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HBAT Tribe

post #1 of 77
10/19/08 at 3:21pm
Thread Starter 
I had a dream a few nights ago that I came to MDC and created a Healing Birth After Trauma tribe. When I woke up I really wanted to jump right on and start it but I held back because I thought no one would be interested or whomever would say it was pointless or inappropriate or not needed or whatever. But the thought has been nagging me. Instead of calling it healing after trauma I'd rather call it healthy. I like this better because my next birth might not heal me but it might just be a good birth none the less and that's all I can hope for.

I want a support group/tribe for women who are either pregnant or preparing themselves for pregnancy (regardless of degree) after a traumatic birth. I want this for a few reasons 1) to offer support and a home for women, like me, who have had a traumatic birth and who want more children and 2) to let people out there know that it is possible! I'm a little enthusiastic in that I would love to see HBAT (or something like it) used like V/HBAC are (anyone up for making us a smiley? ). I just feel that birth trauma isn't talked about enough anywhere. Maybe that is just me though.

So is anyone else interested in joining my Healthy Birth After Trauma tribe? I do want to say that "birth" here is a broad term- if this means a HB or UC or going in for a voluntary c-section it doesn't matter. Those of us who have been traumatized in birth need support no matter the degree of crunchy we are or our next births will be.

Who's with me?
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post #2 of 77
10/19/08 at 5:25pm
Heh, I clicked on this because I thought HBAT stood for Home Birth After Trauma. But I like your idea too! I definitely had a very healthy, satisfying birth after my first one, which was pretty traumatic, and it's really helped how I feel about that trauma as well as improved my spirit in many other ways.
post #3 of 77
10/19/08 at 6:10pm
I may join you here though I can't guarantee that I'll ever have another birth.
I've always wanted at least 2, preferably 3, kids. But since my traumatic birth I doubt if I'll ever be able to face into that again. Just looking at pregnant women makes my heart race and panic takes over.
But I really don't want my DD to be an only child, and I do desperately want a great birth; the one I worked so hard for last time. I'm only 9 months PP, so even if I hadn't had a traumatic birth I wouldn't be TTC yet anyway.
I'll keep an eye on this thread because I would really like inspiration - it's good for me to hear that other women have overcome birth trauma and gone on to have healing healthy births.
post #4 of 77
10/20/08 at 12:51am
Wow!

I plan on having a healthy birth after trauma. I sure better ... I want plenty of kids!

ITA that birth trauma is not talked about enough. That's why I've been reading and posting here I guess ... I don't know anyone IRL who will admit that their birth wasn't perfect, let alone traumatic!

I'm not sure what form my HBAT will take yet. I'm not really willing to give my MW another shot but there's only one other close enough. And I definitely don't want to start out in the hospital. Of course, I definitely have time to figure that out.
post #5 of 77
10/20/08 at 3:10pm
I would be with you, but honestly, can't imagine when I will be ready, or what my "healing/healthy" birth might look like. i say this because my most recent birth was SUPPOSED to be my "healing" birth after my first trauma..and ended up being SO MUCH WORSE than my first.....and I feel like both times, i made the absolute best choices I could have. SO essentially..I guess i'm wondering if *I* can EVER have a "good birth"?
post #6 of 77
10/20/08 at 3:41pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
I guess i'm wondering if *I* can EVER have a "good birth"?
I feel you on this one. I have 3 children and have yet to have a "good birth". None were traumatic like my last one but still.

I also don't know if I could ever have another baby and remain sane. Pregnancy is as bad as birth for me. I tried watching some birth videos on YouTube the other day but it tore me a new one.

I go back and forth between a UC and crawling to any OB on hands and knees that will give me a c-section. It's horrible I know but it's how I feel.
post #7 of 77
10/20/08 at 9:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
I would be with you, but honestly, can't imagine when I will be ready, or what my "healing/healthy" birth might look like. i say this because my most recent birth was SUPPOSED to be my "healing" birth after my first trauma..and ended up being SO MUCH WORSE than my first.....and I feel like both times, i made the absolute best choices I could have. SO essentially..I guess i'm wondering if *I* can EVER have a "good birth"?


I would love to have a healthy (AND healing) birth after trauma... but this is exactly what I am terrified about. What if I do everything better this time, now that I know what to do/avoid, and I still end up with a traumatic birth? I'm not sure if I could take it. I'm nowhere near (mentally, physically) ready to TTC, but I would like DD to have a sibling not too far from her age... so it's something that I need to start thinking about in the next year or two.
post #8 of 77
10/21/08 at 11:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I go back and forth between a UC and crawling to any OB on hands and knees that will give me a c-section. It's horrible I know but it's how I feel.
Me too.

I think right now I lean more toward UC but of course when you've had a traumatic birth you wonder if your body works right ....
post #9 of 77
10/25/08 at 1:34pm
Hi Everyone,
I am not pregnant, nor having more children, but I want you to KNOW down in the deepest part of your body, in tiniest place that a HBAT is totally possible.

