Someone please tell me why I didn't circumsize my son - Page 2

[Nandi]

Because he was born perfect and doesn't need surgical amputation of his body parts. Because boys have a right to all their body parts just as girls do. Because you did the just and humane thing for your son, and left him as he was born, without risk of surgical complications such as meatal stenosis, gangrene, hemorrhage, septic shock, brain damage, or death.

[Microsoap]

I can't offer any more words of wisdom than what has already been told.

I can tell you I'm a happily intact male and wouldn't trade my foreskin for anything in the world! :

I don't know if this anecdotal experience helps, but it's more a "cute" story: I got an AMAZING pro-intact/anti-circ bumper sticker ("Pro-Choice? Routine Circumcision Removes HIS Right To Choose!") and put it on my parents car (I live at home temporarily and have never had a car). They removed it the next day... and they are very anti-circ. I'm still rather ticked off at them for doing this considering our old car wore a bumper sticker for a year and a half or more. Now imagine how I'd feel if they had taken my foreskin away from me!

[perspective]

Originally Posted by justme&my3+1

I know, weird title. But seriously, this is my second son, the first I curcumsised and felt guilty later. Sometime last year I was here on MDC and lurking the posts, like I do daily and came across a post here in this group with a video on youtube of a doctor doing a circumsision and the baby screamed and screamed and I cried. I felt horrible and kept thinking about my son who at that time was 4 years old.

Fast forward to this February when I found out I was pregnant. One of the first things I thought about was if it's a boy I will not circ.

He is a little over a month old and I have had 3 different doctors, my pedi, and family members ask me why I didn't circ him. All I can think of to say is "because I didn't want him to go through the pain". Boy can people come up with some crazy reasons as to why that "little bit of pain" is nothing.

I wish I had a more informed answer to say to everyone. I feel dumb when I answer, and have even doubted my descision because of it.

So please, tell me why you didn't circ your son so I know I did something better for him than "just save him a little bit of pain"

Well I can tell you why I wished I had not been circumcised. The answer is simple, and this is what you can tell the doctors. Its my body (or when you tell other you can say, its his body) and no one but the owner of that body has the right to make that kind of decision.

Do you need an excuse for why you kept your sons ears? His fingers? Or any other of his body parts? No! Because the answer is obvious, its his body, and doing such things is morally wrong.


I dont want to get into this subject, but I think its the best way for a mother to understand what I mean. You know all the women out there who are pro-choice, but say personally they would never have an abortion? Thats because being able to have that control, being able to make those decisions for yourself makes all the difference in how you feel about yourself, and the situation you decide to choose as a women.
That same feeling is what I feel about circumcision. Its not that I hate my penis, its that I feel really disappointed and slightly violated that such a person decision relating to my manhood was taken away from me. (and when I say manhood, I do not mean penis, I mean the essence of being male)

Do not let anyone, not doctors, not family, or anyone let you feel uncertain about what you did, or better yet, what you didn't do.
You have not closed off the option of circ to him if he wants it, if have taken nothing away. You have gave him the ability to control his own body, and let him make such a decision for himself, if its something he ever thinks about at all that is.

[momongeon]

My boys are intact b/c I have seen too many circ's gone wrong. I have seen babies in pain and I have seen babies bleed too much. My babies are more important to me to let them go through that knowing that it is unnecessary. Sorry but they can choose what their penis' look like some day. The other thing I believe is that foreskin is not a birth defect. It is there for a reason.

[Greg B]

Originally Posted by Cutie Patootie

Actually, if a doctor or ped asked me that question, I would look at them all shocked and say, "goodness, you're a doctor! Don't you know???"

Excellent!!!!!

[Tinijocaro]

Because it is not necessary and is not recommended by the AAP. Short simple answer is best.

Originally Posted by justme&my3+1

I know, weird title. But seriously, this is my second son, the first I curcumsised and felt guilty later. Sometime last year I was here on MDC and lurking the posts, like I do daily and came across a post here in this group with a video on youtube of a doctor doing a circumsision and the baby screamed and screamed and I cried. I felt horrible and kept thinking about my son who at that time was 4 years old.

