makes the house way more trashed when kids come over, as all the mess is in our main living space. And I have to childproof before little ones come over. It's alot of work to do for a two hour period and it looks like a bomb went off when they leave.

And two of ds's friends have 2 younger siblings, not just one. I feel bad about it, but I often don't invite them over. I have chronic health issues and it's hard enough on a normal day to keep my house reasonably clean.

I'm thinking that ds is now 6, which seems to be the age that kids around here get dropped off for playdates. I'm comfortable with it as long as it's the few families I know well.

[octobermom]

not sure whats right but for me I do both... Its rare that my DD can play with just a friend her age so I think its nice to sometimes plan special things just for her and a special friend... At the same time I aos understand siblings often time can come with the package and I don't want to set up a sibling fight ect. Also often her playdates especially as shes old enough to somewhat play "alone" often means my chance to talk with another adult and in order for that to happen if means allowing the other kids to come. SO for me we do both.

Deanna

[zeldamomma]

My oldest 2 are 18 months apart, and I don't have a problem with someone inviting only one of them over. Sometimes the child who isn't invited is a little sad about it, but we talk it through, and it works out.

I don't think I would involve the mom in the clean-up issue-- IMHO, the mess goes along with having kids over, and if you want to get them to help pick up, you need to initiate it.

ZM

[DevaMajka]

The kids do very well as far as helping me pick up the toys. I'm friends with the mom, and she's totally fine with me having the kids pick up toys. The older one is especially helpful about it. The younger one is, well, 3yo. hehehe. She helps sometimes.
The big problem is that I like to be lazy. lol. Oh well- that goes out the window when you have kids, eh?