Goodness of Fit between child and mother

[Surfacing]

So here I am with baby #2 who is 9 mos. old. She and I fit just great. My older dd (3.5 y.o.) and I rub against each other though. It's so hard not to take her normal 3 y.o. prima donna stuff personally. I just get so sick of her temper tantrums and the way she goes on and on and on................................. I work my a$$ off for her and the family and don't feel appreciated. I should get off this thinking though, it doesn't seem helpful.

sigh

Just having a rough day. It'll get better. I'm just amazed at how quickly I can jump from having a rough day to feeling like I want to be done with parenting all together. This kind of all-or-nothing shift is drastic, even I can see that, as an observer of my own thoughts. I wonder if that's symptom of my mood problems or something.

Please just send some hugs and tell me it'll be better.

[Magella]

I know the feeling. That goodness of fit thing...we have that problem here too.

It'll get better. :

[Surfacing]

Thank you. I know when I start to take her tantrums personally that is the wrong track, I need to refocus and keep in perspective that it's developmentally appropriate, etc. I notice I feel worst when I've hung around with certain of my friends who are confidently of a more rigid parenting philosophy. Sometimes I'm so confused as to what to do because dd seems to respond well to boundaries and she tests repeatedly. Sometimes I have the energy to handle it well and remain very patient.....other times my worst side shows through (like now as some depression and anxiety have flared up again and I'm changing meds).

Once I examine that feeling too, that I do xyz so dd1 should appreciate me -- no, this is not the case. I should do xyz because I think it's right, it fits with my philosophies, etc.

I worry about how depression, anxiety, and the negativity I feel sometimes will affect my children. I remember what it was like to grow up with a depressed mother. I guess the good thing is that I'm working on it and getting meds, going to counselling.

Thanks for the encouragement. I am just working on self-control so I can be the best parent I can be to my older dd who is a rough fit for me.

[friendlymamma]

I completely relate to how you feel. I've noticed that my mood is sooooo affected by how the kids are that day. If they are cranky, fussy, and argumentative (4 y/o) I get so emotional and weepy. I hate that I still am so unstable like that, it makes me feel weak. But, I try to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and refocus. It will get better, so hugs to you

also remember, that your kids may not fully appreciate you until they are much, much older. That's just the way it is. I don't think I appreciated my mom one bit until I left, and that was when I was 22! Don't feel like your work is for nothing, it is for everything! Do your best, and she will say thank you some day.

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by friendlymamma

I've noticed that my mood is sooooo affected by how the kids are that day. If they are cranky, fussy, and argumentative (4 y/o) I get so emotional and weepy. I hate that I still am so unstable like that, it makes me feel weak. But, I try to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and refocus. It will get better, so hugs to you

also remember, that your kids may not fully appreciate you until they are much, much older.

Thanks

You know, I hate it when my mood gets so down. I lose perspective on so many things in my life that are good. I have no patience with things.

I want to write more but baby needs me.

[Surfacing]

It's been a rough little while but I'm tying a knot and hanging on.