HBAT Tribe - Page 4

[La Rune]

That sounds great, valkyrina! I hope I get to participate in something like that one day.

Well, I guess if I do get into the art in Birthing From Within, it will be on my own. I finally got around to looking them up and there are no classes even remotely nearby.

[holyhelianthus]

Maybe we could start an online BFW art group? I have been thinking about that book. I first got it when I was preggers with Olive and read through it and thought "meh. My births weren't great but not traumatic so I don't really need this" I must have jinxed myself. Of late I have been thinking of picking the book up again.

**********************

I find more and more everyday that I want a BABY. But the birth is what is standing in my way. Even the thought of being pregnant isn't driving me away like it once did (I get pretty bad hyper emesis). I keep looking at baby things and fixing up our small little apartment. I cleared a space in mine and DH's room all the while thinking "this is where the baby's amby will go" I've been thinking so much about it that I am beginning to think it is the Lord's (or the baby's!) way of saying "Margaret, you need to be getting ready for this". Hopefully they have given me a few YEARS head start.

[Photochef]

Originally Posted by magstphil

Maybe we could start an online BFW art group? I have been thinking about that book. I first got it when I was preggers with Olive and read through it and thought "meh. My births weren't great but not traumatic so I don't really need this" I must have jinxed myself. Of late I have been thinking of picking the book up again.

**********************

I find more and more everyday that I want a BABY. But the birth is what is standing in my way. Even the thought of being pregnant isn't driving me away like it once did (I get pretty bad hyper emesis). I keep looking at baby things and fixing up our small little apartment. I cleared a space in mine and DH's room all the while thinking "this is where the baby's amby will go" I've been thinking so much about it that I am beginning to think it is the Lord's (or the baby's!) way of saying "Margaret, you need to be getting ready for this". Hopefully they have given me a few YEARS head start.

Huh, could have written both entries myself.

I would love an online version of a BFWish art group, there is an art area on the Solace forum, if that helps.

And as far as wanting a baby like that and having unconscious thoughts that the baby is coming and making preparations, that was exactly how I felt before I concieved this time, and since my partner is a woman, it wasn;t like an 'oops' could happen, I just knew somehow, that it was going to happen, and at the very last minute, voila...every little piece fell into place. I only had a month and a half notice though! But I was SO sure, that I started taking prenatal vitamins.

[triscuitsmom]

I am so grateful to have found this tribe, I belong here. Don't have a lot to add right now, but I am glad you are all here in this space.

[holyhelianthus]

So recently I think I have allowed myself to consider a hospital birth. I can hear the snide remarks already from those who were against me HBing in the first place and that's what I want to avoid. I am thinking if I do get preggers again of telling no one until they notice- just keeping it to DH and I. And as for the birth plans I whole heartedly plan on telling no one I know. Honestly I have told myself I will labor as long as I can and if I feel the need to go to the hospital I will and if not I will just UC. My point is I plan on nothing and everything. Kind of like when the time comes I'll just play it by ear. And you know that has given me waaaaaaay less stress.

[valkyrina]

Welcome, triscuitsmom! When you would like to talk(electronically) about it, we are all here.

magstphil:glad to hear you are feeling less stress. I have been thinking a lot about our next birth, and I feel like I also need to try and just be accepting of what comes, whether it's a hospital birth or a homebirth. I am going to try for what I want, but I think I will be much better informed this time around, and be a much better advocate for myself and my baby. Does this mean we are on the road to peace? I hope so.

I have to say that I've been feeling better about our birth lately, and have actually been able to admit that I really don't think it could have gone better than it did. I think that talking about it with my therapist has helped, but I actually think that having the birth story group (which is awesome, btw!) has helped even more. Just to know that I have a safe space with other supportive women to tell my story and have it be accepted is incredibly powerful.

And now I would like to try writing about it. I guess we'll see how that goes...

[Maggirayne]

I've been meaning to post and say I'm looking forward to a healing birth. Mine was more disappointing than traumatic, but I've still had a lot of anger. I was really scared to get pregnant unless my husband agreed to a homebirth, which he reservedly had right before we found out we were pregnant!. We are planning our homebirth now, with a midwife I really clicked with. I am so excited for this baby, and can I say almost more for a homebirth?

[AutumnAir]

Hey congratulations! : Happy & healthy pregnancy and lots of vibes: for a healing and healthy birth.

