kd complications

[cwilson19]

hi all,
so recently one of my dearest friends told my partner that he would be willing to be our donor. however, he is recently engaged and i can sense some complications that may come from her. he said that he didn't really think so but that we should talk to her about it. we're not as close with her and i can't help but worry that starting this conversation with her could cause some serious complications in their lives. any suggestion on what to do next would be greatly appreciated!

[FtMPapa]

BTDT, give them some time to talk it over. If she's on board, it will be wonderful, if she's not, it will be seriously bad.

It would be a huge concern of mine if he wanted to donate without telling her, or without really asking for her input. That is the kind of thing that will spell trouble down the line.

Have a conversation with all four of you if she's still on board after their initial chats.

I have seen it work very well for two different families I know who used a straight, partnered donor - in both cases, the GF was way on board.

Good luck! Hope it works for you!

[megan sacha]

I would definitely make sure she's fully on board and supportive of this. You don't want to do it otherwise. Our donor's partner even signed the legal contract along with us and our donor which I think is a very good idea in case something were to come up there in the future. Our attorney thought this was pretty essential.

[carmen358]

Our KD discussed it with his partner (whom I've only met a few times) all on his own and then came back to us with the 'ok' from her. It worked for all of us that that discussion was something between them and shouldn't involve me or my partner.

[giggleblue]

been in that situation.

it was a close friend of mine. we have known each other for about 8 years. i approached him asking him to be a kd and he was okay with it, but mentioned it to his girlfriend, and she wasn't. it took him forever to come clean about it and he was beating around giving us an answer for quite sometime, until i finally asked him about it.

i'm fine with the fact that he said no, but he feels guilty about it because he's not making everyone "happy". whatever. i figure if his relationship with his girlfriend means so much to him, then this is what it is.

we went on to use a bank after a bunch of these issues, because ultimately it was difficult to find a man who was all the way on board. each time, with each guy it was some new issue.

i'm not trying to be debbie downer, i just really think it helps to know and accept that she could say no. we thought she would say yes and were kinda caught back when she aid no, especially since she is a girlfriend and i have known him for longer, but she had no respect for that fact.

[astar326]

Originally Posted by megan sacha

I would definitely make sure she's fully on board and supportive of this. You don't want to do it otherwise. Our donor's partner even signed the legal contract along with us and our donor which I think is a very good idea in case something were to come up there in the future. Our attorney thought this was pretty essential.

My dp and I were engaged when we discussed the possiblity of him being the kd for our dear friends. I think looking back it was important for all of us to be there on the same page and talk about lots of different issues. We all also signed legal contracts. If this girl isn't open to meeting to discuss & signing papers, I wouldn't pursue this kd.

[ladida1977]

Sometimes the known donor thing is really hard. When I first started trying to conceive, we were using a friend. The issue I had was that I needed him to be there when I needed him to be there, not when he felt like taking the time. It was like pulling teeth sometimes, especially because he was my partners..sisters.. boyfriend. Sometimes they would get into a fight and he wouldn't want to come over because she may be there. UGH!!!!

I think it is great when someone finds a donor that is willing to be completely on board but I found the bank a lot easier. The sperm was there when I needed it with NO DRAMA!!!! :-)