Dangerous

[Justice2]

Well, mom and I just had the talk about homebirth. I tried to tell her about statistics and such and her response was "Women need to understand that having a baby is dangerous". My response...."It's comments like that that make having a baby dangerous. Having a baby is what a woman's body was designed to do. Comments like that make women fear what their body is supposed to do. Comments like that end up in interventions that make having a baby dangerous...Having a baby isn't dangerous....making women fear having a baby is what makes having a baby dangerous."

So, did that sound ok? Is there anything else that I can add to that to make her understand exactly how safe it is to have a baby at home? Thanks ladies

[momto l&a]

IMO from all the statistics I have found hospital births have a higher % of things going wrong as they use so many interventions. I cant remember where I found all my info as I was looking for info before my first was born, of course at home. That usually shut people up when they tried to tell me hospitals where so much "safer".

IMO some thing just shouldnt be talked about with some family, one is hb's and the other is vaccines oh and add to that list is home schooling. All that to say I wouldnt really bother trying to make her understand.

[Mama2ABCD]

i agree, justice2!

my dh would also add that female animals won't give birth if they sense danger (fear) even if they are in labor. this is instinctive and human females are the same way.
i can see why a hospital environment and that most woman don't educate themselves about what their body is doing in labor would make moms not progress, fear it, and interventions take over making a less safe outcome in hospital. (i hope i said this right).

a midwife told me "doctors should deal with complications not create them".

[lauraess]

here's my 2cents: I went naively into my first birth thinking i would say " I want to do it natural" and get it.: :
----Ended up w/ a emergency c-sec due to heart rate and blood prsure drops--- no explanation for that-- except for the fact that the drugs were relentlessly pushed on me by nurses,(to which I finally agreed) After having a surprise water-breaking by the dr. in the group who just happened to be in the neighborhood when i was having my first non-stress test. I went in ignorant and came out looking for answers.
Second birth: LOts of reading, NURse midwives, Doula, NO DRugs, Visuallization practice of getting through the fear i couldnt get a handle on...... 32 hours after water breaks on own, 9 cm and a lip, heart rate decelerations.,C-section AGAIN.
MY Thoughts are that since the never-ceasing fear was so deepseated in me Based on the fact that I was constantly told all my life how small i was, and how could i have a natural birth, Ya da ya da, and the inadequacy complex I had over this... WELl, maybe that FEAR hindered me so much I just couldnt quite Get there. Thats what I really think. FEAR is SO powereful.
light and love.
Laura

[tinyshoes]

Good response, Justice2, and you may get a 'convert' if you can excise the reasons why your mom is convinced birth is dangerous.

Ask her why she thinks birth is dangerous...and I' wonder if it isn't possible that her reasons aren't some of the samne reasons homebirthers have!

i.e., what if the mother hemmorages after the birth?

well, the chance of hemmorage at home is lessened, because drugs aren't used, fundal pressure during pushing doesn't happen, and the cord/placenta aren't yanked out

OR

what if the cord's wrapped around the baby's neck?

Again, a decent concern--and the laymen I've ever talked to calm way down the minute the learn the frequency of the nuchal cord (I've heard 10, 15, 20% of all births!) and that all the birth attendant does is help loop it over baby's head.

I wouldn't want a freaking-out OB to see that and rush me into the OR to 'save the baby with the cord wrapped aroubd its neck'...heck, I don't even want that insta-cord clamp OBs prefer over the neck-loop.

Your mom may begin to see that, yeah, the danger might be a lot LESS about the birth, and a lot MORE about who and how the birth is handled! And the things that scare her might be the EXACT things that scare you, too!

HTH

[Jacqueline]

Justice2, I just wrote my mom a long letter today about why we've chosen homebirth (it's our first and I'm in week 13). My mom hasn't asked me any questions directly, but when she phoned the other night (she lives a couple states away), dh answered the phone and he later told me that she was concerned about the birth and is worried about complications, etc. He told her to talk to me about it, but she didn't bring this up with me once during our phone call. So, I decided to write her a letter, along with some basic statistical research.

