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DSD "spying" on us after bedtime! - Page 2

post #21 of 37
Thread Starter 
i really like the chime thing. i will put one on their door. i always close their door at night b/c the dog tries to sleep on the bottom bunk with DSD2 and she doesnt like it. so i can put a chime on their and then she will know tha ti know that she is up. she did tell me that she spies on purpose. that bothers me as i allow everyone to have privacy (to a safe extent) and that it is wrong to cross my fence like that. she did "see" it as she had a very good description to tell her mother. i am not worried about the catching us part. i have caught my parents before. however, she has been molested before. an older girl got her to submit to some exploration a while ago. she is in therapy and i have told her therapist about it. she has a habit of crossing peoples boundaries. i will get a door chime. i do have a lock on my door. i have used the lock. however sometimes we DTD on a spur of the moment, oh-my-goodness the baby rolled over to her own bed and we are still awake enough to want to times, kwim? the chime on her door might be enough to encourage her to sleep through the night too. she is always so tired in the morning and says she doesnt sleep at all. i know she sleeps b/c she is sleeping soundly when i go to bed, and sleeping soundly when i wake up. but apparently not in the middle of the night. she sees her therapist tomorrow morning so we will talk about the not sleeping thing and the boundaries again.
post #22 of 37
Yeah, to some extent I see the sneaking as normal kid behavior. I think the therapist can help shed some light on that for you. Given what you are stated about her history of molestation, I would be concerned about not creating a situation where she could be exposed to it. You have to be vigiliant about closing your door and locking it. I hope that and the addition of a chime help. GL
post #23 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by plunky View Post
I wonder if I'll think like this when my kid gets older. Interesting to think about. I've never had a problem DTD in relatives' houses, etc, though, so I'm inclined to think not. Everyone knows you have sex if you're married and especially if you have a kid. I really don't get why it's a problem for your kid to discover you're having sex. They'll tell on you for doing something that everyone knows you're doing?
Well, it would be awkward ofr my kids to see me and my Hubby DTD. But you don't know my stepdaughter like I do. It would be mortifying for my stepdaughter to see us DTD and them proceed to tell her Mother and everyone else she knows what she saw, in full detail, which she would because she wouldn't be able to contain herself. Know what I mean?
post #24 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
Well, it would be awkward ofr my kids to see me and my Hubby DTD. But you don't know my stepdaughter like I do. It would be mortifying for my stepdaughter to see us DTD and them proceed to tell her Mother and everyone else she knows what she saw, in full detail, which she would because she wouldn't be able to contain herself. Know what I mean?
I've imagined this very scenario:
"Mama, I saw Daddy and ProtoLawyer in bed like in my book, they were naked and making funny noises I think there was a penis and a vagina and a penis and I think they were trying to make a baby brother for me and he would have a penis too."

(SD is slightly obsessed with the word 'penis' these days, and wants, specifically, a baby brother.)

Adding to the potential for misery is the fact that SD's mom has a history of childhood abuse, and if SD came to her with a narrative like that...well...I know Mom has no expectation that her ex and I will abstain when SD is around (since she's often around for several nights in a row), but she would quite possibly assume we were at best negligent (plopping SD in front of the TV while we DTD with the door wide open?) or worse.
post #25 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Cellaneous View Post
I'm no expert, having just stumbled in here from the main board, but just wanted to chime in & say I think this is pretty normal behaviour for a kid ... or at least I hope it is, as I myself did some covert espionage on my parents back in the day! Unless there's a pattern here I don't know about, I would be less inclined to see this as something sneaky and disturbing and more inclined to see it as natural curiousity. Maybe have a little talk with her about privacy, and then get a lock for your bedroom door.
:

I could not have said it better.
post #26 of 37
Thread Starter 
DSD1 said that she likes to peak under the door. i didnt think you could see anything that way. the door has a 2 inch gap on the bottom so that the air can flow. it makes the furnace more efficient. so even i if i make sure the door is closed and locked she can still look under the door. i will be getting a chime. i told her i would be getting it too. i told her it wont be an alarm that would wake the whole house, just a chime that would only wake me. i told her that i understand why she wants to roam around at night by herself and that it is ok to feel that way but i cant let you be by yourself at night like that because it is not safe. i need to know when you are not in your room. it is more than just the "its not nice to spy" thing. she understood. she always does. i think she is gifted. she hasnt gotten out of bed for the last 2 nights and i havent even bought the chime thing yet.
she also thinks she knows more than everyone else. she is famous for the saying "you might be right if you were me". she kills me.
once again the mommas from mdc helped me to put stuff into perspective while i was in the middle of freaking out!
post #27 of 37
A lock on your door sounds like the most sensible answer to this problem, and I am surprised you didn't just go for that first. I wouldn't worry about a chime.

Just act very matter of fact about it--that this is how loving parents express their love, but it is private and she is not to do that again. Forget about the fences or even boundaries--I hate that psycho babble. Just keep it simple.
post #28 of 37
Thread Starter 
so i bought a chime. it works great. DSD1 even likes it. it is loud enough to wake me but not the entire house. and it is just a chime, not a siren. it just hangs on her bedroom door knob and if it is moved it makes a chime. i told her it was b/c i need to know if she is getting up at night so i can make sure everyone stays safe. i dont want her getting hurt and nobody would know b/c we were sleeping. also i want to know if she is invading my privacy. she seems happier this morning, like i took a weight off of her shoulders. i think she gets worried at night like a pp said. i reassurred her that i take very precaution to protect her and that the door chime would also warn her if anyone else opens her door.
post #29 of 37
I'd go crazy with a chime, since dss get up at least a couple of times a night to pee. But I guess in this case it's the lesser of two evils. It sounds like a good solution for you!
post #30 of 37
I think this is normal behavior. It was about the same age that my friend's son announced he saw mommy and daddy wrestling naked at the Thanksgiving tabled.