I am living testament to it and it was of the best moments of my life. It was tough work, I did a LOT to get to that place but it is very much a possibility. I wrote a beautiful article about it that unfortunately Mothering didn't publish, but I have it around if anyone would like to read it. Please send me a pm if you do.

Blessings to you all and best of luck,
GC
post #10 of 77
10/25/08 at 1:52pm
I'm not ready to talk yet, but I think this thread is a good idea.
post #11 of 77
10/25/08 at 1:57pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by quarteralien View Post
I'm not ready to talk yet, but I think this thread is a good idea.
post #12 of 77
10/25/08 at 2:02pm
Thanks.
post #13 of 77
10/27/08 at 1:33am
I'm all for that and I was on board when I read the title (although I thought it was Home Birth after Trauma too). But not every healthy, happy birth after trauma is going to take place at home, I just know that mine better. I'm 10 weeks now and doing everything in my power to prevent needing to go to a hospital and being treated like dirt there again. Thanks for creating that, and for following through with your dreams!
post #14 of 77
10/27/08 at 3:26am
Oooooh yes, count me in. I am doing everything I can to make sure that whatever happens, I have prepared to make the best I can out of what we end up going through. I am constantly thinking of ways last time could have been better, and ways that I can use those lessons to improve this time no matter what happens. This is our last child, and I am determined that this time will be a good time. No matter what.
post #15 of 77
10/27/08 at 12:16pm
GREAT IDEA!!! I too clicked on this because I thought it meant Homebirth after a Traumatic birth...which we are planning. I am now 6 weeks pregnant and planning a HBAC for June.
post #16 of 77
10/27/08 at 12:28pm
Count me in.
post #17 of 77
10/28/08 at 4:33pm
All right then, so this sounds like it needs to be an action-oriented tribe, so where do we begin? What I am starting to work on is alternative plans - what can I do to make each possible scenario the best it can be, to minimize trauma to myself, my baby, and my partner. I have not gotten very far yet. I end up getting scared and freaking out.

I am in a better place than when I first got pregnant, my partner and I have worked through most of our issues, and I have managed to forgive myself.

How about you all??
post #18 of 77
10/28/08 at 8:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear View Post
All right then, so this sounds like it needs to be an action-oriented tribe, so where do we begin? What I am starting to work on is alternative plans - what can I do to make each possible scenario the best it can be, to minimize trauma to myself, my baby, and my partner. I have not gotten very far yet. I end up getting scared and freaking out.

I am in a better place than when I first got pregnant, my partner and I have worked through most of our issues, and I have managed to forgive myself.

How about you all??
I think many of us are at a much less-action oriented place, actually. clearly, you have a pressing need to try and work through your issues, if I am reading your sig correctly (congrats!), but I think many of us are a LONG ways off from actual action...more like we're in the pre-planning stages. Several of the stories are from women who are only a few months postpartum, and even many of those of us a bit further out...are not even contemplating another pregnancy yet. I know personally, i have MANY YEARS to get things figured out, cuz there will be no more births here for a good long time!
I think that some are possibly ready to start the action process, and I think thinking about what to change, how to prepare, all the what-ifs? might be a good place to start for some people. Others i think need to do a more introspective type of healing, internally emotional, and deal with those feelings, rather than thinking about plans for a future birth.
I think a lot of us are still just beginning to process the traumatic birth experience(s), and are doing a lot of thinking, talking, reaching out for comfort.
Okay.. think I'm rambling now.
post #19 of 77
10/29/08 at 10:25am
Oh, I SO wish I would have seen this sooner!! I am 3 weeks from my due date and am hoping desperately to have a better birth this time. I have chosen to NOT have another homebirth, which I think is the best decision I have made so far!

Something I have been a little worried about thought, is that I have been SO busy this pregnancy that I haven't really had much time to focus on myself, my body, this baby and I am worried that might come back to bite me when I am in labor this time. I have talked a lot to my MW though and she knows me very well. All I can hope is that I have good support this time, which is something that I haven't had before. I think that right there will make a ton of difference...
post #20 of 77
10/29/08 at 12:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
I think many of us are at a much less-action oriented place, actually. clearly, you have a pressing need to try and work through your issues, if I am reading your sig correctly (congrats!), but I think many of us are a LONG ways off from actual action...more like we're in the pre-planning stages. Several of the stories are from women who are only a few months postpartum, and even many of those of us a bit further out...are not even contemplating another pregnancy yet. I know personally, i have MANY YEARS to get things figured out, cuz there will be no more births here for a good long time!
I think that some are possibly ready to start the action process, and I think thinking about what to change, how to prepare, all the what-ifs? might be a good place to start for some people. Others i think need to do a more introspective type of healing, internally emotional, and deal with those feelings, rather than thinking about plans for a future birth.
I think a lot of us are still just beginning to process the traumatic birth experience(s), and are doing a lot of thinking, talking, reaching out for comfort.
Okay.. think I'm rambling now.
OK, sorry. I'll look elsewhere, maybe a different thread would be better.