Fast forward to this February when I found out I was pregnant. One of the first things I thought about was if it's a boy I will not circ.

He is a little over a month old and I have had 3 different doctors, my pedi, and family members ask me why I didn't circ him. All I can think of to say is "because I didn't want him to go through the pain". Boy can people come up with some crazy reasons as to why that "little bit of pain" is nothing.

I wish I had a more informed answer to say to everyone. I feel dumb when I answer, and have even doubted my descision because of it.

So please, tell me why you didn't circ your son so I know I did something better for him than "just save him a little bit of pain"

[listipton]

Not wanting to cause unnecessary pain for your infant child is a completely acceptable reason not to circ. I also tell people that we will not be circing ds b/c it is no longer medically recommended and that we didn't circumcise any part of our dd, so why would we circ our ds?? If they're still kind of pushy, ask if they've ever seen a circ done- if the answer is no, send them to a video site and ask them if they would really want to do that to their newborn... I've only had one friend who has really opposed our decision to leave ds intact after all of the above reasons (and then some), but she doesn't have any children and for the time being we are agreeing to disagree...

[justme&my3+1]

Wow, you gals/guys have some REALLY great answers! There are a few that will stick with me always now.

I am also really glad to hear from men on this point of view. My mother told me, "he is going to grow up feeling weird and different, what about when he goes to take a shower during gym". I told her not circing is becoming more and more mainstream as people are starting to realize it was a big fad a long time ago.

I did some research on it last night and feel a lot more informed AND extremely glad I didn't circ.

Thank you for all of your input, it's exactly what I wanted to hear.

[quarteralien]

Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital

The more important question is "Why SHOULD a parent circumcise their son?"

For me personally, and hopefully the large majority of parents reading here on MDC, the answer is "There is no good, compelling reason to do it." Therefore, without sufficient evidence in favor of circumcision, the default choice should be to not do it.

: This is the basis for every parenting decision I make now. What is default? Is there a compelling reason to change the default?

Originally Posted by justme&my3+1

I am also really glad to hear from men on this point of view. My mother told me, "he is going to grow up feeling weird and different, what about when he goes to take a shower during gym". I told her not circing is becoming more and more mainstream as people are starting to realize it was a big fad a long time ago.

My mom said the same thing when my oldest was born. I asked her when "everyone else is doing it" was ever an acceptable reason to do something. Besides, as you've discovered, the rates have dropped so much that, depending on where you live, his poor circed buddies might be the ones who feel weird. You did good! Keep it up!

[Bm31]

Originally Posted by justme&my3+1

I am also really glad to hear from men on this point of view. My mother told me, "he is going to grow up feeling weird and different, what about when he goes to take a shower during gym". I told her not circing is becoming more and more mainstream as people are starting to realize it was a big fad a long time ago.

Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.

[calngavinsmom]

Honestly my biggest reason was that it took a long while, and an operation to treat endometriosis before I could concieve my son. I spent nine long months hoping and worrying about him being born healthy and perfect, not needing an operation.

Why for gosh sakes would I put my long awaited, perfect son through an operation that A)he didn't need, B)is extremely painful and C)could end up taking him from me?(death is a rare but real complication)

It all just hurt my heart too much to consider.

You done good

Take care,
Tara

[leila1213]

Originally Posted by quarteralien

My mom said the same thing when my oldest was born. I asked her when "everyone else is doing it" was ever an acceptable reason to do something.

Exactly! What mother worth her salt would ever use this as a reason for anything??

Originally Posted by Bm31

Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.

I'm so sorry!!

OP, you've gotten so many good responses here. I would have a hard time choosing one for myself, if I ever get the opportunity to answer the question. So I'm thinking, maybe I would say something along the lines of "I have about 1,000 reasons. How many would you like to hear today??"

[Night_Nurse]

I must say, nobody has ever said anything about my ds being intact. If a family member, friend or even a stranger asked why we didn't circ I think I'd say either-
1- well, we didn't surgically remove any normal functioning body parts from our daughter so why would we remove them from our son?
2- Neither the AAP or any medical organization endorses routine circumcision and as a nurse I've seen plenty of mishaps so why would I put my child through that?
3- My religion doesn't command it and I believe my higher power sent me a perfectly created child who doesn't need cosmetic surgery. For nine months I prayed for a healthy child. I got one. There's nothing on his body that needs to be "fixed".
(http://udonet.com/circumcision/christian.html is a good site that explains the Christian perspective of circ).

