HBAT Tribe - Page 3

[Romana]

Just found this thread . . . sign me up!

I also like the emoticon/smiley idea.

I'm in the pre-pre-pre-planning stage. The part where you're really not sure you're willing to do it again, but really want more children.

I like the title of the tribe because Healthy can mean a lot of things, including an incredibly difficult birth. Trauma can be about so many different things.

I don't expect to ever have a birth I enjoy. Part of my healing now, I think, is lessening my focus on the experience and on the birth itself. Accepting that the possibility of a nice birth is remote, and therefore what can I do - what is appropriate for me - to reduce the potential trauma of a future birth. So far, the biggies are a supportive birth team (partner, midwife/HCP, doula, etc.) and quite possibly an epidural.

I'm glad it's not particularly focused on homebirth because I had a traumatic homebirth and hospital (even epidural!) may be the right place for me. Different women have different needs and outcomes . . . I really do like the focus on "healthy" rather than how or what healthy means for a particular woman.

[brightonwoman]

Originally Posted by magstphil

Also I would like to talk about "getting the word out" about birth trauma. I think a lot of women don't even realized that is what has happened to them- that they have been traumatized and even more are ashamed of it especially if they "had done everything right"

Hear hear...
My traumas were miscarriages, so I think less severe than what most of you have been through...however I think the situation is analogous in that it's one of those things that no one will talk about (as you can see in my signature I refuse to be silent!!)

Originally Posted by quarteralien

I was thinking something like this : plus this combined.

me too

Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear

I like the smilie idea too, what about a pair of hands cupping the pregnant belly but without the spiral, maybe a heart inside?, to show support and care (instead of whatever crap actually happened).

this makes me think of the old allstate insurance ads "you're in good hands"...I like that image.

Originally Posted by lisabeeprague

How about a peony (flower) for the emoticon? I looked up flower meanings and it means healing, which is appropriate.

I think that is a GREAT idea, but it should have some kind of text or popup or something so that people know what it means, rather than it just being a pretty pink flower...

Originally Posted by lisabeeprague

I've started out from the most major intervention possible - C-section and I've started slowly building a picture in my head; under what circumstances would I feel that a C-section was actually necessary, e.g. placenta accreta, cord prolapse.. What questions would I ask? If I accept a C-section what can I do to make it the best possible experience? And so on. It's all very hazy and vague right now, but that's probably because I don't have the time pressure that you do. However, I would love to help come up with a 'plan of action' for all of us here.
I'm just not really sure where exactly to start....

Like I said before, my traumas were a slightly different flavor...BUT, I found Birthing From Within very helpful with my healing process. One of the exercises we did was to imagine our worst possible scenario (for me it was things being totally out of my control which was the main issue with the repeated miscarriages--and for my birth scenario the ultimate loss of control was a necessary c/sec). Anyway, we went ahead and visualized the worst coming true, and (in a mini-version) dealt with it, you know? It was very raw and somewhat scary (yet safer than reality because it wasn't reality) and the process helped me get into a mental place where I was more able to go with the flow in labor. Now I had an excellent care provider etc and my subsequent birth was pretty great--but a few things did come up that made us have to deviate from our ideal birth plan, and I was able to 'roll with it' pretty easily and I think my 'worst-case scenario' preparation had helped a lot.
I'm not saying that this kind of process would be helpful for everyone, because 'reliving' past traumas might cause more problems than it would help...but it was very helpful for me, so I thought I'd share.

[brightonwoman]

or put the peony on a belly...

[MadameXCupcake]

I attempted to make an emoticon,..I saw a bandaged heart mentioned in the suggestions thread.

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y10...dheartdone.jpg

I'm not sure if you can tell thats what it is though..

I made one of the belly cast but with a heart but you couldn't tell what it was at all.

[brightonwoman]

what about something like the idea of this : (not the image, but the idea--toggling between an image and some words) it could be the peony and "birth trauma awareness" or "birth trauma healing" or something... putting words over an image makes them both hard to see, so i like the toggling thing.
I have no idea how to do it...but I like it!

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by brightonwoman

what about something like the idea of this : (not the image, but the idea--toggling between an image and some words) it could be the peony and "birth trauma awareness" or "birth trauma healing" or something... putting words over an image makes them both hard to see, so i like the toggling thing.
I have no idea how to do it...but I like it!

I really like this idea too!

I so wish I knew how to make smilies...

[jenneology]

I don't know if this thought is original but I think I may have just came up with a new birth acronym. UBAT for unassisted birth after trauma. That's what my current pregnancy is intended to be. I think there could be a emoticon for that too.