He didn't "spy" he got up for another reason and saw them. They didn't know it until the announcement.

Part of his announcement was curious. He new what sex. New he saw something but really ignorant.

It is time to talk about boundries.

I also don't think in this type of a situation it is a big deal. It is something two people love each other do. (To the poster that talk about her mom and her boy friend that wasn't right. )
post #31 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
I'd go crazy with a chime, since dss get up at least a couple of times a night to pee. But I guess in this case it's the lesser of two evils. It sounds like a good solution for you!
it worked great too. as long as i wait for them to fall asleep before i put it up. they thought it was great fun to play with the doorknob the first night and make it go off a thousand times. lol. i also told them to pee before ig ot to bed b/c that is when i set the alarm. it makes me feel so much better to know that they are not up in the middle of the night getting into stuff that could hurt them. they are smart enough to get around regular child proofing things. kwim?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
I think this is normal behavior. It was about the same age that my friend's son announced he saw mommy and daddy wrestling naked at the Thanksgiving tabled.
at te table! how embarrassing! lol. that will be a funny story to tell him when he is older.
He didn't "spy" he got up for another reason and saw them. They didn't know it until the announcement.
Part of his announcement was curious. He new what sex. New he saw something but really ignorant.

It is time to talk about boundries.
we have, we call them fences.
I also don't think in this type of a situation it is a big deal. It is something two people love each other do. (To the poster that talk about her mom and her boy friend that wasn't right. )
i know it is normal for kids to be curious. i also know it is something moms and dads should be doing (as in i need to get DH to feel comfortable again. lol). the reason i thought it was a big deal is b/c of DSD1's past. hopefully it is not really a big deal for her. that would be great. i might worry alot. lol
post #32 of 37

oooooo

i've never seen one of those doorknob chimes in a store, WHERE did you get one?

LOL, I not too long ago had THE SEX TALK with my ds, who is 6.5 yrs old.

he KNEW the basic, man plus woman equals baby, baby comes out of the womans vagina, ect ect ect..... boy if I could have gotten the look on his face in a pic when he learned THAT!
BUt he'd recently started asking more in depth questions, so I gave him a brief overview of whats involved and then a few words of wisdom about it being a loving act between adults who are responsible blah blah blah.....

AND THEN... he asks, DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT TO HAVE ME!!!!!!!

The look on his face was priceless!!!!............

sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.......

SO, I second the chime (if I can ever find one:-) and i hope things work out for your kiddo, she seems pretty normal to me.

Blessings!
post #33 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo View Post
i've never seen one of those doorknob chimes in a store, WHERE did you get one?
ace hardware. $13. requires a 9v battery. has an ear piercing alarm as well.
LOL, I not too long ago had THE SEX TALK with my ds, who is 6.5 yrs old.

he KNEW the basic, man plus woman equals baby, baby comes out of the womans vagina, ect ect ect..... boy if I could have gotten the look on his face in a pic when he learned THAT!
BUt he'd recently started asking more in depth questions, so I gave him a brief overview of whats involved and then a few words of wisdom about it being a loving act between adults who are responsible blah blah blah.....

AND THEN... he asks, DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT TO HAVE ME!!!!!!!

The look on his face was priceless!!!!............
my DSDs were a little surprised when i tild them last week. their momtold me she told them so i didnt think it was too big a deal. they knew about the baby coming out the vagina but DSD1 seriously thought you had to go to the hospital and have a doc cut you open to put the baby in there. i told her the truth before she told me what she thought. she was like, "really, i thought my mom wasnt telling me the truth". her mom is constantly lying to her about this kind of stuff. drives me bonkers.
sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.......
no worries. your little guy sounds adorable... and precocious. lol
SO, I second the chime (if I can ever find one:-) and i hope things work out for your kiddo, she seems pretty normal to me.
i am going to use it for other things too. like aleting me if someone is trying to get in the house while i am in the shower etc.
Blessings!
Blessings to you too.
post #34 of 37
Seconding that it's normal, but I'm gently suggesting that your DSD might need some more night-time parenting (and fresh air and exercise, and whatever else you do to help her sleep.) My DS1 does this kind of stuff around bedtime and having difficulty sleeping, and it really gets in the way of him being a nice person. Most of the time, when he's sleeping this badly then it turns out that something is on his mind- for instance, when he was being bullied then he was up until 10pm every night of the week It could be worth you doing some spying of your own to figure out what's going on
post #35 of 37
How about hanging a good bell on two doorknobs at bedtime? The outside of her bedroom door and the inside of yours? No batteries required : )
post #36 of 37
why are you DTD with the door open? I'm not sure how that qualifies as violated since the door was open.
post #37 of 37
My 6 and 5 year old DSC live with us full time. They both know what sex is and they are respectful of closed doors. At night though, I frequently have sex with an open door, they are not spies, if they were I would close my door. If need be I would install a lock.

I do want to say, sex is a normal part of life. It's really not the end of the world if they catch you in the act. Just stop and cover, tell them you are having private time and talk to them about it as soon as possible.

Children need to learn boundaries. I can understand a 2-4 year old NEEDING you immediatly, but barring an emergency or a nightmare, there is no reason for them to be up and spying. It's disrespectful.

I think the chime was a great idea...
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