3 year old oppositional allllll the time...development or what?

[EStreetMama]

Hi there--

My son was absolutely lovely from about 2.5 until just before turning 3. He is now done with naps, so I know that being tired is part of the problem, but he is oppositional from morning until night. Whining, demanding, refusing...even to things I know he wants to do...like go to the park, go for a walk, get in the car to go to the zoo, etc.

Please tell me this is some 3 year old thing that will pass soon. I am finding myself scheming to get away from him and it's sad.

If it's not developmental, what can I do to help my kid? He has always had an independent, persistant personality...but now it's turned up to 11.

I know he's had a big developmental leap because of his language and readiness for different activities and toys. The way he plays has definitely shifted but we have plenty of new fun things for him to do.

He did start a co-op preschool this fall, but the behavior had started before then. Otherwise, no major family changes or anything.

I'm home with just him and my house is trashed, I'm getting more and more frazzled and disorganized. It's been 2+ months of this now.

Help! Any ideas?

[fridgeart]

I think it might be the age. My 3 YO sounds EXACTLY the same. Until very recently, quite lovely and fun (though she's always had her own ideas about things). It sounds like 3 is all about being contrary-exerting their little wills. I don't have any advice, but I do share your pain-you're not alone.
The only thing I've found to work is to re-frame my requests in a couple of ways: I pander to her wanting to be a big kid (challenge her "Do you think you can get your coat/shoes on in 15 seconds?" "What do you think a big kid would want for lunch?") and find more creative ways to get her to behave in a less contrary fashion, because, good grief, the attitude will kill me soon...

[spruce]

BTDT, quite a few times over...

They make a big deal about the "terrible twos" but I always find that 3 is so much harder than 2. Three is an independent age, it's "NO!" and "Make me!" and a sort of preamble to the teens. It's a tough age, because they aren't wise or old enough to be able to make good decisions, but they do want to make ALL the decisions!

Yes, three is tough. It's not just you. It's just a growth issue.

love, penelope

[mommy2abigail]

its the age

[PlayaMama]

yep. three is tough, we're almost to four and it has gotten better. one thing i'd suggest is making sure your lo is getting enough sleep. that made our rough days get a bit better. less tempermental and whiny.

also, a big thing that worked for us was finding a compromise. if ds wanted to do something and i wanted to do something we tried to find a solution that would work for both of us.

unless it was a matter of safety and then we use the code word "baby bear" and he knows it's important and that he needs to listen to me "mama bear" right that instant and i will explain later.

hth

[EStreetMama]

Oh phew...thanks mamas. It's always nice to hear that I'm not alone!!!

We're working on getting more sleep, and on finding ways to let him do a lot more of our daily tasks.

So I have a 3 year old and an almost 13 year old in the house. Can you smell the teen spirit????

:

[Ms.QsMama]

that is thee word i have used to describe my 3 y/o as well!

she's nearing 4 and is JUST starting to mellow out a bit, but this year has taken a lot out of me. it's been hard on our relationship.

just keep in mind that it's a season (one you'll probably see again at some point. ) and relax your expectations. give both you and your son some extra grace and love. it's a hard age to navigate.

[phathui5]

Both of my older kids are um, challenging, at three. Luckily, my third child is a much more laid back three year old. I do think it's an age thing though.

[hopefulfaith]

I think our August05 babies are in flux! Three is certainly a much different terrain than the past few years have been. There's having a 'will', and then there's being big enough to assert that will... Amazing. When my guy is on an even keel, he's fantastic. Wonderful. Terrific. The most fun person in the world to be around. But when he's not? Wow - I love this kid more than anyone else in the whole wide world does, but even I don't always like to be around him.

I know that ensuring sleep is crucial for us, as is watching his diet. I know I don't have to preach to the choir on MDC, but it's been a heck of a week spent with the grandparents...who actually provided Adam with a candy bar for breakfast the other day. Great family fight, that.

((hugs)) to you, though, A. Everyone tells me this passes. Most days I am optimistic that it will. Other days...well....yeah.

[sacredmama]

Oh ya, DS has had some phases of oppositional all.the.time for weeks. As we get closer to 4 they seem to be lasting only a week. There is hope, but also I've learned to not get my hopes up about the challenges going away, there'll just be different ones. There will be ebbs and flows, at least that's been my experience so far. I've been practicing trying to allow his behavior, it actually has helped. I really trust that if they are allowed to express their emotions now, that when they get a little older we will be able to guide them towards more appropriate ways of expressing. If we try to keep them from expressing themselves then it may be harder in the future because of deeper issues that they may develop. Just my :

[tjlsmom]

So what is my little one's problem!!!! He won't be 3 until May! He is doing the exact same things all of you are describing. It is really wearing me out. Are you telling me I have another 1-1/2 years to go????????

[cheeseRjedi]

My 3 yr old is the same. She disagrees just to disagree. She must be the one in charge. When we cook, she wants to be the mommy and does not let me stir the food. A few weeks ago we were going to a private party by our favorite band as a wedding party for a friend. She has a great time every time we see this band, her friends are there, etc. And she didn't want to go.

[chio88]

I agree...three is tough...

[ernalala]

Originally Posted by tjlsmom

So what is my little one's problem!!!! He won't be 3 until May! He is doing the exact same things all of you are describing. It is really wearing me out. Are you telling me I have another 1-1/2 years to go????????

I know what you mean, my 2y8m old (32 months) is very intense/hyper/demanding/tantrum prone, since I don't know, he was about 20 months?or even earlier, but a long while already and until now it's not getting any easier, to the contrary,and he's only getting strongerin his tantrums

DS1 was quite ok in his 3's but he got more difficult again at 4.

So now I have two that are worth each other

Sibling rivalry is running high too in our house. It's never boring...

[jillmamma]

I hear ya! Her mantra lately is "NO!" and "ME do it!" and "I don't WANT to do xxx!"

[3littlebirds]

Originally Posted by spruce

Three is an independent age, it's "NO!" and "Make me!" and a sort of preamble to the teens.

we started referring to our 3yo as our little "micro-teen". some of his comments sound just like a defiant teenager.

[amis2girls]

loud and defiant, in public especially