Sidenote: I read the "argument" over is questions and suggestions and after I was done rolling my eyes, I thought make the original post and title could be edited to say emoticon instead of smiley. Then there shouldn't be offense at the cavelierness of the term smiley, right?? Or is it too late for that?

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by jenneology

Then there shouldn't be offense at the cavelierness of the term smiley, right?? Or is it too late for that?

The reason I used smilie was because that is what is used (like in the sticky). I could change it but really why?

I had thought of like home birth after trauma and UC after trauma but for me (and this is just me not saying anyone should agree) I found that I just really need to focus on a HEALTHY birth no matter where that takes me.

ETA- what I mean to say is I think "healthy" encompasses all birth choices as long as they are healthy to the mama and baby.

[La Rune]

I am really liking the emoticon discussion. My only idea was kind of like the : one. I was thinking maybe the outline of a flower (a peony?) like it has the outline of a heart, and the letters BT (instead of HBAT since we won't all have more births) for Birth Trauma.

I also have a copy of Birthing from Within (even though I'm far from being pregnant again!) although I don't really think it's for me. Has anyone worked through the art and the exercises? I'm not an artsy person at all. I feel like I would do better keeping a journal or something but I also feel like I need some sort of guidance, which is why I got the book.

[jenneology]

Originally Posted by magstphil

The reason I used smilie was because that is what is used (like in the sticky). I could change it but really why?

I get it. That's what they're called but some people are going to be sensitive to that sort of thing. Blame it on me being a Libra, I try to be diplomatic and smooth the waves...

Originally Posted by magstphil

I had thought of like home birth after trauma and UC after trauma but for me (and this is just me not saying anyone should agree) I found that I just really need to focus on a HEALTHY birth no matter where that takes me.

ETA- what I mean to say is I think "healthy" encompasses all birth choices as long as they are healthy to the mama and baby.

I get that too. Healthy birth is the greatest need, but for me its a matter of pride and faith (can those words go together?) that expresses my real desires for my next birth. I can see HBAT, HHBAT (healthy homebirth maybe?) and UBAT emoticons to give mamas the expression of whatever their goals are. It maybe that I want the emoticon more after the fact to state what I was able to accomplish, and until then its the goal I'm working toward.

[AutumnAir]

So does anyone know how we actually go about this then? Is there someone here who can design emoticons/smilies?

Originally Posted by brightonwoman

what about something like the idea of this : (not the image, but the idea--toggling between an image and some words) it could be the peony and "birth trauma awareness" or "birth trauma healing" or something... putting words over an image makes them both hard to see, so i like the toggling thing.
I have no idea how to do it...but I like it!

I like this idea too.
Jenneology, would the same thing be accomplished by having both a 'birth trauma healing' emoticon and a 'UC' one in your siggie? Or is it important to you that the ideas be combined into one emoticon?
I'm just wondering, because obviously it will be more difficult logistically to get 4 or 5 emoticons designed and up and running than just one.
Maybe the 'healing birth trauma' emoticon would suffice - and people can combine it with whatever other emoticons they choose - so if one woman decides that the best way for her to have a healing and healthy birth is a C-section then she can put that together with a C-section ribbon.
Personally, I'd like something that is as inclusive as possible - not everyone who has suffered a traumatic birth will be able to or want to have another birth to attempt healing that way, so I think we should have a symbol that simply focuses on Healing after Birth Trauma, however various people choose to do that.

[Photochef]

Originally Posted by La Rune

I also have a copy of Birthing from Within (even though I'm far from being pregnant again!) although I don't really think it's for me. Has anyone worked through the art and the exercises? I'm not an artsy person at all. I feel like I would do better keeping a journal or something but I also feel like I need some sort of guidance, which is why I got the book.

I have read it (after the traumatic birth) and I did try an art exercise, the result was a VERY frightening image that it is hard for me to look at. I am not sure where to go from here.

I would like to see art from other people who have had a traumatic birth, but I don't know how or where to set something up like that, where people could upload images into something like a gallery so that you could discuss it with others.

I could not keep a journal out of worry that my partner would find it and read it (we were at a very bad place).

I did manage to write the birth story, because as much as I like art, I am not very artsy and have no talent. It was easier to write than draw. But the image that I did get out was terrifying, and conveys quite a bit. I guess both really do have merit.

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by jenneology

I get that too. Healthy birth is the greatest need, but for me its a matter of pride and faith (can those words go together?) that expresses my real desires for my next birth. I can see HBAT, HHBAT (healthy homebirth maybe?) and UBAT emoticons to give mamas the expression of whatever their goals are. It maybe that I want the emoticon more after the fact to state what I was able to accomplish, and until then its the goal I'm working toward.

On this I agree with lisabeeprague...