But maybe the best thing you can do if someone asks you why not is to ask them why you should, and then debunk their myths with these comebacks:
http://www.circumstitions.com/One-liners.html

[3pink1blue]

I always say "Because we just didn't."

[snangel]

I have chosen to leave all of my son's intact (I have 3) because...
No medical organization in the world promotes it, or has any reason for it to be done.
Over 80% of the world is intact
There is no reason to preform cosmetic surgery on a new born
It is not my penis, it is my son's he should make the decisions regarding it
the complications from circ can range from adhesion all the way to death
It is not my right to cut off the most sensitive areas of my son's penis
And most of all because my son's were born perfect, it is not my job to alter them to "please" myself or anyone else. my son's penis's are none of nobody's business but my son's.
I love my babies more then anything else in this world, I could not imagine hurting them for no reason at all. There is no valid reason to circ an infant. An infant can not have proper pain relief, an adult can. An infant can't give consent to cosmetic surgery, an adult can.
Congrats to you for leaving your son intact, and listening to that voice inside you.

[momongeon]

Originally Posted by Bm31

Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.

Thank you for sharing your story. This was my biggest fear when DH opposed intactness. I cried many nights when I was pregnant having nightmares about my unborn child having to go through the procedure.

[liseux]

Because the complication rate of routine circ is higher than any complication that can arise from having a foreskin

Doctors need to learn to treat the whole body, they need to be educated on NORMAL anatomy.


Everything else has already been said,

[justme&my3+1]

Originally Posted by Bm31

Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I really needed to hear a mans perspective especially in a locker room scenerio. I feel 100% better about my decision and will be very prepared the next time I am asked. I do however feel even more horrible (which I should) for what I did to my first son Hopefully he won't have any complications.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[Bm31]

justme and momongeon, you're very welcome if it helps put things in perspective and reinforce your good decisions. Like liseux said, the complications arising from circ are every bit as bad (and sometimes worse in my exp.) as any problem arising from leaving a child as nature intended. I was embarrassed and ashamed by the whole thing (and had a lot of unanswered questions) until I started doing some research about my past about 7 years ago. Now I'm much more comfortable speaking out about it, both online and IRL. I'm not looking for any sympathy, but I will gladly tell my story if it might save even one child from being cut up.

(Thank you too, leila!)

[Microsoap]

If you want another man's opinion, here's mine.

Intact male in Ontario born 1975. Grew up in the '80s where I'd estimate 70% or more of my peers were circ'd. We NEVER had to get naked for gym class during public school (grades 1-8) and the one mandatory semester of high school (grades 9-12). But, that didn't mean there weren't situations where nudity did happen in the locker room. Swimming pools had boys changing, either out in the open or wrapping a towel around themselves (I think other males would KWIM). Nothing to do w/ circumcision, but personal feelings of privacy (some liberal, some not so much). But even then, I heard not once a boy being teased because he was intact (again, this is through the '80s where the majority was circ'd).

Even today, boys change the same way (either freely or w/ a towel). I've gone swimming the past 3 or 4 summers and haven't witnessed any teasing. [about the only 'story' I can give you are these 7-year-olds from a day camp and a very liberal (intact) boy changing and the 3 other boys on the other side of the room only exclaiming that they could see his "dick", not that he cared]. I think as the summers have gone on, more boys seem to change before/after or wrap a towel around them. I doubt it's just my geographical area.

You're in the U.S. where the national average is 55% and falling. But even if you were in a high-circ area, permanent amputation [I guess ALL forms of amputation are permanent! ;-)] to avoid teasing is: INSANE!!!!! Why is THAT the one allowance when your kids are -- in a great way -- all unique in soooo many ways???? :-)

And to amputate and impact his adult sexual life in a negative way just to avoid teasing, just underlines the insanity. You teach your kids how to respond. :-)