[wombatclay]

I had an emotionally devastating c/s birth with dd1, a physically debilitating VBAC with dd2, and I'm now pregnant with babe #3. I'm interviewing a homebirth midwife on Thursday but I honestly don't know what I'm going to do this time. With dd2 I was soooo committed to vbac, and it was a very (emotionally) healing experience, but the physical trauma is still interfering with my health 19 months later. I just don't know what to do... what choice will result in the least amount of damage?

It bothers me a bit that I'm not coming at this birth from a "what will bring the most joy/be the healthiest option" but from a negative "what will cause the least damage" perspective. I know I need to work on that. But given my past two birth experiences I guess I have a hard time imagining a truly "healthy" birth. I almost feel like I have to choose between emotional/spiritual health and physical health. So hopefully I can move through this place and make decisions from a more hopeful perspective.

[Photochef]

That is a tough position Wombatclay, my heart goes out to you. I think I would go through physical difficulties to avoid the emotional nightmare/daymare I have lived in for the past 20 months. But I haven't had bad physical problems, so I don't have that perspective....I just know I cant be emotionally damaged again and live through it, or at least live through it well. Ugh.

[Maggirayne]

Thank you, AutumnAir! I am really excited.

Aw, man, s wombatclay. That sounds tough. I don't know what to say, but wanted you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[robbins611]

Can I join mamas? I'm newly preggo after trying a while for baby #5. I've had all highly interventive higher-risk disempowering births where I truly feel I was abused during labor. I'm a tough mama who doesn't take crap but I have been completely brainwashed into thinking my OB was my salvation and the only person keeping me and my babies alive.

My last pregnancy ended at 33wks when I had a hemmorhage while at a shoe store and was sent via ambulance to the hospital. I had an emergency c/s by my OB and I was told I had a placental abruption. Baby and I survived after a 2week disempowering nicu stay. At my postpartum appt I got the pathology report which stated that the placenta was normal. The day before the bleeding happened my OB had uped my dosage of blood thinner dramatically...I asked her if that had caused my bleeding and she said no...which was a lie....but I believed her and didn't ask anymore questions until I was planning another baby. After going over the path report and records with another ob and midwife, I discovered that my bleeding was a hemorrhage that was in my uterus but not near the placenta, because I was over-dosed on heparin. I was blessed that I had a bleed in my uterus because anywhere else would have probably killed me. I would sew her and make a huge public outcry...but the statutes of limitations have passed and I can't even though I just found out.

I feel so betrayed and hurt finding out the truth. I suffered ptsd after the hemmorhage because I lost enough blood to need a transfusion.. and it happened in front of my 3 young children. It was devistating watching blood pour down my legs and wondering if my baby would survive. No one ever even tried to help me process what happened. My OB just said.."well we always knew you had risk factors"

The real kicker is that I don't have a blood clotting disorder anymore so I don't need high-risk care. I have a wonderful hb midwife now. But I have panicky feelings still like someone will hurt me or something terrible will happen. I've had 5 babies and haven't even ever gone into labor on my own...all but 1 was an unneccessary induction. I want peace. I want to truly trust that I am safe and that my body CAN do this.

I know this is a huge story...but it is the first time I've told it and it feels good. Please comment so I don't feel so alone.

[Maggirayne]

MDC just ate my longer post, twice But get counseling, talk through your fears with your midwife, look on this forum for resources. Birthing from Within is a good book for facing fears. I hope and pray this birth goes much better.

[bingham1]

I think it is a wonderful idea! I am in. I need this.

[valkyrina]

Gini,

wow. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I'm shocked at how your OB lied to you. It makes me so angry to hear about things like this! And please don't feel alone; we are all here because we had births that were... I don't even have an adjective that would be adequate. But you know exactly what I mean.

I know what you mean about never having gone into labor. I have two kids and I don't even know what labor feels like. I have felt, from the beginning, like the boys and I missed out on a really big, important experience. Other (more mainstream) moms tell me that I'm lucky to not know, but I think I would give anything to have it happen the next time around. I pray that this pregnancy is easier for you, and that you find some peace with this birth.

[milkybean]

Perfect place for me.

Though first I need to have a pregnancy, which I hope will be a Healing Pregnancy After a *never clinically troublesome but really really annoying and difficult and miserable all the same* Pregnancy.

[Maggirayne]

How is everyone?

I realized I wanted to come back here and post after my wonderful second birth.

I had posted this thread, and updated it today.