My mom was scared of labor-all four times she gave birth! So, it's hard to convince someone who's so fearful that this is a safe option. But, it sounds like you've done a good job. I've discovered that there are a few people that it's worth my energy to explain this to, and I felt like my mom was definitely one of them. It's a major educational piece for her and a growing thing for me, as well.

Here's hoping they get it, maybe not now, but maybe later!

[hotmamacita]

Hi, I grew up in Austin. Lived in the hill country in 01-02 as well. Congrats on your pregnancy.

You handled that really well!!!!! I am impressed.

I have never had a hospital birth b/c I feel they are dangerous unless you really, really need to go for emergency care. Now I had two singletons and a set of twins at home. We had all sorts of complications. Breech presentations, (The twins were a frank and a footling breech). Lots of cords around neck. (four out of four) Breathing problems and more. I had skilled midwives and researched my tail off, so did my dh.

You were so correct in what you said to her. It is the fear of birth that can make it dangerous.

Peace and Blessings on your baby and her/his birth,

[Pigpen]

double post...

[Pigpen]

latest Mothering mag. has a great article you could copy for her...

On page 25. It's speaking mainly of cesarean rates. At the end of the article it talks about how the "US ranks 21st among nations in infant mortality and has not improved measurably since the 1970's". So despite all that great equipment you'll find in every hospital, every intervention known to man, the outcome is no better than before they introduced most of it. It also talks about the top 10 countries as far as having the lowest infant and maternal mortality rates. They have midwifery, NOT obstetrics as the standard of birth care. And homebirth, NOT hospital birth is the standard in the top 10 countries. It's a great, succinct article, I think she'd appreciate it!

[Justice2]

I think you all really, really give my mother WAY to much credit for being a reasonable human being. Her birth story with my brother is that they had to "rib her bones apart" to deliver him and that they both almost died (you have to know my mother to understand my skeptisism (sp)). So now, every birth, every where, with every woman is dangerous. She tells me often that she would trade my 144 hour labor and delivery of my 3 lb, 8 weeks premature baby for her 40 hour labor and delivery with my brother....SHE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND OR ACCEPT AND REVELANT INFORMATION THAT TELLS HER THAT HOMEBIRTH IS A SAFE ALTERNATIVE TO A MORE DANGEROUS HOSPITAL BIRTH....it doesn't matter what I show her, or what statistics I can dig up. It's the same with my non circ stand, my clother diapering stand, my breastfeeding stand AND my non vaxing stand, she refuses to listen to reason........SOOOOOOOOOOO.....

We will simply argue over it until it's done and then I can say "I told you so"....like always

[Sustainer]

I think your answer was perfect.

You could also add that, if she does her homework, the truth is that the safest place to have a baby is at home. Countries which follow the midwifery model of care have lower mortality rates than the US.

When I first told my MIL I was having a home birth, she had a huge argument with me. I later sent over a stack of information, and while I don't believe it changed her mind, she did tell dp that she had no idea I had done so much research.

[wildthing]

Alice,
I think your last post really summed it up....there is nothing you can say that will convonce your mother that homebirth is a safe way to have a baby.

I really didn't get much resistance to my homebirths. Curiosity, but that's about it. My MIL and FIL were both born at home in Holland, and FIL was very supportive. MIL has been exposed to the American way of birth (all 4 of her kids were born her), so she worries. My mother was amazed that I could do it, and very proud of it too.

Some people will never agree that homebirth is a safe option. But, honestly, no one in the hospital-birth side is ever going to be able to convince ME that a hospital is the best place for a healthy mother to give birth either.

[applejuice]

Do what you want.

You are an adult.

This is your baby, your body, your medical bill, your life.

Tell her to butt out.