Originally Posted by lisabeeprague

obviously it will be more difficult logistically to get 4 or 5 emoticons designed and up and running than just one.
Maybe the 'healing birth trauma' emoticon would suffice - and people can combine it with whatever other emoticons they choose - so if one woman decides that the best way for her to have a healing and healthy birth is a C-section then she can put that together with a C-section ribbon.
Personally, I'd like something that is as inclusive as possible - not everyone who has suffered a traumatic birth will be able to or want to have another birth to attempt healing that way, so I think we should have a symbol that simply focuses on Healing after Birth Trauma, however various people choose to do that.

**bolding mine**

So does anyone know how we actually go about this then? Is there someone here who can design emoticons/smilies?

I know there is at least one mama here trying her hand at it. I need to give it a go but I'm just not very artsy.

[changingseasons]

I'm still considering trying my hand at the smilie... just haven't had much time this week.

I was looking up flowers some more, and I found that the Eglantine Rose also has a meaning of "a wound to heal".

That flower seems like it might be a lot easier to design than a peony (and easier to tell what it is in a little tiny picture)... and I think it's really pretty too. What do you guys think?

[holyhelianthus]

Her is a direct link to the Eglantine Rose- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_rubiginosa

It's beautiful! And does look more doable.

[quarteralien]

I'm having fun making some craptastic images with GIMP. If I can stand it, I'll post some just for fun. Time for lunch, though.

[brightonwoman]

Originally Posted by La Rune

I also have a copy of Birthing from Within (even though I'm far from being pregnant again!) although I don't really think it's for me. Has anyone worked through the art and the exercises? I'm not an artsy person at all. I feel like I would do better keeping a journal or something but I also feel like I need some sort of guidance, which is why I got the book.

Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear

I have read it (after the traumatic birth) and I did try an art exercise, the result was a VERY frightening image that it is hard for me to look at. I am not sure where to go from here.

I would like to see art from other people who have had a traumatic birth, but I don't know how or where to set something up like that, where people could upload images into something like a gallery so that you could discuss it with others.

I could not keep a journal out of worry that my partner would find it and read it (we were at a very bad place).

I did manage to write the birth story, because as much as I like art, I am not very artsy and have no talent. It was easier to write than draw. But the image that I did get out was terrifying, and conveys quite a bit. I guess both really do have merit.

I felt weird and uncomfortable about doing the art on my own, but when DH and I both did it in the context of the BFW class I did find it very cathartic. I didn't keep any of the pictures, but I was able to 'get them out of my system' you know? I hadn't realized some of the things I was carrying inside, and getting them out was a burden lifted from me.
Also, like the book talks about, the things that your art focuses on or leaves out can tell a lot about your true fears/worries/perceptions. Often, as the one drawing, you may not realize that you've enhanced this or neglected that...so it's helpful to have a neutral third party (ie, the BFW teacher) to help you look at it and talk about it.
For me, personally, it was really helpful to have my DH be part of the process, because he and I were able to touch base about our separate feelings/perceptions. I think many of us here relate to feeling like our partners weren't really with us in the trauma (or even were part of teh cause) and obviously that's something with long-reaching effects...I found the art process cathartic and healing to us as a couple as well as for me as a birthing woman.

With all that said...not everyone likes BFW...so if it totally rubs you the wrong way then don't try to force yourself into it.

[Photochef]

Hey, I posted a question in the regular Birth and Beyond,

could some people from here check it out and leave your thoughts for me?
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=993004

The title is: For those of you who have given birth with an epidural and without...

I am working on my birth plans (back ups) and insight from you guys would be great.

Thanks!

[La Rune]

Thanks MamaCaveBear and brightonwoman.

That's true about having a neutral party to evaluate things. I think that could be a good thing. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to let someone else in on that level like you bw, or whether I need to keep it private like you MCB ... it's good to know the art can be helpful. That makes me a little more open to it. Reading about it "in theory" I think eh, I don't know about drawing.

I guess my comfort level with the sharing is something I need to decide before I try to move into that area.

[valkyrina]

it's really happening!

So I posted a thread about this a while back and got some good feedback, but I thought I would share with you all that it's really happening: my birth story group is meeting on Friday night at my house! A lot of the other women I know seem really excited about it, too. We are going to have a couple of babysitters in the nursery with the babes so that we can talk without interruption but still be close by, and it should be really healing. Most of the women in my moms' group seem like they really want to talk about their births, and I'm psyched to hear their stories, and, of course, to share my own. I'll let you all know how it goes!

In other news, I had a counseling appointment today, and told some of the worst moments from our birth story. And just to have someone say "oh my god, that must have been horrible for you" went a really long way. sigh of relief; I'm not crazy. :